extensive not expensive

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My great uncle was childless, never married and was fiercely independent and a loner. He didn't want any outside help from anyone, even as a younger person.

He lived to be 93. He fell inside his house and his one kind neighbor who visited regularly got the rescue squad to get him to the ER evaluation. He recovered but not enough to manage alone so was placed in a city run-nursing home. He died there a few months later.

My mom was his executor of his very small estate and but she refused this responsibility. Uncle's now-abandoned house sat empty and became an eyesore and a drug den for about a decade. Neighbors complained and went to the local media about the house and it was placed on a long demo list. Finally torn down 12 years after my uncle died.

Sounds like he lived a perfectly long life. His only mistake was leaving his estate to his niece. Should have left it to someone that would appreciate it.

My mom went to his house soon after he died and after seeing the inside, pretty much walked away. Uncle, although kind and sweet, as a hoarder and cat rescuer. Very little was salvageable. An attic stuffed with crumbling newspapers. Ivy growing inside through an upstairs window. A hole in the roof. But the fact that our mom absolved herself of all responsibilities and foisted the mess on an already overwhelmed community is shameful.

Most people don't have the expensive free time it takes to deal with a disaster like that. It is cruel, selfish and heartless for parents to leave that mess to their children. For an uncle to expect anyone to take that on is downright insane. The fact you call your mom shameful for refusing to take that on shows a lack of empathy. Did she abuse you and neglect you? THAT is shameful. Your uncle leaving that disaster for someone else to clean up is Shameful!

You sound overly interested in others' life decisions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My great uncle was childless, never married and was fiercely independent and a loner. He didn't want any outside help from anyone, even as a younger person.

He lived to be 93. He fell inside his house and his one kind neighbor who visited regularly got the rescue squad to get him to the ER evaluation. He recovered but not enough to manage alone so was placed in a city run-nursing home. He died there a few months later.

My mom was his executor of his very small estate and but she refused this responsibility. Uncle's now-abandoned house sat empty and became an eyesore and a drug den for about a decade. Neighbors complained and went to the local media about the house and it was placed on a long demo list. Finally torn down 12 years after my uncle died.

Sounds like he lived a perfectly long life. His only mistake was leaving his estate to his niece. Should have left it to someone that would appreciate it.

My mom went to his house soon after he died and after seeing the inside, pretty much walked away. Uncle, although kind and sweet, as a hoarder and cat rescuer. Very little was salvageable. An attic stuffed with crumbling newspapers. Ivy growing inside through an upstairs window. A hole in the roof. But the fact that our mom absolved herself of all responsibilities and foisted the mess on an already overwhelmed community is shameful.

Your uncle sounds like a good man. Your mom, not so much.

Did the uncle tell her she would executor? If not, I don't blame the mom. It's quite a job and not something you just assign someone without their consent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hate to break it to you but just b/c you have kids doesn't mean they will take care of you...ask people in ASL and SNF many of them have children.

Yeah, but it seems as if a lot of childless people are counting on nieces and nephews, which doesn’t seem too realistic.

It's not realistic.

Also with all the divorces, you go through a living hell caring for a dad who is declining with dementia and 29 other things going wrong who is difficult and 8 years into it, he passes away. Then angry hostile mom needs care and you've had it. You have nothing to give her. Then you find out you have your own illness and your therapist says it's time for you to take care of you. Siblings don't step up. You have nothing to give volatile declining mom and then aunty expects you to run out and care for her post surgery?No.

In my country, Canada, we can get medical aid in dying in early Alzheimer's so anybody who is proactive and wants to know they have it, can choose this. The problem is most people don't want to know and resist all testing. The doctor will monitor you and tell you when you're about to slip over into incompetence. It's called "ten minutes to midnight," so you go before the opportunity is lost. We've had people getting "put down" for arthritis, Parkinson's, and ALS, never mind cancer.

So the only thing that would prevent me from dying before someone had to wipe my a.s.s. would be a stroke that put me into a complete coma. They pretty much just pull the plug on you in that state here so I'm good to go. I'm leaving my lifetime of assets to a friend's daughters, who work in occupations that don't pay enough for what they do. I'm not handing it over to the "elder care industry."

Watch the movie "A Secret Love," (Netflix) about two longtime (like since the 1940s) gay partners. Brings up the whole issue of this. In this case, one of the ladies had a very involved niece, but for gay people, generations of whom did not have kids, this has always been a big issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My great uncle was childless, never married and was fiercely independent and a loner. He didn't want any outside help from anyone, even as a younger person.

He lived to be 93. He fell inside his house and his one kind neighbor who visited regularly got the rescue squad to get him to the ER evaluation. He recovered but not enough to manage alone so was placed in a city run-nursing home. He died there a few months later.

My mom was his executor of his very small estate and but she refused this responsibility. Uncle's now-abandoned house sat empty and became an eyesore and a drug den for about a decade. Neighbors complained and went to the local media about the house and it was placed on a long demo list. Finally torn down 12 years after my uncle died.

Sounds like he lived a perfectly long life. His only mistake was leaving his estate to his niece. Should have left it to someone that would appreciate it.

My mom went to his house soon after he died and after seeing the inside, pretty much walked away. Uncle, although kind and sweet, as a hoarder and cat rescuer. Very little was salvageable. An attic stuffed with crumbling newspapers. Ivy growing inside through an upstairs window. A hole in the roof. But the fact that our mom absolved herself of all responsibilities and foisted the mess on an already overwhelmed community is shameful.

