Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 15:35     Subject: Re:Divorcing a stay-at-home dad
My nephew sounds very much like your husband. His ex-wife created a post-nup that he signed before they divorced because he was worried that she would use his reckless behavior to keep the kids from him. I'm not sure of all of details, but in the end she got full custody, didn't have to pay him alimony, and gave him a 1 time settlement figure/gave him one car so he could get settled in his own place. It was definitely not a 50/50 split. I was not familiar with a post-nup before this, but it's something to ask about.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 15:26     Subject: Re:Divorcing a stay-at-home dad
I'm not reading the thread but I'd like to say - why not try something before divorce? Cut him off financially from the drink and smoke. Cut the cards - buy the groceries/gas yourself.

There are other ways you can enact change. Just sayin.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 14:42     Subject: Divorcing a stay-at-home dad
Yes he will get alimony but child support is the real $$$. I strongly suggest you give him the house so your son has a safe place to stay 50% of the time and in exchange hold onto your retirement funds.

You will need to rent a smaller place till you can build back up your savings.

And yes, he will get 50% custody, because he knows it means $$$ and alcoholism and smoking would not prevent that-no court will take it from him.

Get your son a watch phone now so he can contact you in case his dad blacks out.
Tell your son never to get into the car with him if he’s been drinking and to call you right away if he tries.

Don’t bother with court just get a separation agreement drawn up.

Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 14:36     Subject: Divorcing a stay-at-home dad
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t see how you can avoid paying spousal support. You shouldn’t have waited 10 years because now the spousal support decision is up to the court forever - he can keep requesting to extend it (not sure if they will).


One of the greatest regrets of my life is not filing for divorce in 2012 when I was laid off and he was out of control.

It doesn't look like spousal support is something I'd get out of, according to most of you, I guess. Is it likely that I could keep the house? Both the house and the loan is in both of our names. (Initially the mortgage was just in my name, as it was my credit and income/job that allowed us to get it; when we refinanced, though, I put both of us on the mortgage).

I absolutely dread turning my son's life upside down. It breaks my heart. Of course he knows things aren't great, but he doesn't want us to divorce (I've never mentioned it, but he's 10 so he can put two and two together). I don't want him to hate me for being responsible for upending everything. That's another reason why I've waited this long. I just wanted to wait until my son wasn't at a tender age and could emotionally/mentally deal with it a bit better. I was aiming for when he entered high school, but I can't live like this for 5+ more years.


It was stupid of you to refinance and put his name on it. If it was just your name on the mortgage, then he just needs to get off the deed with a quitclaim deed (still he is entitled to half the equity), but you will now have to refinance again to get the mortgage in your own name. My ex husband insisted he only be on the mortgage despite all the downpayment came from my earnings. This made it easier for him to keep the house. He did not have to refi. He just quit claim deeded me off it.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 14:35     Subject: Divorcing a stay-at-home dad
Anonymous wrote:OP isn't reading this thread 4 years later.


It would be interesting if she came back and updated everyone. I hope she divorced him.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 14:33     Subject: Divorcing a stay-at-home dad
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Read the SAHM mom thread. Lots of women believe permanent alimony is justified. They argue all of their sacrifice and contributions are what enabled their husband’s career success, so they deserve a lifetime of repayment while they play tennis and co-habitate (but avoid remarrying which would end the support payments).

So if you weren’t on that thread disagreeing then it only seems fair that a SAHD should likewise be supported by his ex wife.


This never happens anymore though.

I’ve never heard of anyone (who wasn’t ridiculously wealthy) getting permanent alimony. Expect him to get restorative alimony for the length of the marriage/2 at most. OP you will definitely pay child support though.



Lifetime alimony happens in VA after 20 years.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 14:32     Subject: Divorcing a stay-at-home dad
You will pay alimony and child support.

Gender is irrelevant.

He is also getting 50% of your retirement for every passing contribution.

I am not sure if it is better for you to stay or go.

He will likely get 50% custody.

You will not be able to afford two households and your standard of living for all will plummet.

I am sorry.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 09:32     Subject: Divorcing a stay-at-home dad
OP isn't reading this thread 4 years later.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 09:26     Subject: Divorcing a stay-at-home dad
Anonymous wrote:OP, I know someone who did this in a very similar situation. Before filing, she quietly gathered a lot of evidence of his drinking - receipts, empty beer cans, even an email from daycare stating the husband was visibly intoxicated during pickup (walking, not by car, or they probably would have called the cops). She did have to pay him quite a bit of money - buy him out of the house, give him part of her retirement. He was awarded alimony for 1 year and that was a few years ago, so that's done with. She says it was 100% worth it to dump the worthless deadbeat and wishes she'd done it sooner. She now has an amazing boyfriend and a happy home and kid.


But what impact, if any, did this “evidence” have on their divorce?
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 09:08     Subject: Divorcing a stay-at-home dad
Anonymous wrote:Go for full custody. He will spiral. You and kid need out of this. Give him alimony for 2 years. That's enough for him to get on his feet, or not.


Do you think OP can do this retroactively?
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 09:03     Subject: Divorcing a stay-at-home dad
Go for full custody. He will spiral. You and kid need out of this. Give him alimony for 2 years. That's enough for him to get on his feet, or not.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 08:57     Subject: Divorcing a stay-at-home dad
Anonymous wrote:Read the SAHM mom thread. Lots of women believe permanent alimony is justified. They argue all of their sacrifice and contributions are what enabled their husband’s career success, so they deserve a lifetime of repayment while they play tennis and co-habitate (but avoid remarrying which would end the support payments).

So if you weren’t on that thread disagreeing then it only seems fair that a SAHD should likewise be supported by his ex wife.


lol
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 08:04     Subject: Re:Divorcing a stay-at-home dad
Yes you’ll have to sell the house and split all assets including pensions.
I would do what my ass..e exH did:

1. Get terminated from your job
2. Fight for sole custody
3. If no full custody right away, wait till son so he wouldn’t want to spend time with dad and re-file again in a year or two to reduce CS after documenting that son lives with you

Good luck
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2024 19:52     Subject: Divorcing a stay-at-home dad
Anonymous wrote: Yes the courts are giving men alimony and child support


Even in 2020?

Why bump this thread to give DCUM legal advice
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2024 19:41     Subject: Divorcing a stay-at-home dad
Yes the courts are giving men alimony and child support