Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s out of control and the marriage is headed on fast track to splitsville. Ultimatum her back into her senses. No more co sleeping. Sex twice per week. These are your non-negotiable requirements. In 10 years she will thank you for being the adult.

Yes, good luck with that. You can ultimatum her right to the divorce lawyer’s office, if that’s what you want. I can’t imagine many women — or, you know, human beings — who would respond to an ultimatum like that with anything other than “f**k you”.

Well, if he's not getting any because she's always in bed with DC, he's got nothing to lose.

Yes, if he considers what he has now “nothing” then he won’t mind getting his ass dumped. Also we know nothing about frequency of their sex life. It is actually possible to have sex times and places other than at night in the marital bed. Also, the man doesn’t have to be on top. Crazy!

But you go on with your weird obsession with how often other couples have sex.

She already HAS “dumped him” so your threat rings hollow. Trust me we DO know their sexual frequency is terrible. OP never would have posted otherwise. The cosleeping is a symptom of a sexless marriage. So he needs to ultimatum her in order to prevent certain divorce or certain cheating. As was said he has nothing to lose because his marriage is already lost unless he takes drastic measures now to save it.

NP here. Ah... that is ridiculous! DH and I have 3 kids and have slept with them until they were 2-3 years old. We never had sex less than 3 times a week (except for the first 2 months POst partum). We always have sex after the kids go to sleep and then we co-sleep with our youngest that is 15 months

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not into attachment parenting, but I find it so ironic that adults need someone to sleep with for comfort and love, but can’t fathom that a child might too?

Your child is not your life partner. Though some women act like they are.

Or rather, ones life partner shouldn’t be a child, and should be able to sleep in the dark alone without getting scared and needing someone with them.

I know a 14 yo ds that still sleeps with his parents. Its ridiculous. I blame it on the mother's own abandonment issues because she feels its cruel to make ds sleep in his own room. He's 14!!!

Anonymous wrote:FFS, just talk to your wife and also stop hiding behind the fact that 'she wants to do everything about the kids' and that 'no matter what you do, your son won't fall back asleep with you'. Just try harder for longer so your wife can get a break if she wants to. Take some responsibility.

yeah, b/c the women here are so willing to discuss and find a compromise on how things should be done...FFS get your head out of your own a$$

https://youtu.be/bO9m4D2gcGg

This is why one should never breastfeed at forty-three.

Be warned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is literally one of the most bizarre posts I’ve read here. Your wife co-sleeping with a child is against almost every recommendation out there. Not only is it bad for the child but it’ll destroy your marriage, what’s left of it.

I’ll go out on a limb and bet your wife plans to breastfeed this kid until he’s a preteen.

I breastfed my kids til they were preteens and they are FINE. They only hop into our bed 3 out of 4 nights.

Good one.

This comment so reminds me of that SNL skit where Dave Chapelle had friends Pete, Keenan & co. over to his house to watch a football game.

Then Leslie Jones (his Mother) breastfed him when he was thirsty.

Nothing like taking a shot of breast milk from a shot glass!

Bottoms up!

I definitely wouldn’t have another child with her until this is resolved. 2 kids will only magnify the problem.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not into attachment parenting, but I find it so ironic that adults need someone to sleep with for comfort and love, but can’t fathom that a child might too?

Your child is not your life partner. Though some women act like they are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s out of control and the marriage is headed on fast track to splitsville. Ultimatum her back into her senses. No more co sleeping. Sex twice per week. These are your non-negotiable requirements. In 10 years she will thank you for being the adult.

Yes, good luck with that. You can ultimatum her right to the divorce lawyer’s office, if that’s what you want. I can’t imagine many women — or, you know, human beings — who would respond to an ultimatum like that with anything other than “f**k you”.

Well, if he's not getting any because she's always in bed with DC, he's got nothing to lose.

Yes, if he considers what he has now “nothing” then he won’t mind getting his ass dumped. Also we know nothing about frequency of their sex life. It is actually possible to have sex times and places other than at night in the marital bed. Also, the man doesn’t have to be on top. Crazy!

But you go on with your weird obsession with how often other couples have sex.

She already HAS “dumped him” so your threat rings hollow. Trust me we DO know their sexual frequency is terrible. OP never would have posted otherwise. The cosleeping is a symptom of a sexless marriage. So he needs to ultimatum her in order to prevent certain divorce or certain cheating. As was said he has nothing to lose because his marriage is already lost unless he takes drastic measures now to save it.

