Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate to the sister too. The only people I show negative emotions to are my husband and mother. I.e. the two people who love me no matter what. And even then I try to limit it because I don't want to see my ugly side or use them as my emotional punching bags.

With friends, even my closest friends, I would never venture to do more than kind of laughingly complain about some issue. Like I might say staying at home is "kind of boring but at least we're getting so much family time!" I would never just out and out complain. And certainly not about anything serious like my relationship or kids.

Well, that sounds more fake than private to me.

What is fake about it? Some people don't have messy personal problems that they need to hash out all the time.

It sounds like you are so worried about what people think about you that you actively hide negative things and negative emotions. You think THEY will think less of you. That's fake. And sad. People have shit. Being able to share the realities of your life - the good and the bad - is what builds true, deep, intimate friendships.

We ALL have problems, even people like me, who have a pretty great life. To actively hide the negative side to things, is fake. You are pretending to the world that you don't have "not so great" things that happen in your life. I'm not talking about unloading about your abusive childhood, but not even complaining about the three months of lock down that we've experienced? That's just pathological. It's not that you don't have bad stuff to talk about, its that you just save it for your husband and mom.

Let it go sister, let the facade crack a little, we all know you aren't telling 100% of the truth about how much you love quarantine, your mom needs a break.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate to the sister too. The only people I show negative emotions to are my husband and mother. I.e. the two people who love me no matter what. And even then I try to limit it because I don't want to see my ugly side or use them as my emotional punching bags.

With friends, even my closest friends, I would never venture to do more than kind of laughingly complain about some issue. Like I might say staying at home is "kind of boring but at least we're getting so much family time!" I would never just out and out complain. And certainly not about anything serious like my relationship or kids.

Well, that sounds more fake than private to me.

What is fake about it? Some people don't have messy personal problems that they need to hash out all the time.

It sounds like you are so worried about what people think about you that you actively hide negative things and negative emotions. You think THEY will think less of you. That's fake. And sad. People have shit. Being able to share the realities of your life - the good and the bad - is what builds true, deep, intimate friendships.

We ALL have problems, even people like me, who have a pretty great life. To actively hide the negative side to things, is fake. You are pretending to the world that you don't have "not so great" things that happen in your life. I'm not talking about unloading about your abusive childhood, but not even complaining about the three months of lock down that we've experienced? That's just pathological. It's not that you don't have bad stuff to talk about, its that you just save it for your husband and mom.

Let it go sister, let the facade crack a little, we all know you aren't telling 100% of the truth about how much you love quarantine, your mom needs a break.

Oh I get it. You like feeling superior to others. The more "real" they are, the more you "win." LOL keep trying! -NP

There is no winning, I was just defining what FAKE means. There is no superior, that is just the myth fake people tell themselves and WHY they insist on curating their presentation to other people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate to the sister too. The only people I show negative emotions to are my husband and mother. I.e. the two people who love me no matter what. And even then I try to limit it because I don't want to see my ugly side or use them as my emotional punching bags.

With friends, even my closest friends, I would never venture to do more than kind of laughingly complain about some issue. Like I might say staying at home is "kind of boring but at least we're getting so much family time!" I would never just out and out complain. And certainly not about anything serious like my relationship or kids.

Well, that sounds more fake than private to me.

What is fake about it? Some people don't have messy personal problems that they need to hash out all the time.

It sounds like you are so worried about what people think about you that you actively hide negative things and negative emotions. You think THEY will think less of you. That's fake. And sad. People have shit. Being able to share the realities of your life - the good and the bad - is what builds true, deep, intimate friendships.

We ALL have problems, even people like me, who have a pretty great life. To actively hide the negative side to things, is fake. You are pretending to the world that you don't have "not so great" things that happen in your life. I'm not talking about unloading about your abusive childhood, but not even complaining about the three months of lock down that we've experienced? That's just pathological. It's not that you don't have bad stuff to talk about, its that you just save it for your husband and mom.

Let it go sister, let the facade crack a little, we all know you aren't telling 100% of the truth about how much you love quarantine, your mom needs a break.

Oh I get it. You like feeling superior to others. The more "real" they are, the more you "win." LOL keep trying! -NP

Anonymous wrote:I relate to that SIL too.

When I have shown or shared "not happy" emotions to my family, excluding my spouse, I was usually told to get over it, that whatever I was experiencing was not a problem, or that I was the only one with problems.

So, that leads to me believing I can only show "happy" emotions to my family. Sometimes I was even made fun of or criticized for sharing. So, at this point, I only show any disappoinment to my spouse or to closer friends.

