Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the good guys want someone who is a good partner, not just the hottest woman they can get. I have two male relatives who met and married divorced women with kids in their 40's. Both relatives are high earners, one of them ridiculously high earning. Neither of the women is a bombshell. They're decent looking, but that's it. But the big issue is that both women are great partners and wonderful moms and now grandmas several years later.

For the extremely high earner, he had kids from a previous marriage and so did his now second wife. She's educated, involved with the community, and took over a lot of parenting duties for all the kids. She's a wonderful person and he's lucky to have her.

Exactly! Paint yourself as someone who wants to take care of the kids, the house, the community, and him while he focuses on office work. Enjoy!

LOL. Nothing has changed over the last few decades.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the good guys want someone who is a good partner, not just the hottest woman they can get. I have two male relatives who met and married divorced women with kids in their 40's. Both relatives are high earners, one of them ridiculously high earning. Neither of the women is a bombshell. They're decent looking, but that's it. But the big issue is that both women are great partners and wonderful moms and now grandmas several years later.

For the extremely high earner, he had kids from a previous marriage and so did his now second wife. She's educated, involved with the community, and took over a lot of parenting duties for all the kids. She's a wonderful person and he's lucky to have her.

Exactly! Paint yourself as someone who wants to take care of the kids, the house, the community, and him while he focuses on office work. Enjoy!

Ah yes, the milkmaid approach. One totally selfless SAH spouse and one totally selfish workaholic.

Guess the only winner is who can stomach that dynamic until retirement time, and hope the relationship is still there and not all resentment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the good guys want someone who is a good partner, not just the hottest woman they can get. I have two male relatives who met and married divorced women with kids in their 40's. Both relatives are high earners, one of them ridiculously high earning. Neither of the women is a bombshell. They're decent looking, but that's it. But the big issue is that both women are great partners and wonderful moms and now grandmas several years later.

For the extremely high earner, he had kids from a previous marriage and so did his now second wife. She's educated, involved with the community, and took over a lot of parenting duties for all the kids. She's a wonderful person and he's lucky to have her.

And yes he is lucky. Hope he finally realizes that too.

PP here, yes, he does. Plus all his female relatives remind him constantly His first wife was gorgeous, but their marriage had a lot of issues and they were constantly battling each other. I think he learned a lot about what not to do and he grew up a bit himself. His second marriage is fantastic. They're fully on the same team and his kids love the current wife. She did so much for them when they were young and now she's a fabulous grandma to all their grandkids. They have a wonderful life.

The other male relative married a divorced woman with tween kids. Now they're extremely involved grandparents. They also have a fabulous life, spending almost every weekend with grandkids. They're the kind of grandparents I wish we had for our kids. They take the grandkids for all or part of almost every weekend to give parents a break.

My takeaway is that the right kind of guys look at the type of future they want with kids, grandkids, etc. They're looking for someone who can facilitate that and build the relationships with family, community, etc. I think it's important for women to look not only at what they're getting, but also what they're giving. The type of guy who would marry a woman who doesn't have a great relationship with his kids isn't a good man, and the type of woman who would marry a man who doesn't have a good relationship with his and her kids isn't a good woman. If you want a good guy and a happy life with kids and grandkids, then you need to be willing to work hard to foster that environment. It's a bit sexist, but women still control a lot of the family relationships. In both cases, their wives are the ones coordinating with both sides of the family and planning the kid stuff. It's not always easy, but it really pays off, especially once kids are grown and you have close relationships with adult children and grandkids.

If I'm ever single again, then finding a man who wants this same long view of close relationships with our kids and eventually grandkids is a must. It's what the good ones want. Just my 2 cents, YMMV.

Anonymous wrote:Like everything else, I think it’s a crapshoot. Unfortunately, I do think there is a surplus of women who are relatively attractive, decently kind, and looking for a long-term commitment, as opposed to men who have those qualities. I know women who have gotten lucky and others who have not.

This really depends on the age range. Generally, the older you get, the more the dating market tends to favor men. Part of that is just biological wiring (men are less interested in socioeconomic status and more attracted to youth). Part of it is that men have shorter lives. And part of it is that life sorts men into Winners and Losers more sharply than women. By a certain age, the ranks of the “Winners” start getting thin.

Anonymous wrote:I would consider spending some time away from dating and figuring out how you are living your single life before leaping into a relationship, but yes, plenty of women in their forties go on and find boyfriends and even remarry.

She doesn’t have the luxury of wasting time. Life is short. Not all married people are all figured out. Sometimes you figure yourself out with the right partner.

Like everything else, I think it’s a crapshoot. Unfortunately, I do think there is a surplus of women who are relatively attractive, decently kind, and looking for a long-term commitment, as opposed to men who have those qualities. I know women who have gotten lucky and others who have not.

