Anonymous wrote:OP- talk to a divorce lawyer. Make him sign a post-nuptial agreement which outlines support for you and your son.

Let the lawyer know about the infidelity on his part.

This is the best thing you can do for now and will pave the way and make divorce easier in the future. Plus, it will give you ease of mind.

You have not said what the relationship was like otherwise and if there is any hope for reconciliation or therapy, etc.

Anonymous wrote:In thinking about this more, OP, I actually think that his not knowing that you know about the mistress gives you a huge tactical advantage. I would not tell him until I had that M.A. I would, in fact, after a short break, be a better wife to him in order to lull him into a sense of false security. I find it easy to be patient and affectionate with someone in whom I no longer have any emotional investment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have been wondering what country you were born in. Your omission of articles -- "the, an, a" -- stands out. It does, however, convince me that you are not a troll. If I were you I would not even think about leaving before my SN graduated from high school. I would try to save money. The marriage is dead, but not your son's future. I am not surprised that your DH prefers someone older. There is a certain kind of man who wants a woman who does not truly want/need him. They want women with equal or superior wealth, social standing, etc. They want to feel desired for themselves, not the material benefits they provide.

His mistress IS with him for material benefits. Would she sleep or travel with him, if he didn’t raise her up the corporate ladder? If he didn’t make her a shareholder, included in employee options plan ? There were many smart ladies joining his startup 10 years ago, and only one attractive lady made it all the way up. Of course, now she probably feels like a very successful business woman on her own right. My it’s my husband who “made” her.

And he did nothing for me, beside confining me at the house with the SN child abd buying couple joint properties (in which I invested as well when I worked).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My husband doesn’t know I am aware of his mistress. I just learned myself and now trying to see if I can live with that. No “body access” is required on his part. I feel terrible without someone to lean to at night but at the same time have no time or desire to go outside marriage for that.

Both mistress and I are European, we are both equally educated and I was employed first 2 years of marriage until we got our sons diagnosis. I feel really depressed now, not because of him, but because while I was tied up at home with our son, he used these years to build a start up company with his mistress. He groomed her to become an executive from initially low position. Gave her love and expensive gifts while being an asshole at home. She got the best of him and her life. And I became a total loss professionally.

Which is why I wonder if I should at least try to go for an extra masters degree at his expense now? There is limited hiring now, and many companies first taje for telework positions. But I really feel need to communicate with people, go to real office or real school to get away from it all.

And yes, I am stashing some money.

There’s a lot of ridiculous people on here. If he’s rich and you’re leading separate lives and you have a SN child to take care of, you do what’s best for you and your son. That quite likely means staying married, spending his money, and getting that degree. Divorcing now is standing on a principle that ultimately makes you worse off.

Anonymous wrote:I could not live with this dynamic. He's a miserable partner and he's cheating on you. I do not see much worth salvaging here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He doesn’t press for a divorce. It’s his goal as well to get our son into a good college and not stress out already vulnerable teenager. Now during pandemics he out of a sudden began parenting. We are just de-facto separated, not sharing bedroom, only have lunch together but mostly he spends day in his part of the house and I live in mine. Don’t tell don’t ask family.

Would you live in marriage like that for the duration of becoming more financial sustainable by possibly getting a degree financed by future ex husband (in 4 years), getting kids into college and higher payout in divorce? Am I a person without morals myself for not filing for a divorce proudly and instead just working on my own life and case against him ?

I think its fine to live that way and not divorce if it meets your needs. Its best for your son to have both parents and this is easiest. But, know at any time he can ask for a divorce so I would make sure money is put in your name only.

Anonymous wrote:At least he chose the classier option over the economy mistress.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband won't leave this job, as this is this is a successful startup project of his life. My estimate is that he's having a mistress since 2016, but met her in 2012. I guess I was just wondering, if they are dating for so long and he still didn't ask for a divorce, why is that?

I am just totally shocked someone could be so dishonest and lead double life: photos of our family friends visiting are mixed with him hopping on a plane flying with her somewhere with faces full of love.

Our marriage was full of love some time ago, and he gives her gifts from same designers, takes to same places he took me. She looks old, in her 50s, but otherwise a very well groomed and attractive woman. She took him for dinner with her husband and daughter, who don't suspect anything.