It is telling OP's SIL shared some negative emotions during a time of weakness (drunk) and was horrified later on and denied she shared. That sounds like me, because I know I shouldn't share almost *anything* with family members, because if certain people find out it will be stored in the memory banks and trotted out later to use as criticism or to make fun of me.

OP, consider this. "Happiness" is quite possibly your SILs defense
mechanism against her family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate to the sister too. The only people I show negative emotions to are my husband and mother. I.e. the two people who love me no matter what. And even then I try to limit it because I don't want to see my ugly side or use them as my emotional punching bags.

With friends, even my closest friends, I would never venture to do more than kind of laughingly complain about some issue. Like I might say staying at home is "kind of boring but at least we're getting so much family time!" I would never just out and out complain. And certainly not about anything serious like my relationship or kids.

Well, that sounds more fake than private to me.

What is fake about it? Some people don't have messy personal problems that they need to hash out all the time.

It sounds like you are so worried about what people think about you that you actively hide negative things and negative emotions. You think THEY will think less of you. That's fake. And sad. People have shit. Being able to share the realities of your life - the good and the bad - is what builds true, deep, intimate friendships.

We ALL have problems, even people like me, who have a pretty great life. To actively hide the negative side to things, is fake. You are pretending to the world that you don't have "not so great" things that happen in your life. I'm not talking about unloading about your abusive childhood, but not even complaining about the three months of lock down that we've experienced? That's just pathological. It's not that you don't have bad stuff to talk about, its that you just save it for your husband and mom.

Let it go sister, let the facade crack a little, we all know you aren't telling 100% of the truth about how much you love quarantine, your mom needs a break.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate to the sister too. The only people I show negative emotions to are my husband and mother. I.e. the two people who love me no matter what. And even then I try to limit it because I don't want to see my ugly side or use them as my emotional punching bags.

With friends, even my closest friends, I would never venture to do more than kind of laughingly complain about some issue. Like I might say staying at home is "kind of boring but at least we're getting so much family time!" I would never just out and out complain. And certainly not about anything serious like my relationship or kids.

Well, that sounds more fake than private to me.

What is fake about it? Some people don't have messy personal problems that they need to hash out all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. I don't expect a relationship or anything. She can act how she likes; I was mainly curious to see what that mindset is. I cannot relate. And as I said, it's not my problem. I was curious because there are some good perspectives here. I don't really need to be told to back off. Yikes.

Why do you need to know what that mindset is?
Why is it important that you "cannot relate"?

Do you get that not everyone needs to "relate" to everyone? Do you get that your SIL's attitude, choices and behaviors are not necessarily inauthentic or odd just because YOU don't understand or "relate"?

-np

I do! I was curious for a peek into that way of being. Not trying to convert anyone. Just trying to put myself in her shoes. She is our neighbor, we see her all the time, and being around someone who never shows anything but cheerful gloss is sometimes hard to interact with, so I'm trying to empathize and to understand. That's all. I don't really need to be attacked or judged or barraged with a series of prosecutorial "Do you get? Do you get?" questions. Kindness.

You think people challenging your perspective and questioning your motivations is "attacking" you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate to the sister too. The only people I show negative emotions to are my husband and mother. I.e. the two people who love me no matter what. And even then I try to limit it because I don't want to see my ugly side or use them as my emotional punching bags.

With friends, even my closest friends, I would never venture to do more than kind of laughingly complain about some issue. Like I might say staying at home is "kind of boring but at least we're getting so much family time!" I would never just out and out complain. And certainly not about anything serious like my relationship or kids.

Well, that sounds more fake than private to me.

What is fake about it? Some people don't have messy personal problems that they need to hash out all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate to the sister too. The only people I show negative emotions to are my husband and mother. I.e. the two people who love me no matter what. And even then I try to limit it because I don't want to see my ugly side or use them as my emotional punching bags.

With friends, even my closest friends, I would never venture to do more than kind of laughingly complain about some issue. Like I might say staying at home is "kind of boring but at least we're getting so much family time!" I would never just out and out complain. And certainly not about anything serious like my relationship or kids.

Well, that sounds more fake than private to me.

Anonymous wrote:I relate to the sister too. The only people I show negative emotions to are my husband and mother. I.e. the two people who love me no matter what. And even then I try to limit it because I don't want to see my ugly side or use them as my emotional punching bags.

With friends, even my closest friends, I would never venture to do more than kind of laughingly complain about some issue. Like I might say staying at home is "kind of boring but at least we're getting so much family time!" I would never just out and out complain. And certainly not about anything serious like my relationship or kids.