Anonymous wrote:

So what? The guy needs to do some self-examination. The reason his wife was "reserved sexually" was because he got fat, lazy, and boring. If he does not recognize that, then he is destined to end up in the same place in all his future relationships.

It is possibly inevitable that as the years pass, wives lose interest in having sex with their husbands, but many men accelerate the process when they let themselves become fat, lazy, and boring.

How are you sure that he got fat, lazy, or boring? Do you know the poster and the situation?

If not, you do not have a clue why he felt his wife was reserved sexually. Maybe his XDW was batshit crazy (like you appear to be) and this craziness prevented her from having a normal sexual relationship with him.

Without knowing anything about their situation, you are the one that should do the self-examination and STFU instead of writing crazy posts.

This is the poster who apparently unbeknownst to himself "got fat, lazy and boring." I appreciate your reply in my defense! Thank you. The ex wife is a covert narcissist who only enjoys sex for the narcissistic supply she receives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good man is not easy to find at any age

This!

By “good man” to many women looking is a man who is over six feet tall and who meets a long list of other criteria. There’s plenty of nice guys in their 40s and 50s, many divorced, some never married. Expand the horizons and see what happens.

Anonymous wrote:

personality matters for long term relationships and marriage. For better or for worse. For "worse" only because often it means a man wants a laid-back personality who will just let him walk over her and do what he wants. High-strung, high-maintenance and intense women have less success in maintaining a relationship,

NO woman will let you walk all over her and do whatever you want.

ALL women will relentlessly try to take control of the relationship. It's like the death of a thousand cuts - every day she pushes to see if you'll give in, and if you do (just to get a moment's peace) then tomorrow she's back pushing for something else. It's damned exhausting. And the sad thing is, if you let them win, they hate you for it and nothing dries up their panties like the resulting contempt.

Wtf?

Anonymous wrote:Not going through this whole thread but the answer is No.

I know lots of plain, chubby women who have partnered up easily while slender, attractive women have remained single (maybe that's why they are still slender and attractive?)

I'm not trying to be politically correct here, but personality matters for long term relationships and marriage. For better or for worse. For "worse" only because often it means a man wants a laid-back personality who will just let him walk over her and do what he wants. High-strung, high-maintenance and intense women have less success in maintaining a relationship, no matter how hot they are.

A man would generally rather marry a slightly overweight average looking woman than a woman who is "emotional" or full of "drama"

Or g-d forbid, standards!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you will need to look at ages 65 and older

That's extreme, like 20 years older? OP shouldn't exclude them, but there is definitely men in their 50s or even 40s who would date her.

If you are interested in good sex look for guys in 20-30's. Most guys >40 are short on stamina and have ED issues.

If sex doesn't matter look for an older guy, their sex drive and ability is fading in the rear view mirror but they may be good companions.

Their sex drive may drop, but older men usually have more skill and empathy. A young tyke might be fun for a fling, but they tend to view older women as cougars rather than LTR material.

Anonymous wrote:OP, the good guys want someone who is a good partner, not just the hottest woman they can get. I have two male relatives who met and married divorced women with kids in their 40's. Both relatives are high earners, one of them ridiculously high earning. Neither of the women is a bombshell. They're decent looking, but that's it. But the big issue is that both women are great partners and wonderful moms and now grandmas several years later.

For the extremely high earner, he had kids from a previous marriage and so did his now second wife. She's educated, involved with the community, and took over a lot of parenting duties for all the kids. She's a wonderful person and he's lucky to have her.

And yes he is lucky. Hope he finally realizes that too.

Anonymous wrote:OP, the good guys want someone who is a good partner, not just the hottest woman they can get. I have two male relatives who met and married divorced women with kids in their 40's. Both relatives are high earners, one of them ridiculously high earning. Neither of the women is a bombshell. They're decent looking, but that's it. But the big issue is that both women are great partners and wonderful moms and now grandmas several years later.

For the extremely high earner, he had kids from a previous marriage and so did his now second wife. She's educated, involved with the community, and took over a lot of parenting duties for all the kids. She's a wonderful person and he's lucky to have her.

Exactly! Paint yourself as someone who wants to take care of the kids, the house, the community, and him while he focuses on office work. Enjoy!

Anonymous wrote:So what? The guy needs to do some self-examination. The reason his wife was "reserved sexually" was because he got fat, lazy, and boring. If he does not recognize that, then he is destined to end up in the same place in all his future relationships.

It is possibly inevitable that as the years pass, wives lose interest in having sex with their husbands, but many men accelerate the process when they let themselves become fat, lazy, and boring.

Yup, just like it’s inevitable that as those years pass, husbands lose interest in monogamy and find another partner. Many wives accelerate the process when the become sexless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use the word “ sensual” in your online dating profile and the men will flock. Good men, as someone said, are hard to find at any age. Good luck!

Also "Ruebenesque" and "Zaftig." Bon voyage!

Lol!