One question: is he happy that you earn 4K and he earns 6? Ie, has he ever made a comment about it, is it the results of your choices or not at all, common decision and all good on that front?

Reason I ask is that although I put way more in the family budget I also keep more. Woman here, the reason being that I chose a stressful and demanding job because I wanted financial security and my DH has always claimed he didn’t care about money and wanted to work a job that matched his values and gave him time (so he works for an NGO).

I respect that, but I get to keep more of my hard earned money for my personal expenses (once all the rest and obviously the kids’ needs are covered). No 50-50 of our left over budget

Are you still with this bitch?

He better be cleaning the house so you can pocket the cleaning fund. Get him one of those backpack vacuums and some cleaning supplies.

Put this mother trucker to work.

He can do it in his fancy shoes that he spends $800 for.

Maybe his hooker can help him clean the toilet.

Anonymous wrote:Are you guys insane? $800/month for an adult is NOT a lot. That’s two rounds of golf, a good long lunch with a buddy, a haircut, and a pair of shoes. Done.

DCUM harpies always wanting to tell other women that they’re being cheated on. Y’all have baggage issues.

Not on the OP’s family income.

"I put about $200 into savings each month."

This is a HUGE red flag as to your family's finances. If YOU are the only one saving, and it's only $200 per month, and your DH is blowing through $800 per month in his fun-stuff, then you need to have a very serious talk.

IMO, the easiest thing is that amount should be switched - you should be saving $800 per month and he gets $200 per month to blow.

You need a financial advisor and a marriage counselor. Regardless of how you split up the extra, you are living beyond your means and need to cut back somewhere. THEN you need to decide how to manage what you have.

$2k/month for groceries is a good place to start--I'd bet you could eat very well on half that.

To the OP, my DH routinely spent 400-600/month in cash. He put most of his small expenses like coffee and lunches on the credit card. I had know idea until I asked to see the bank accounts. To this day he has been offered any reasonable explanation on used the cash for. I am almost positive he cheated and/or spent the money for something sexual, I just can't prove it. I am not suggesting your DH is doing this but don't make the same mistake I did. Demand that he change his spending. Come up with some way that you know where the money is going (you don't need to micromanage).

1. Get access to thw bank accounts.

2. This vould be financial abuse. I did not see it in my marriage, but I was manipulated and cobtrolled using money.

3. Have your own accounts, have your checks go in there and deposit household funds into a joint checking. Do not depositing ypur check into the joint checking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you guys insane? $800/month for an adult is NOT a lot. That’s two rounds of golf, a good long lunch with a buddy, a haircut, and a pair of shoes. Done.

DCUM harpies always wanting to tell other women that they’re being cheated on. Y’all have baggage issues.

Ok, but this DH can not afford to live that way!

NP. Correct, he cannot afford it. But his childish refusal to admit this and change his actions is the most likely explanation for his $800 a month spending than cheating; if he refuses to defend it or reveal its full contents then she can’t nitpick his choices and demand he give anything up.

I posted about this being a reasonable spending budget but also agree with this. It's silly to think this is explained by cheating--it's hardly a call girl budget. Doesn't mean he's entitled to spend this much, but assuming it's cheating is absurd.

This. If I added up what I spend on lunches out, daily coffee, random purchases, etc, it would easily be $800/month. Now, can he and should he cut this, yes. But for an adult in the DC metro area to spend $800 on themselves per month is NOT an indicator of cheating! Would you guys say that about a woman spending the same amount? Surely not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you guys insane? $800/month for an adult is NOT a lot. That’s two rounds of golf, a good long lunch with a buddy, a haircut, and a pair of shoes. Done.

DCUM harpies always wanting to tell other women that they’re being cheated on. Y’all have baggage issues.

Ok, but this DH can not afford to live that way!

NP. Correct, he cannot afford it. But his childish refusal to admit this and change his actions is the most likely explanation for his $800 a month spending than cheating; if he refuses to defend it or reveal its full contents then she can’t nitpick his choices and demand he give anything up.

I posted about this being a reasonable spending budget but also agree with this. It's silly to think this is explained by cheating--it's hardly a call girl budget. Doesn't mean he's entitled to spend this much, but assuming it's cheating is absurd.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you guys insane? $800/month for an adult is NOT a lot. That’s two rounds of golf, a good long lunch with a buddy, a haircut, and a pair of shoes. Done.

DCUM harpies always wanting to tell other women that they’re being cheated on. Y’all have baggage issues.

Ok, but this DH can not afford to live that way!

NP. Correct, he cannot afford it. But his childish refusal to admit this and change his actions is the most likely explanation for his $800 a month spending than cheating; if he refuses to defend it or reveal its full contents then she can’t nitpick his choices and demand he give anything up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised to see people assuming girlfriend. In non pandemic times both DH and I easily spend $800/mo each on just nonsense like lunches and impulse purchases.

That’s about $20/day for lunch - $620. The rest impulse purchases. Wow... You must eat a lot for a lady.

My lunch salad downtown with tip is around $15. A $4 coffee. The rest clothes/random stuff. I don't think this is a crazy spending budget.

Anonymous wrote:Are you guys insane? $800/month for an adult is NOT a lot. That’s two rounds of golf, a good long lunch with a buddy, a haircut, and a pair of shoes. Done.

DCUM harpies always wanting to tell other women that they’re being cheated on. Y’all have baggage issues.

$30 hair cut (free now DIY), $20-30 for lunch, and $50 shoes. You may over spend but the rest of us don't. Bottomline is they cannot afford it because their housing, car and other expenses are too high.

Anonymous wrote:Are you guys insane? $800/month for an adult is NOT a lot. That’s two rounds of golf, a good long lunch with a buddy, a haircut, and a pair of shoes. Done.

DCUM harpies always wanting to tell other women that they’re being cheated on. Y’all have baggage issues.

Ok, but this DH can not afford to live that way!

Are you guys insane? $800/month for an adult is NOT a lot. That’s two rounds of golf, a good long lunch with a buddy, a haircut, and a pair of shoes. Done.

DCUM harpies always wanting to tell other women that they’re being cheated on. Y’all have baggage issues.

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you only saving $200/month on $10,500 take home??

Child care, house payment, car notes. We have the same income. Our mortgage is $1400, no car payments (have a new car but paid cash) and we are comfortable and save.