OP, you need to extend some grace to both yourself and your kids. You are teleworking in the middle of a global pandemic while taking care of a 1 and 3 year old with no childcare or cleaning service.

I have much older kids and it’s still a struggle to stay on top of the dishes, clutter, art projects during this time.

My kids are also 2 years apart and some of the best memories I have are them playing for hours on some elaborate imaginary game that involved every little toy figure, toy car and stuffed animal in the house. That kind of play is really valuable for kids and, honestly, great for keeping them occupied. But I also think it’s reasonable to confine it to 1-2 areas, like the playroom. Can you put a shade on the glass door so you can literally not see the playroom mess at the end of the day?

My red line has always been that the kitchen needs to be cleaned up at night, and our family room and we never allowed toys to really migrate into our bedroom in any large numbers, but other than that, really try to let little things go. This is a crazy time.

For the number of things that you are trying to accomplish it makes sense that it takes 3 hours. However you really need to look at that full list and pick a few that you are willing to cut corners. Don't want to get takeout and like to cook? Meal plan in a way that 2-3 days of the week you are reheating leftovers and dishes shouldn't take an hour. Do you need to vacuum the whole house everyday or are you comfortable just vacuuming high traffic/crumb areas like the kitchen on a daily basis and leaving the rest to a few times of week? If you set a schedule you may feel more of a sense of control knowing that at some point things will be cleaned.

In terms of your kids it doesn't have to be all or nothing. I have a 4.5 year old and an 1.5 year old and they definitely help clean up. A few things that could help:

1. You have way too many toys out. We live in an apartment with no playroom (just a play area in the main living space) and that forces me to limit big toys. Like other posters have mentioned you don't need to have legos, a train table and a bounce house all available in different rooms. Pick one big thing and keep everything in the playroom.

2. If they are just playing in the playroom I wouldn't enforce one toy at a time. Its good for kids to play uninterrupted. My daughter likes to put her counting bears in her magnatile castles and use her ice cream truck to catch the cars that come off her race track. I would just have set times for clean-up like before lunch, after snack, etc.

3. For messy activities like playdoh or arts and crafts I would decide when I was comfortable with them playing with them and limit it to those times. If they do have outdoor time things like playdoh can easily be brought out to play with on the tarp. The kids can also have picnics outside to help limit crumbs during mealtimes. If you do a messy activity indoors I would enforce clean up before moving onto something new. I put my 1.5 year old in a highchair and give him paper and crayons. When he's done I clean-up and then take him out so he has to wait before moving onto the next thing.

4. This is the best age to teach cleaning up! Kids love to help and feel like a big person. At 3.5 I made my daughter earn money for a new toy by giving her tasks like putting away her laundry, wiping down the bathroom sinks, arranging the shoes in the coat closet, etc. Now at 4.5 she can put away her toys and arrange everything in her play area and room better than any cleaning person or nanny. I have to direct my 1.5 year old but he loves helping his big sister by handing her things for her to put away.

I hear you. The house was bombed today and I lost my shit. My husband was like what do you expect, the kids are locked in the house all week! They are 2.5 and 4. I took my anger out on them and felt awful. It really gives me anxiety though.

You are getting some good ideas OP.

Pair the toys down by 70%. Rotate new toys every 2 weeks.

You seem like you would be better suited to be a minimalist and Montessori mom. Do of researching into this to learn how.

DH needs to clean 30min each night. You need to limit yourself to 1.5 hours and stop.

Research how to do more things more efficiently like simpler lunch and dinner ideas.

Get therapy now to learn how to tolerate the anxiety that comes with making these changes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do laundry once/week and always have (my kids are now 12 and 15). I've never understood the need to do laundry daily.

Agree. Also, by the time they were four they could bring their laundry basket to laundry area and could fold and put folded clothes in correct drawers.

That's great for you but OP's kids are 1 and 3

Prozac.

Minimize toys. They don't need to play with legos and trains every day. We have all our train stuff put away in a couple bins. We take them out and build a track on the playroom floor and it sits there for 2 days. Then we put it back and play with something else. Same with LEGO/duplo and magnatiles. Not everything everyday.
Cleanup is part of playing. Always a game: who can put more toys in the box. Run, skip, jump, slither to get the toys into the bin. Getting everything in before the cleanup song is done. That sort of thing. And yes there are tantrums but I hold firm. My threat was always, if you're not interested in cleaning these up then I will throw them out. Starting at around 2. I've thrown out one thing once (after a big show of defiance) to show I meant it.
1 and 3 I think are the toughest age combo too. So cut yourself some slack.