Anonymous wrote:OP, I disagree with everyone. It may not be too late to save this marriage. Why, if he felt truly estranged from you, would he bother with flowers and a breakfast spread? The opposite of love is not hate, as we all know, but indifference. He sounds anything but indifferent. I feel nearly certain that if you went to him and opened your heart to the possibility of doing your marriage differently he would give you another chance. I believe he still loves you, but is exhausted by your failure to listen. If you want to stay with him you will need to commit to reducing your time with your parents to no more than once monthly. He has tried things your way. Now it is time for you to try things his way. If you give up without making one last effort I believe you will regret it. Try.

I agree with this poster. Since your Dad is an alcoholic and his parents are alcoholics have you (not the two of you) checked out Al Anon. It really really helped me as a daughter of an alcoholic and helped me set healthy boundaries
with alcoholic Dad.

If you go to marriage counseling I'd get someone who specializes in alcoholism or drug addiction in families, not a standard marriage counselor.

Is alcohol part of the scene at all of your family (on your side) functions?

Agree with PP, cut your visits back to once a month or once a quarter. Try out 6 Al Anon meetings. If you go to marriage counseling get one who specializes in addictions in families.

Signed, daughter of an alcoholic who crashed to the floor dead drunk at 11:00 am Christmas Day when I had a new boyfriend over to meet the family.

Anonymous wrote:$500 month? Wtf?

That’s nothing.

My kids are 12 and 14. Travel sport alone is $3200k each. We haven’t even gotten to school costs, food, clothing.

How much do you make?

I am a PP. I am only getting $400 a month for two kids in NoVa. It is a formula. Nothing I can do about. 50/50 custody. Yes, it sucks, but it is a formula and nothing I can do about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him file. Then fight him tooth and nail for full custody and every penny you can squeeze out of him. Sounds like a loser anyway. You will be fine. Oh, and line up a date as soon as possible and rub his face in it.

Why should she fight for full custody? You're advising her to use her child as a pawn to spite her husband? What is wrong with you?

It is pointless to fight for full custody. Courts favor 50/50. Child support is a formula. There is really not much to argue over. Go to a mediator and get it done. It honestly sounds like you are too different.

Op, you've posted before haven't you? About your husband having an issue with your family?

$500 month? Wtf?

That’s nothing.

My kids are 12 and 14. Travel sport alone is $3200k each. We haven’t even gotten to school costs, food, clothing.

How much do you make?

Asking someone to see your family once a week is quite a lot.

If you have similar incomes and do 50/50 child support, he would owe you NO child support. If he is offering you anything, that's above and beyond. Same for alimony.

Nonetheless, consult with a lawyer and figure out if he's hiding anything.

I’m surprised he married you in the first place. He didn’t know your family were freaks? I’m an extrovert, I like hanging out with family but I’d steer clear of yours. Alcoholics - that’s disgusting. The only thing - I’d fight for more child support. 500 is not much.

My dad is an alcoholic and he doesn’t want our son exposed to that ...

Op, you are an unfit Mother. Your husband is right.

Can you talk to him about marriage counseling? Nothing you said makes it seem like you guys are hopeless.

Lawyer.

Offer marriage counseling. If you can save your marriage, put your spouse first this time.

OP, I disagree with everyone. It may not be too late to save this marriage. Why, if he felt truly estranged from you, would he bother with flowers and a breakfast spread? The opposite of love is not hate, as we all know, but indifference. He sounds anything but indifferent. I feel nearly certain that if you went to him and opened your heart to the possibility of doing your marriage differently he would give you another chance. I believe he still loves you, but is exhausted by your failure to listen. If you want to stay with him you will need to commit to reducing your time with your parents to no more than once monthly. He has tried things your way. Now it is time for you to try things his way. If you give up without making one last effort I believe you will regret it. Try.

^ Also, OP, your husband was very consistent about everything. He’s holding both your families to the sane standards.

Regarding your anniversary: He was consistent here too, he didn’t get you a gift. He did try to show you he cares by making a the special breakfast/card/etc. It sounds like acts of service are his love language. Think back for the past few months, have you done anything to show him that you appreciate him? When was the last time you planned something nice for him? This ties in to your family again - inviting him to see your family every week is the opposite of an act of service - it is you showing him you do not care about him, that you do not value him.

You guys seem to have terrible communication. I don’t understand how you were blindsided by this. This is the equivalent of a student being shocked to see a F on their report card after having failed every assignment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him file. Then fight him tooth and nail for full custody and every penny you can squeeze out of him. Sounds like a loser anyway. You will be fine. Oh, and line up a date as soon as possible and rub his face in it.

OP is exposing their young child to an alcoholic every week, and her DH is still willing to give her 50% custody and child support even though their incomes are equal.

How is he the loser in this situation?

Because this is DCUM and the woman is always right.

Anonymous wrote:Let him file. Then fight him tooth and nail for full custody and every penny you can squeeze out of him. Sounds like a loser anyway. You will be fine. Oh, and line up a date as soon as possible and rub his face in it.

OP is exposing their young child to an alcoholic every week, and her DH is still willing to give her 50% custody and child support even though their incomes are equal.

How is he the loser in this situation?