Anonymous
Post 05/25/2020 21:06     Subject: If you had a baby in your late twenties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I had my first at 27. The pros for me were no fertility issues, plenty of time to space out another child, and getting through the baby/toddler years while we were young. There are cons, too, most notably my career. It's really hard to build a career with an infant/toddler at an age when most people don't have kids. It took me a long time in my thirties to catch up with my peers and in my late thirties I struggled with feeling inferior. We also had less money because I made less. The very young baby years are wonderful but also kind of miserable, and it might have been nice to have old friends who were also going through the same thing -- mine were still mostly single and didn't get it, at all.

It's nice now that we're in our 40s/50s and our kids are older and will be leaving for college soon.

So anyway, pluses and minuses. I'd probably delay a couple years if I were doing it over, but there were good things about it.


I just thought I'd add to this - we were also educated with grad degrees, had just bought a house, and had stable jobs. The thing I didn't anticipate was how difficult it would be for me in my late 20s/early 30s to cope with raising a baby while building a career. (In stereotypical fashion, my husband's career was not impacted at all). I paid a price professionally for it that he didn't. Something to keep in mind.

This was my experience as well. My career suffered, I also don’t have any friends with kids the same age as my eldest. I have four kids, and all my friends started having kids when I was on my third. I really feel like I missed out, and I don’t really feel like I have a lot of close friends. Might have felt differently if I had waited.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2020 20:52     Subject: If you had a baby in your late twenties
I met my husband at 28, married at 31 and got pregnant at 32. I had my second at 35. I always thought I would never meet the right guy in time so I was thrilled with my timeline but if I was in your position, yes! I would have a kid at 27/28. That would be ideal. I traveled, exp,red, partied a ton in my 20’s but I was pretty over it by 26 or so and ready for the next thing. Everyone is different but if you are ready, I think the pros outweigh the cons by quite a bit.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2020 17:25     Subject: Re:If you had a baby in your late twenties
OP, I would consider where you are in your career. Depending on grad school(s), promotion ladders, and other things, it can be harder to take time off for maternity leave or to stay at home or just have flexibility in general when you are less established. I don't know what you do, and I'm sure my situation is different than yours, but that's something to consider.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2020 17:16     Subject: If you had a baby in your late twenties
Anonymous wrote:I had my first at 27 too. I don't regret it. He's 11 now and it's kind of nice to be 38 with an 11 year old and a 9 year old instead of a 2 year old and a baby.

The one thing is, it's hard to be out of step with your peers. We started early because we're homebodies and not big partiers. Never one to go out to bars or clubs. So we basically skipped that whole phase.

But that means that we're in a different parenting stage than a lot of our college and work friends who are deep in the baby and toddler stage right now. I don't envy them, that's for sure! But I also don't really relate. I have no interest in talking about sleep training, breast feeding, potty training, toddler tantrums, preschools, etc. I always feel like telling them that none of that stuff they're stressing about really matters in the long run but I bite my tongue because I remember what it was like. It's normal to stress but none of it matters.

As for travel, our incomes increased a lot in our 30s so we just brought our kids with us. Before CV, we traveled 5-6 times a year so I don't feel like I missed out on anything travel related. You may experience the same when everything returns to normal.


This! It is SO much nicer to have friends whose kids are close in age. Not that you can't make new friends, and of course you would, and I'm not trying to be flippant about your fertility, because that can be an issue, but if it were me, I'd say wait until 30.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2020 17:02     Subject: If you had a baby in your late twenties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People who have babies +40 are gross and selfish.


I've actually met some really great older parents over the years. They are mature, responsible and very involved with their kids.

I know that I was much better parent having kids in my mid 30's than I would have been in my early or mid 20's. Late 20's would have been fine from a responsibility standpoint but I wasn't quite ready financially. I'm glad I waited.


People who have babies before 24 are gross and selfish


+1

I don't get why anyone would want to do that.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2020 16:44     Subject: Re:If you had a baby in your late twenties
If you have time, why push having kids during a pandemic? Your husband wont be able to attend any appointments. May not be at the birth depending on the hospital policy and no baby shower, celebrations or grandparents visiting besides the risk to your health and your baby's health. It's a horrible time to have your first kid.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2020 16:33     Subject: If you had a baby in your late twenties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People who have babies +40 are gross and selfish.