Co sleeping in the same need, that is extremely dangerous. Don't do it. Co sleeping in same room fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Igh I'm sorry. I'm a DW and I made it clear from the second I got pregnant our bed would remain child free (and pet free). Im a HUGE believer in strong marriage, happy family. I was a nanny for 15 years before having kids. I worked for 4 families over that span and 2 families that coslept had a very strained marriage, one of them is now divorced. My daughter sleeps 6:45p-7:30a and knowing I have that time with DH or to myself does wonders for my mental health.

Can you put the shared mattress in the master then have DW move from mattress to bed with you and kid on the mattress then mattress back to kids room by himself? A slow weaning process?

I highly doubt cosleeping was a cause of a strained marriage. That is ridiculous. People can still spend time with and have sex with their spouse without sleeping in the same bed with them. They probably had many issues. Also, you seem to have a good sleeper. Not everyone does.

This. My DH and I have slept with our kids up until they turned 2.5 on alternating nights. We have basically not slept together for 4 years (two kids) and then together 1 year and now apart again (baby is 14 months old). This is not a problem for us at all. Our kids were horrible sleepers and by sleeping in their room with them on alternating nights we all got more sleep. We always had sex and spent time together after kids went to sleep. We still have sex 3 times a week and are very happy. I am sure in a year or so we will be sleeping together again.

For what is worth, our older kids (6.5 and 4.5) NEVER come to our room at night...

Anonymous wrote:My DW has been co sleeping with our 13 month old son since he was about 3 months old. They have a very close bond and she’s a fantastic mother.

But I miss my wife. I miss having evenings with her. Often times she or I will put him down in and then she goes to bed about an hour or two later. If we’re intimate, it’s only in the shower. I’d like to have another child one day and she’s intent on continuing to co sleep with BOTH kids. She child proofed the bedroom and bought a king sized bed and it’s on the floor with a frame that’s low to the ground. Our son had a custom Montessori floor bed in his room.

I tried to put our son down in his room alone last night and he went down just fine. He woke after about two hours crying and could not be consoled by me. It’s very clear my DW is the preferred parent and she was very distressed at the idea of not sleeping next to our DS.

Im concerned my wife and son are almost too attached to eachother. My wife is into the whole gamet: slings, wraps, Montessori preschools and attachment parenting. I’m not sure I buy into all of it but I play along. I just wish they could sleep apart for ONE night.

You've got two issues here - one is immediate and one is long term. Both involve you sitting down and having a serious talk with your wife.

Co-sleeping may be working for your wife and son, but it's not working for your family because you feel disconnected and shut out. You obviously need to talk to your wife about this. I think it would likely go a long way with your wife if you research and offer to take the lead on transitioning him into his own room and acknowledge her feelings. This may mean some sleepless nights of rocking and comforting your son, so be prepared. I think it's pretty unlikely your wife is going to go for crying it out.

And that brings me to the long-term. You need to stop "playing along." It's very clear that your wife is pretty invested in what she thinks is the right way to parent. TBH, slings, wraps, Montessori preschool are all a net neutral. I would not die on any of those hills (although true Montessori is not really congruent with attachment parenting, but I digress). But I would start having the discussion with her about why/perceived benefits, etc. Or you are going to wake up one day and realize that you don't have much of a voice at all in schooling/parenting/activities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a cultural or nursing issue?

Yes. Crunchy upper middle class liberal mom culture.

Nope. The range of women in my groups that are pro-co sleeping is astounding. older moms, young moms, mid 30s moms, rich, poor, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, extended breastfeeding, not extended breastfeeding, in the US, international, etc. Maybe they all are liberal but we don't discuss politics. That could be the thread that binds us.

These are the only two criteria you list that PP identified. You list a whole bunch of other criteria that PP didn't mention.

In other words, you agree with PP because you've failed to refute his/her statement.

See above for an example of someone who feels the need to belittle people for absolutely no reason. I know you have posted on this particular topic a lot because of the hateful tone in your posts. Please go find an outlet for your anger and disappointment in your life.

See bolded for crunchy.

UPMC disputed

Liberal cant dispute since maybe it is a common thread

Mom culture- not a phrase I can dispute

The PP was very pointed in their designation of who cosleeps and that is not true. Women from all walks of life co sleep, sometimes because it is culturally the norm or because of their own research/parenting views.

FFS, just talk to your wife and also stop hiding behind the fact that 'she wants to do everything about the kids' and that 'no matter what you do, your son won't fall back asleep with you'. Just try harder for longer so your wife can get a break if she wants to. Take some responsibility.

Why do you only have an hour or two? What time do you go to bed? How late is your kid staying up?