Anonymous
Post 04/26/2020 10:04     Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get how lawyers can get away with working 100 hours a week when there is no court in session.

I wonder if your dh is avoiding childcare by making it seem like he has 100 hours a week of work. If he were in the office he would have commuting time and chatting at the water cooler time. There are less people committing crimes right now, no court in session. What the heck is he doing?

He needs to help you. Even if he comes down for 30 minutes at lunch time to take over the kids so you can take a walk. If he can’t do that then there’s something wrong.


Op here - he is not doing criminal law. He does government litigation therefore is extremely busy. Protests on top of protests for government contracts. I don’t doubt he is actually busy. He is constantly writing and on calls and doing briefs and depositions. It is exhausting for him. I get it. But what I am doing is equally exhausting. It’s not the pain Olympics. It sucks for everybody. I just don’t get any sleep since I am breastfeeding a baby along with it.


OP, the courts are closed. I get not wanting to backlog everything, but what's the rush in doing a virtual deposition when there won't be a trial any time soon? If you're doing depositions it seems like you'd be more likely to have to try the issue rather than have a judge rule on the papers.


Op here - I have no idea. He had a deposition last week and the judge ruled from the bench. That is all I know. He spent 14 hours getting ready for it.


I still don’t get why he can’t take a 30 minute break during the day to give you rest. Save your sanity. You will both break if this keeps up. He needs to put SOME work aside to help you. Yes sitting and working long days is hard, but right now your job is a lot harder.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2020 10:02     Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why do many kids that you can’t handle? This is not healthy.


Op here - yes I realize that. I am trying to handle all of them by myself (terribly I might add) but my postpartum depression is making it worse fueled by the quarantine and global pandemic.


Dear OP-dont' respond to ignorant comments like this trollbot one! Sending hugs

Listen-you are doing the best you can under very stressful circumstances. TODAY-no laundry, no cooking, no nothing, you and kids just relax and watch and eat whatever you guys want. Keep your feet up, baby nearby, and rest. It's ok if the kids are in pj's today.

Tomorrow-hit a few benchmarks. 3 basic mealtimes. outdoors play if possible.

Add in a basic schedule as you can. More like a rough outline of each day.

I had 3 kids 5 and under once-and I wasn't dealing with a pandemic! It can be so hard. I remember vividly the day I gated the olders in the living room with a box of cheerios in front of Blues Clues LOL (only for an hour, not all day haha). They survived and are educated adults now! But a basic schedule was a lifesaver. And afternoon 'quiet resty' time as we called it. And going outside when possible. As the baby got older, we started having more structure. But your baby is little and needs you more, that's ok.

this will pass OP, I promise. Your kids will grow up just fine. This is a blip in time in their childhood.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2020 10:02     Subject: Re:I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:Op here. My other kids are 3 and 5. They are being awful. My husband works 12-15 hours a day 7 days a week.

I have gotten 4 hours of broken sleep today. Today is going to be horrible.



Sending mom hugs! I’ve been there with a newborn, 5, and 3 year old a few years ago non quarantine. You are seriously in hell with this, especially with husband working a lot. It’s okay to be overwhelmed, I’d be surprised if you weren’t! Sending love and prayers.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2020 10:01     Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why do many kids that you can’t handle? This is not healthy.


Op here - yes I realize that. I am trying to handle all of them by myself (terribly I might add) but my postpartum depression is making it worse fueled by the quarantine and global pandemic.


Oh that's so very hard. It was always going to be a hard time with a newborn and that spacing with the oldest kids. You need help. Yes it's more risk but you guys are drowning and your mental health is important. Start looking for a live out nanny. Even let time. Plenty of daycare teachers currently laid off. Verify that they live alone or with only a small family and are also being responsible and have them come in at least half a day every day so you can focus on your baby and sleep while the older ones are outside or engaged.
Today just let it be tv and snacks. Lay out a tray of goldfish and apple slices and blueberries (whatvwr the 3 year old won't choke on) and veg by the tv. Vary the tv with cartoons and some sort of nature program from Netflix as those are a little calmer. Order dinner out. Have a pretend tea party (use little tea set and water). Put the older ones in the tub with some toys and bubbles and sit on the side of the tub.
They're acting out because of the baby and with the quarantine on top it's hard for them too.
Hugs.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2020 10:00     Subject: Re:I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:Op here. My other kids are 3 and 5. They are being awful. My husband works 12-15 hours a day 7 days a week.

I have gotten 4 hours of broken sleep today. Today is going to be horrible.


This sounds INCREDIBLY difficult.

The good news is that you have an employed husband and are not trying to work right now.

The bad news is that 3 and 5 year olds love to not listen, aren't very good at helping with anything, and push boundaries at every opportunity. And newborns are needy. So, give yourself a break. At least for a day or two let it all go. Then maybe consider some of the schedule ideas suggested here.

Does your DH have to work 24/7 or is he choosing to check out via work?
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2020 09:55     Subject: Re:I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:OP, do the following immediately and DO NOT WAVER (I promise it will make things easier):

1) write out an hourly schedule and post it to the wall in BIG print, as you go through the day check off each hour that passes in red...your kids will start living by and for the schedule and those check marks and the day will feel more manageable to you.
2) list of DAILY chores for each kid (keep them simple but non-negotiable)
3) consequences for not doing chores or any misbehavior on the FIRST offense (no warnings): privilege taken away (screens, etc.) followed by early bedtime
4) get them outside as much as possible and keep them there to cut down on clothing changes. If they are still going through tons of outfits, show them how to hand wash in a basin outside with soap and water...will keep them busy and counts as a “chore.”
5) make bath time your rest time: start bath 30 min earlier and bring a pillow into the bathroom and lie down while they play as long as they want.
6) bribe them with a weekly prize for doing their chores and getting along and for being mommy’s helpers. PRAISE will get you a lot more peace than telling them how tired you are.