I've actually met some really great older parents over the years. They are mature, responsible and very involved with their kids.

I know that I was much better parent having kids in my mid 30's than I would have been in my early or mid 20's. Late 20's would have been fine from a responsibility standpoint but I wasn't quite ready financially. I'm glad I waited.


People who have babies before 24 are gross and selfish
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2020 15:29     Subject: Re:If you had a baby in your late twenties
There is no perfect time to have kids. I was married at 26 and wanted to try for kids 2 years later. I really did not want an older mom. My mom had me at 30 and then my sister at 40 and my brother at 45 (second marriage). She just seemed tired and burdened with my siblings. Anyway, we went off BC after 2 years and was still not pregnant a year later and ended up doing IVF and had my first at 30 and my second at 32 (also IVF).

I’m 35 now and so happy my family is complete. I also have a big career (breadwinner and make pretty good money living in N. Arlington) so I don’t feel like I compromised on my career. Thankfully, my mom (65) is very fit and energetic and moved up here to help....so another plus on having kids on the young side is being able to really help with grandkids. My kids sleepover my mom’s once a week and LOVE it.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2020 15:24     Subject: Re:If you had a baby in your late twenties
Had my kids at 27, 30, 33, 36.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2020 15:22     Subject: Re:If you had a baby in your late twenties
I was 27 when I had my oldest. DH and I were similar to you and your DH, graduate degrees, stable jobs with 401ks that we maxed, but we bought our first house when oldest was one year. We ended up with four kids, and everything about the first (pregnancy, keeping up, etc.) was easier. My career did take a bit of a hit, but that was my choice as I switched to a part-time schedule. I would definitely choose to start “young” again (understanding that young in DC is not young in many other places).
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2020 15:20     Subject: If you had a baby in your late twenties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Never regretted it. Best decison eve. Was 24 and 26 when I had my kids. At 44 my kids are 20 abr 18. Its amazing. I feel so bad for my peers who have toddlers.


You are so right. When you are younger, it's incredible how much energy you have. I'm 44 and have a 5 year old. I wish I could travel and go somewhere, but can't with such a young child. On the other hand, I have travelled a lot before kids, so can't complain much.


I had my youngest when I was 36 (dh 38) and we've had lots of fun family trips together. We have were very involved in their activities. I may have had more energy in my 20's but I don't know that I would have put nearly as much energy into parenting as I did in my 30's. It really depends on the person. I was not mature and responsible enough to provide a stable home for a child when I was in my early/mid 20's.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2020 15:15     Subject: If you had a baby in your late twenties
Anonymous wrote:People who have babies +40 are gross and selfish.


I've actually met some really great older parents over the years. They are mature, responsible and very involved with their kids.

I know that I was much better parent having kids in my mid 30's than I would have been in my early or mid 20's. Late 20's would have been fine from a responsibility standpoint but I wasn't quite ready financially. I'm glad I waited.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2020 15:11     Subject: If you had a baby in your late twenties
^ np. I had kids younger and it was hard that my parents and in-laws were young grandparents. They were in their Mid to late 50s when grandkids were born. They had zero time to help because they all 4 still worked. They all still expected us to travel to them and treated us more like children because our siblings were still in college. Young grandparents are not a good thing. It’s best if they’re 60-62 and just retired when the first grandkid comes along. Our siblings received SO much more help when their kids were born and grandparents were able to actually visit them.

I’m surprised everyone is looking froward to traveling in their 50s when kids are gone... my favorite trips were in my 20s when we had tons of energy and were more adventurous. If you want to travel, do it while you’re young.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2020 15:11     Subject: If you had a baby in your late twenties
DH and I were in a similar situation and I had mine at 27. No regrets. Everyone’s situation is different but I will be thrilled to be only 45 when my oldest graduates from high school.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2020 15:08     Subject: If you had a baby in your late twenties
Anonymous wrote:Never regretted it. Best decison eve. Was 24 and 26 when I had my kids. At 44 my kids are 20 abr 18. Its amazing. I feel so bad for my peers who have toddlers.


You are so right. When you are younger, it's incredible how much energy you have. I'm 44 and have a 5 year old. I wish I could travel and go somewhere, but can't with such a young child. On the other hand, I have travelled a lot before kids, so can't complain much.