My son is not doing well (on spectrum), and I am SAHM because I am his main caregiver. I've been working part time whole married life, but it's not a high flying corporate job that my husband promoted his mistress for.

I feel like I was ripped of everything, but most of all, of companionship with someone I built a life after our son goes to college...

Now I think you're a troll. This is completely nonresponsive to any of the replies.

I was going to go with AI instead of.troll . There seem to be more and more posts lately with this strange syntax and stilted language.

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Anonymous wrote:Marriage therapy is not helpful with an abuser. I would consult an attorney.

Does your SN son have a prospect of living independently and leaving for college or a job at 18. Will your DH continue to contribute financially to support your son if not?

My son's well being is a very big concern. For now, he is receiving all financial support (tutors, good school, college fund). I hope my husband won't mind paying for his college if we were to divorce.

How bad are his SN? Is college realistic? Is him becoming independent realistic? Or will you support him forever likely?

He is very good in math, actually, in advanced math program. But has behavioral outbursts and short attention span, memory issues. His writing skills are pretty bad, too. He has 100% score and excellent grade in math, but other subjects are average or slightly below average.I think he can enter a mid-rank technical school. But it’s hard to tell if he would be able to maintain steady employment

Make sure to get good child support and college or technical school paid for by dad and any extraordinary medical expenses such as evaluations in a divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband won't leave this job, as this is this is a successful startup project of his life. My estimate is that he's having a mistress since 2016, but met her in 2012. I guess I was just wondering, if they are dating for so long and he still didn't ask for a divorce, why is that?

I am just totally shocked someone could be so dishonest and lead double life: photos of our family friends visiting are mixed with him hopping on a plane flying with her somewhere with faces full of love.

Our marriage was full of love some time ago, and he gives her gifts from same designers, takes to same places he took me. She looks old, in her 50s, but otherwise a very well groomed and attractive woman. She took him for dinner with her husband and daughter, who don't suspect anything.

My son is not doing well (on spectrum), and I am SAHM because I am his main caregiver. I've been working part time whole married life, but it's not a high flying corporate job that my husband promoted his mistress for.

I feel like I was ripped of everything, but most of all, of companionship with someone I built a life after our son goes to college...

I'm going through a similar situation. I don't know why the same gifts to the affair hit me hard, but it did. I'm so sorry he betrayed you and destroyed your plans for the future.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He doesn’t press for a divorce. It’s his goal as well to get our son into a good college and not stress out already vulnerable teenager. Now during pandemics he out of a sudden began parenting. We are just de-facto separated, not sharing bedroom, only have lunch together but mostly he spends day in his part of the house and I live in mine. Don’t tell don’t ask family.

Would you live in marriage like that for the duration of becoming more financial sustainable by possibly getting a degree financed by future ex husband (in 4 years), getting kids into college and higher payout in divorce? Am I a person without morals myself for not filing for a divorce proudly and instead just working on my own life and case against him ?

Anonymous wrote:My husband won't leave this job, as this is this is a successful startup project of his life. My estimate is that he's having a mistress since 2016, but met her in 2012. I guess I was just wondering, if they are dating for so long and he still didn't ask for a divorce, why is that?

I am just totally shocked someone could be so dishonest and lead double life: photos of our family friends visiting are mixed with him hopping on a plane flying with her somewhere with faces full of love.

Our marriage was full of love some time ago, and he gives her gifts from same designers, takes to same places he took me. She looks old, in her 50s, but otherwise a very well groomed and attractive woman. She took him for dinner with her husband and daughter, who don't suspect anything.

My son is not doing well (on spectrum), and I am SAHM because I am his main caregiver. I've been working part time whole married life, but it's not a high flying corporate job that my husband promoted his mistress for.

I feel like I was ripped of everything, but most of all, of companionship with someone I built a life after our son goes to college...

Anonymous wrote:OP- talk to a divorce lawyer. Make him sign a post-nuptial agreement which outlines support for you and your son.

Let the lawyer know about the infidelity on his part.

This is the best thing you can do for now and will pave the way and make divorce easier in the future. Plus, it will give you ease of mind.

You have not said what the relationship was like otherwise and if there is any hope for reconciliation or therapy, etc.

Anonymous wrote:If you think 50s are old then you are definitely a troll. You should see me (59) .