Your uncle sounds like a good man. Your mom, not so much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My great uncle was childless, never married and was fiercely independent and a loner. He didn't want any outside help from anyone, even as a younger person.

He lived to be 93. He fell inside his house and his one kind neighbor who visited regularly got the rescue squad to get him to the ER evaluation. He recovered but not enough to manage alone so was placed in a city run-nursing home. He died there a few months later.

My mom was his executor of his very small estate and but she refused this responsibility. Uncle's now-abandoned house sat empty and became an eyesore and a drug den for about a decade. Neighbors complained and went to the local media about the house and it was placed on a long demo list. Finally torn down 12 years after my uncle died.

Sounds like he lived a perfectly long life. His only mistake was leaving his estate to his niece. Should have left it to someone that would appreciate it.

My mom went to his house soon after he died and after seeing the inside, pretty much walked away. Uncle, although kind and sweet, as a hoarder and cat rescuer. Very little was salvageable. An attic stuffed with crumbling newspapers. Ivy growing inside through an upstairs window. A hole in the roof. But the fact that our mom absolved herself of all responsibilities and foisted the mess on an already overwhelmed community is shameful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You save and make a plan to hire help and a skilled facility if/when needed. EVERYONE should do this. It is your own responsibility even if you have children. Your children may want to care for you and move you in with them, but they aren’t obligated.

I guess it just seems like there’s so many other issues that older people need help with even before they are at the point where they need long term care. It’s not like you go from being healthy and having your full mental facilities to not being able to live independently. I’ve seen my parents provide help with their own parent for quite a few years when technically speaking they could make decisions for themselves, but in reality they just weren’t that sharp anymore.

You seem to be projecting your fears on the childless / childfree.

Not really. I honestly wonder about this. My grandmother would have been dead years ago if it weren’t for my father. She refused to leave her house even though she obviously shouldn’t have been living alone. My father didn’t have the heart to force her out of her home so he spent years going over to her house a few times a week to care for her. When that finally became too much for him, he finally got the strength to force her to move into a nursing home. How can anyone say with certainty that they won’t be stubborn and illogical when they are old either?

That’s your opinion. Sounds like she was moved against her will.

Anonymous wrote:My great uncle was childless, never married and was fiercely independent and a loner. He didn't want any outside help from anyone, even as a younger person.

He lived to be 93. He fell inside his house and his one kind neighbor who visited regularly got the rescue squad to get him to the ER evaluation. He recovered but not enough to manage alone so was placed in a city run-nursing home. He died there a few months later.

My mom was his executor of his very small estate and but she refused this responsibility. Uncle's now-abandoned house sat empty and became an eyesore and a drug den for about a decade. Neighbors complained and went to the local media about the house and it was placed on a long demo list. Finally torn down 12 years after my uncle died.

Sounds like he lived a perfectly long life. His only mistake was leaving his estate to his niece. Should have left it to someone that would appreciate it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hate to break it to you but just b/c you have kids doesn't mean they will take care of you...ask people in ASL and SNF many of them have children.

Yeah, but it seems as if a lot of childless people are counting on nieces and nephews, which doesn’t seem too realistic.

No, a lot of childless people are not counting on nieces and nephews. Where are you getting your assumptions from?

This thread.

It’s only the nieces that are saying they are planning to take care of their aunts/uncles. Not the other way around.

My great uncle was childless, never married and was fiercely independent and a loner. He didn't want any outside help from anyone, even as a younger person.

He lived to be 93. He fell inside his house and his one kind neighbor who visited regularly got the rescue squad to get him to the ER evaluation. He recovered but not enough to manage alone so was placed in a city run-nursing home. He died there a few months later.

My mom was his executor of his very small estate and but she refused this responsibility. Uncle's now-abandoned house sat empty and became an eyesore and a drug den for about a decade. Neighbors complained and went to the local media about the house and it was placed on a long demo list. Finally torn down 12 years after my uncle died.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You save and make a plan to hire help and a skilled facility if/when needed. EVERYONE should do this. It is your own responsibility even if you have children. Your children may want to care for you and move you in with them, but they aren’t obligated.

I guess it just seems like there’s so many other issues that older people need help with even before they are at the point where they need long term care. It’s not like you go from being healthy and having your full mental facilities to not being able to live independently. I’ve seen my parents provide help with their own parent for quite a few years when technically speaking they could make decisions for themselves, but in reality they just weren’t that sharp anymore.

You seem to be projecting your fears on the childless / childfree.

Not really. I honestly wonder about this. My grandmother would have been dead years ago if it weren’t for my father. She refused to leave her house even though she obviously shouldn’t have been living alone. My father didn’t have the heart to force her out of her home so he spent years going over to her house a few times a week to care for her. When that finally became too much for him, he finally got the strength to force her to move into a nursing home. How can anyone say with certainty that they won’t be stubborn and illogical when they are old either?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nieces, nephews and godchildren.

However let me remind you that the vast majority of lonely and forgotten old people are not childless. Visit any nursing home if you need proof.

Yes many people who have children are in nursing homes but that doesn’t mean they are forgotten. Often the children are still keeping tabs on their parents.

Keep tabs? That's about right. Just go to an ASL facility or SNF and see how many visitors are there on a regular basis. These places are being used to babysit parents and regular visits are few and far between for a lot of them. We have to do better for our parents and elderly in general--just add to the TO DO list for America.