Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 46 year old divorced woman and want to weigh in here. The dissolution of any long term marriage, regardless of how amicable the divorce is, is traumatic. I know you want to get out there and get back in the game but there will be time for that. As the men here have weighed in you won’t have any issues meeting women when you’re ready.

I’d strongly recommend that you take a bit of time for yourself to really settle and get comfortable with you. Most of us started dating way too soon and it’s always (ALWAYS) a disaster. Broken attracts broken. And you probably don’t FEEL broken but you are and will be for a little while. It’s normal. If you do decide to start dating early on you may have some lessons to learn.

Once you’re totally healthy you really will have your pick. If you want an new family go younger. If you’re just looking for a good companion as your children grow up try to find someone closer to your age. Many of us already have empty nests. With your income I’d suggest you look for professional women unless you want to risk the sugar daddy role.

Either way I think you’ll do just fine. Men your age tend to have a better pool to pick from than women for some reason. Good luck!

Eh, I actually don’t think that is true about men his age having a better pool to pick from. I am a childless forty three year old woman who doesn’t want kids but wouldn’t mind having stepkids. and I actually found my dating life got way way better once I turned forty. All of a sudden all these divorced men in their mid forties started asking me out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I am a 45 year old big law partner, also divorced supporting a SAHM with 2 middle school age kids. Exact same situation, make very good money, obviously not as much to go around as before but dropping a few thousand on a fancy weekend away for a woman I am interest in is meaningless money.

These responses are complete nonsense and likely written by bitter first wives who want to see you lonely and punished. Ignore them.

You will have absolutely zero problems finding dates. Actually, it will be exhausting doing on line dating because you will have so many women match with you. Many of them will be much younger. I agree with one PP, you need to be fair to them that you are not looking for a second wife and kids because many women in their 30s are. Even if they tell you they aren't sure.

Yes, wear a condom. Of course.

Tinder is fine for hookups. Bumble is good too. Again, you will be surprised at how many younger, attractive women you will match with. If you are like some of my divorced friends, you may go through a promiscuous phase because it's so abundant, like far easier than when you were younger. But you will ultimately see that easy sex with random women creates more headache than it's worth. I can give you some funny and not so funny stories.

Single mom's are my preferred partners. They understand that when I have the kids, I am not available and I respect that they have the same situation.

Good luck, it's a crazy world out there but lots of great women looking for real connections.

Woman here. The huge factor here is that PP makes very good money. Divorced men making up to 150k or so reading this will not have the same experience. It is pretty rare to encounter a big law firm partner in his forties on dating apps.

Anonymous wrote:Vaccination is not recommended for everyone older than age 26 years. However, some men age 27 through 45 years who are not already vaccinated may decide to get the HPV vaccine after speaking with their healthcare provider about their risk for new HPV infections and the possible benefits of vaccination. HPV vaccination in this age range provides less benefit. Most sexually active adults have already been exposed to HPV, although not necessarily all of the HPV types targeted by vaccination.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Another thing -- I feel terrible spending money on a nice place or luxuries for myself. Yeah, I make a lot. But the spending has to come from somewhere ... retirement savings, college savings, or rainy day savings (I wasn't planning to be at BigLaw for a whole lot longer). After the big mortgage for the house and criminally high private school tuition (both of which we're keeping at least for now to maintain some continuity for the kids), it's not like I'm still rolling in dough.

OP, it would be wildly unfair for you to decide you want a cushier job so you're going to once again upend your kids' stability after the divorce by forcing them to move out of their home and change schools. Just keep your biglaw job to try to maintain the home and schools for your kids. You owe them that.

Agree. Sorry, but you need to keep your income up. You don’t get to decide you would rather have a cushier government job right now as you have two households to support. I noticed you did not answer the question about whether or not you are an equity partner, though. Maybe you are getting pushed out?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the helpful, sympathetic advice. I'll definitely be up front about my long-term plans (no more kids, wait and see about marriage). I may have been out of the dating game for a long time, but I still know about safe sex. I guess I should clarify something: I adore my kids and will spend as much time with them as I can, and I have always been and will still be very involved in the parenting. But they have a mom, and so there will be plenty of nights when I can't see them. And they're mainly going to be living with their mom for some pragmatic reasons. That's the initial arrangement. We can revise it. This is all by consent. Like I said, relatively amicable. There's a lot of sadness but not much anger - we've already worked through that.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Another thing -- I feel terrible spending money on a nice place or luxuries for myself. Yeah, I make a lot. But the spending has to come from somewhere ... retirement savings, college savings, or rainy day savings (I wasn't planning to be at BigLaw for a whole lot longer). After the big mortgage for the house and criminally high private school tuition (both of which we're keeping at least for now to maintain some continuity for the kids), it's not like I'm still rolling in dough.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Another thing -- I feel terrible spending money on a nice place or luxuries for myself. Yeah, I make a lot. But the spending has to come from somewhere ... retirement savings, college savings, or rainy day savings (I wasn't planning to be at BigLaw for a whole lot longer). After the big mortgage for the house and criminally high private school tuition (both of which we're keeping at least for now to maintain some continuity for the kids), it's not like I'm still rolling in dough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Another thing -- I feel terrible spending money on a nice place or luxuries for myself. Yeah, I make a lot. But the spending has to come from somewhere ... retirement savings, college savings, or rainy day savings (I wasn't planning to be at BigLaw for a whole lot longer). After the big mortgage for the house and criminally high private school tuition (both of which we're keeping at least for now to maintain some continuity for the kids), it's not like I'm still rolling in dough.

OP, it would be wildly unfair for you to decide you want a cushier job so you're going to once again upend your kids' stability after the divorce by forcing them to move out of their home and change schools. Just keep your biglaw job to try to maintain the home and schools for your kids. You owe them that.

Agree. Sorry, but you need to keep your income up. You don’t get to decide you would rather have a cushier government job right now as you have two households to support. I noticed you did not answer the question about whether or not you are an equity partner, though. Maybe you are getting pushed out?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and I would be very interested. I have primary custody so looking to spend some weekends at nice hotels, being treated to nice dinners etc etc
I need to get in shape though before I start dating. I love sex but need to get rid of some extra pounds!
You may be interested in younger women though (I would if I were a physically fit biglaw lawyer!)

The guy has no money to spend on you. Read his post.

I don’t think he meant that money. Surely he can afford a hotel and a dinner.
I think he means no money for marriage and more kids? I don’t know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yes as a PP mentioned, get the HPV vaccine so you don’t kill somebody.

Or himself

Or get warts

He's too old for the vaccine and condoms don't fully protect against HPV. You can still get it from oral--and from contact that isn't necessarily PIV.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any idea what the answers to this guy's questions are, but the first two responses are absurd. He's obviously going to have a lot of nights when he doesn't have his kids, so why should he spend those nights "focused" on them instead of socializing with another adult? wtf

He should get his kids more. He can afford an attorney to fight for more custody.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Another thing -- I feel terrible spending money on a nice place or luxuries for myself. Yeah, I make a lot. But the spending has to come from somewhere ... retirement savings, college savings, or rainy day savings (I wasn't planning to be at BigLaw for a whole lot longer). After the big mortgage for the house and criminally high private school tuition (both of which we're keeping at least for now to maintain some continuity for the kids), it's not like I'm still rolling in dough.

OP, it would be wildly unfair for you to decide you want a cushier job so you're going to once again upend your kids' stability after the divorce by forcing them to move out of their home and change schools. Just keep your biglaw job to try to maintain the home and schools for your kids. You owe them that.