Anonymous
08/07/2020 17:04
Subject: If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?
I have an old friend who is one of 7 (yes, Catholic.) She loved it and wants 7 kids herself. "Im one of 7, and i want 7." She is on #6 right now. She is a physician so knows how to stop it if she so chooses. 
Anonymous
08/07/2020 15:59
Subject: If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?
My DH's family has 4 (girl, then 3 boys). Older sister wanted 3 and stopped after 2 because her kids are high needs and she knew her limits, oldest brother planned on 2 but ended up with 1 due to infertility, younger brother has 2 and wants a third, but may not because of finances, youngest brother isn't settled down yet. They did grow up overseas with a lot of supports, so their mother was able to focus on parenting and gave the kids a good amount of individual attention.
Anonymous
08/07/2020 13:07
Subject: If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:For those who have more than 4 children-are you catholic or really evangelical (eg The Duggars). I know a few people with 4 or more and all are very religious. Never met anyone mildly religious or not at all to ever have more than 4.
I have six, and am not at all religious.
Anonymous
08/07/2020 11:43
Subject: If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?
My husband and I both wanted 4 kids when we got married. Then we had one and realized two would be plenty. So you just never know. (I was one of 2, he was one of 3.)
Anonymous
08/07/2020 07:19
Subject: Re:If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?
It so depends on your personality as well. I could never live with that many people again. Period. I hated it, no privacy, low resources, shitty vacations, always babies crying, me being the oldest having to help raise little ones. Nope.
Anonymous
08/07/2020 06:32
Subject: Re:If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?
I mean, there are only two options - big or small family - even if you could quibble about the cutoff between big and small.
That said, my parents had 8 kids. My mom only had one sister and wanted a big family. My dad came from a big family - maybe 12 kids? I honestly don’t know. I don’t know that he actively wanted a big family, but he didn’t care to stop it from happening. We were technically poor (even though my parents were teachers and made reasonable salaries), but we always had a roof over our head and food on the table, and my mom was excellent with money and prioritized education and arts related activities. I actually don’t think you need that much money to raise happy and well adjusted kids, but you likely will have to make sacrifices. My mom is incredibly stylish and loves clothes, but she dressed in rags throughout my childhood. I felt shortchanged on the emotional front by my mom. She acknowledges that she only had the time and energy to deal with high level crises (like my brother’s Type 1 diabetes, which was difficult for him to manage, especially when he left for college early at 16 - and eventually died from it at 19) and I got less attention because I was always the kid she never had to worry about. (I spent 2 hrs each day with my dad as he drove me to my private high school, so I had a good relationship with him, but he was still a less communicative dude, so it didn’t fully meet my emotional needs).
Basically, I saw how kids stretched my parents thin financially and emotionally and it’s just now how I want to live my life. I would have had 0 kids had it not been a dealbreaker for my husband. So we’re one and done. Of my siblings only two others have kids. One has 2 and the other has 4. So 3 of 7 have kids.
That said, my parents had 8 kids. My mom only had one sister and wanted a big family. My dad came from a big family - maybe 12 kids? I honestly don’t know. I don’t know that he actively wanted a big family, but he didn’t care to stop it from happening. We were technically poor (even though my parents were teachers and made reasonable salaries), but we always had a roof over our head and food on the table, and my mom was excellent with money and prioritized education and arts related activities. I actually don’t think you need that much money to raise happy and well adjusted kids, but you likely will have to make sacrifices. My mom is incredibly stylish and loves clothes, but she dressed in rags throughout my childhood. I felt shortchanged on the emotional front by my mom. She acknowledges that she only had the time and energy to deal with high level crises (like my brother’s Type 1 diabetes, which was difficult for him to manage, especially when he left for college early at 16 - and eventually died from it at 19) and I got less attention because I was always the kid she never had to worry about. (I spent 2 hrs each day with my dad as he drove me to my private high school, so I had a good relationship with him, but he was still a less communicative dude, so it didn’t fully meet my emotional needs).
Basically, I saw how kids stretched my parents thin financially and emotionally and it’s just now how I want to live my life. I would have had 0 kids had it not been a dealbreaker for my husband. So we’re one and done. Of my siblings only two others have kids. One has 2 and the other has 4. So 3 of 7 have kids.
Anonymous
08/07/2020 06:05
Subject: Re:If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?
Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar boat to the OP. I'm 3rd of 4. We had one kid and would consider having a second, but no more than that. I have never wanted a big family and actively resent how neglectful my parents were during my childhood. They were not emotionally supportive and didn't really seem to view me as an individual person, but just one of a crowd of people who always seemed to need more than they had to give. I actually think the problem was more that they had kids too young and before they had dealt with any of their childhood trauma. I think big families can be great. Though I'm still not sure being a middle child in a big family will ever feel great. You just get lost so easily. I think if you have a big family, you need to be very intentional about how you support your kids individually. I think it's really hard. Kudos to those who pull it off, but it's just not for me.
100% this, and I think too many people think they're pulling it off, and they aren't.