Remember our kids didn’t ask for this and they are also struggling, just not like we are (I am sad for my kids but I have to keep my s*it together or they will have nothing to rely on for consistency).

Good luck OP and know you’re not alone. 🤗


3 and 5 years olds can’t read. This is way more work for OP than just having her kids watch TV.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2020 09:54     Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get how lawyers can get away with working 100 hours a week when there is no court in session.

I wonder if your dh is avoiding childcare by making it seem like he has 100 hours a week of work. If he were in the office he would have commuting time and chatting at the water cooler time. There are less people committing crimes right now, no court in session. What the heck is he doing?

He needs to help you. Even if he comes down for 30 minutes at lunch time to take over the kids so you can take a walk. If he can’t do that then there’s something wrong.


Op here - he is not doing criminal law. He does government litigation therefore is extremely busy. Protests on top of protests for government contracts. I don’t doubt he is actually busy. He is constantly writing and on calls and doing briefs and depositions. It is exhausting for him. I get it. But what I am doing is equally exhausting. It’s not the pain Olympics. It sucks for everybody. I just don’t get any sleep since I am breastfeeding a baby along with it.


OP, the courts are closed. I get not wanting to backlog everything, but what's the rush in doing a virtual deposition when there won't be a trial any time soon? If you're doing depositions it seems like you'd be more likely to have to try the issue rather than have a judge rule on the papers.


Op here - I have no idea. He had a deposition last week and the judge ruled from the bench. That is all I know. He spent 14 hours getting ready for it.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2020 09:53     Subject: Re:I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:Don’t have any more babies. Every additional kid is making it harder for you. Make sure your birth control is effective. Go outside. Leave the baby with him sometimes. He can watch a baby sleep just as much as you can. Your baby doesn’t need to be fed in the middle of the night at his/her age. Stop those feedings now.


Op here - the baby is not even 10 weeks old. I think babies tend to wake up and feed at that age.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2020 09:53     Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get how lawyers can get away with working 100 hours a week when there is no court in session.

I wonder if your dh is avoiding childcare by making it seem like he has 100 hours a week of work. If he were in the office he would have commuting time and chatting at the water cooler time. There are less people committing crimes right now, no court in session. What the heck is he doing?

He needs to help you. Even if he comes down for 30 minutes at lunch time to take over the kids so you can take a walk. If he can’t do that then there’s something wrong.


Op here - he is not doing criminal law. He does government litigation therefore is extremely busy. Protests on top of protests for government contracts. I don’t doubt he is actually busy. He is constantly writing and on calls and doing briefs and depositions. It is exhausting for him. I get it. But what I am doing is equally exhausting. It’s not the pain Olympics. It sucks for everybody. I just don’t get any sleep since I am breastfeeding a baby along with it.


OP, the courts are closed. I get not wanting to backlog everything, but what's the rush in doing a virtual deposition when there won't be a trial any time soon? If you're doing depositions it seems like you'd be more likely to have to try the issue rather than have a judge rule on the papers.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2020 09:52     Subject: Re:I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Don’t have any more babies. Every additional kid is making it harder for you. Make sure your birth control is effective. Go outside. Leave the baby with him sometimes. He can watch a baby sleep just as much as you can. Your baby doesn’t need to be fed in the middle of the night at his/her age. Stop those feedings now.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2020 09:51     Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
survival mode, do what you have to do to keep sane OP. The baby will start to sleep better eventually and then you can give the older kids more time. Try storylineonline.net

It is celebrities and actors reading good picture books for kids.

This will pass and your kids will still get into college one day even if you feed them goldfish and stream sesame street continuously for the next 2 months. Big hugs.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2020 09:51     Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:Why do many kids that you can’t handle? This is not healthy.


Op here - yes I realize that. I am trying to handle all of them by myself (terribly I might add) but my postpartum depression is making it worse fueled by the quarantine and global pandemic.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2020 09:51     Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
^^do many
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2020 09:50     Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Why do many kids that you can’t handle? This is not healthy.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2020 09:49     Subject: Re:I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So sorry OP. No judgment here. Do what you need to to get through the day.

And have a discussion with your DH. He needs to find a way to help, even if that means he wakes up super early to work or works long after the kids are in bed. Being a lawyer and having a big case load is no excuse. He needs to mange his time better so that he can help with the kids and give you a break.

-a lawyer with a huge case load with two small kids


Op here - I think the last two weeks were just especially difficult. He was already waking up early (4:30-5am) and going to bed late (10-11pm). He had an oral argument, a deposition, a webinar and his regular work all in the span of like 10 days. I am hoping it slows down sometime soon but it seems that he is taking on more and more but others in his group aren’t/can’t. Probably because I do everything.


Then he needs to stop being the hero at your expense. My husband and I are both trying to be realistic about juggling our work and telling people no when we need to. We haven't had our nanny in two weeks and we have two kids at home. It's not easy but sometimes you just have to say you can't do something. These are extraordinary circumstances. He needs to be prioritizing you and not his work.