My siblings and I were vey well behaved fyi.
Anonymous
08/07/2020 06:00
Subject: If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?
Anonymous wrote:FWIW, we have 4 kids (between 12-17) and all of them say that they want at least 3 kids. We also have a big dog and other pets. They see the advantages, and also are used to the 'circus' the PP mentioned. Maybe they haven't experienced the disadvantages some other posters noted? They haven't been forced into babysitting bc we had them so close together that that oldest one was not ever really mature enough to watch all of the others. At this point they all watch themselves if we go out. We also are in that "not rich, not poor" income bracket so the kids haven't seen an impact in our lifestyle as our family grew...we never were going to be the kind of family who went to Europe over spring breakI (the mom) am the one who is not from a big family and it definitely took some getting used to, but now I love it.
Yeah when I was 12-17 I wanted at least 3 kids too, and then I went to college grew up, formed ideas that weren't my parents.
Anonymous
08/07/2020 02:41
Subject: Re:If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
Yeah, no.
Ime, families with 4+ are more on top of manners, because one kid yelling could turn into everyone yelling. And families with that many kids usually have less and value it more, which usually extends to respecting others’ property more.
Yeah as a mom of almost 4 I am way more on top of manners or things blow up lol. My kids are little but they say hello, good bye, thank you, excuse me, they share.
I find only children have the worst manners and are not used to treating others with respect
Funny, I have one who is very well mannered and the kids of 3+ are not and usually run wild.
Anonymous
08/07/2020 02:24
Subject: If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?
I grew up in a family of three. I wanted three or four, but we stopped at two.
Anonymous
08/07/2020 01:37
Subject: Re:If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
Yeah, no.
Ime, families with 4+ are more on top of manners, because one kid yelling could turn into everyone yelling. And families with that many kids usually have less and value it more, which usually extends to respecting others’ property more.
Yeah as a mom of almost 4 I am way more on top of manners or things blow up lol. My kids are little but they say hello, good bye, thank you, excuse me, they share.
I find only children have the worst manners and are not used to treating others with respect
Anonymous
08/06/2020 23:18
Subject: If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?
Anonymous wrote:For those who have more than 4 children-are you catholic or really evangelical (eg The Duggars). I know a few people with 4 or more and all are very religious. Never met anyone mildly religious or not at all to ever have more than 4.
Of the families I know, very few are even moderately religious (attend church every Sunday, but no youth group or other activities), and none are very religious (religious activity more than once per week). Most fall into the group of attend church at least twice a year but no more than once per month.
Anonymous
08/06/2020 23:14
Subject: Re:If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I grew up as one of four and mostly liked it. The hardest part was not getting as many invites as a family because it was “so many people” to have over. Mostly a lot of great childhood memories and my siblings are close friends to me as adults. I hope to have 4 or 5, so far we have 2 and are currently trying for a 3rd.
I can see this. My sister is pregnant with her 4th and is a fairly hands off parent, especially once her kids are toddlers on. She also has two large dogs who are obnoxious (but friendly.) I love her but really don’t want any part of her circus so I don’t see her that much (3 hours away.)
Agree. Not all large families I'm sure, but at least two that I know seem to think that "embracing the chaos" of a large families means that everyone else around them should too. I don't care how they run their own house, but I don't appreciate it when they come over, the kids basically tear the place apart, and mom and dad just sit there and laugh and drink -- "well, life with a large family is just crazy amirite?" I suppose so, but I'll keep the crazy out of my house.
Yeah, no.
Ime, families with 4+ are more on top of manners, because one kid yelling could turn into everyone yelling. And families with that many kids usually have less and value it more, which usually extends to respecting others’ property more.
Anonymous
08/06/2020 22:19
Subject: Re:If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?
DH and I are both 1 of 4. He’s the oldest and I’m the 2nd oldest (and oldest girl). I felt loved and supported growing up, so did my DH, and we find our siblings are an amazing source of support and friendship as adults.
We have 4 kids. In this area, it’s hard to have a large family if you want to have a good career. Also very expensive.
I also find UMC parents generally very neurotic and anxious in this area. They are lovely people, but seem stressed out by raising kids. And people seem highly focused on living well and material goods, which is totally fine — we have chosen to have more kids instead of that extra vacation or luxury car.
We have 4 kids. In this area, it’s hard to have a large family if you want to have a good career. Also very expensive.
I also find UMC parents generally very neurotic and anxious in this area. They are lovely people, but seem stressed out by raising kids. And people seem highly focused on living well and material goods, which is totally fine — we have chosen to have more kids instead of that extra vacation or luxury car.
Anonymous
08/06/2020 22:01
Subject: If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?
Anonymous wrote:For those who have more than 4 children-are you catholic or really evangelical (eg The Duggars). I know a few people with 4 or more and all are very religious. Never met anyone mildly religious or not at all to ever have more than 4.
I have 7 and religion definitely has nothing to do with it. We are members of a Presbyterian church and go once a month or so, but it’s not a huge part of our life.