Anonymous wrote:OP, you should meet my mom. She constantly complains about having to do weekly zoom calls with her siblings, one of whom has cancer. I don't get it. Just do the call for 20-30 minutes and say you have to go.

Here's what you might "not get"; the fact that 20-30 minutes might not be "enough." You can still be labeled as the bad guy even if you participate to the point that you are able to or feel comfortable. And it can still be not enough for some people. They expect you to participate according to THEIR concept of what is "right," and anything less is "wrong."

Ask me how I know.

And you know what? If your mom generally stays connected with her sibling who has cancer, and asks how they are, then the cancer status does not apply to the demand for weekly Zoom calls.

Not. Everybody. Likes. Zoom. Calls. I check in, one on one, with my best friends. But I rarely participate in the group Zooms, because I don't like the dynamic. Doesn't make me uncaring, or a bad friend, or whatever. I just don't like Zoom. Can you get that?

-NP

OP, you should meet my mom. She constantly complains about having to do weekly zoom calls with her siblings, one of whom has cancer. I don't get it. Just do the call for 20-30 minutes and say you have to go.

My husbands family does a Zoom call every other night now to play a game, like Farkie or Taboo or Trivia. It last at least an hour. Sometimes there is talking about the day, sometimes strictly game play.

I do it about 50% of the time. No questions asked.

Unplug the router after 5 minutes. Issue solved!

Our IL calls are annoying too. Everyone only discusses their recipes—even though that’s exactly what is discussed in the WhatsApp chain all week long. No one is allowed to talk about covid because they are trying to stay positive. Both my husband a d I are ER docs do we don’t have the luxury visit f tuning it out. I stay for five minutes and disappear

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your spouse and kids participate and you can drift off and do something else as you had other plans.

Don't be a wet blanket.

Or a petty POS. Grow up, op. “These people” are your kids family. Set an example as an adult.

So what? “These people” sound very self absorbed. Not everyone wants to hear about every little thing your kid does. Also, they don’t ever inquire about op’s life. How self absorbed and rude. I would avoid the call with them also op. Yuck!

Np. Maybe those parents were raised not to ask personal questions so as to not cross boundaries? I hardly ask questions because if i was supposed to know they would tell me.

+2
DP, I’m the same. I had no idea not asking personal questions could be considered rude to some. I will ask how my ILs and my extended family are doing, but I would wait for them to bring up anything specific if they want to do that. I never try to ask anything too personal especially with my ILs, I would find that to be rude.

No, pp was implying that some families only talk about their own family members from their family of origin and do not ask one thing about dil or sil families. When dil or sil make comments about their own family of origin, there is no response. Just deer in headlights look. I can’t stand self absorbed families like these. They can’t see further than their own family of origin and are not interested in anyone else. So gross, self absorbed and boring.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my IL's, I'd appear for the start of the call if I was free, and then I'd just get up and start doing other stuff. I don't understand why you think you have to be there the whole time?

This is what I do. I say hi, chat a bit, and then kind of wander off and start cooking dinner or some other household task, and then just vanish.

+100

Anonymous wrote:If this were my IL's, I'd appear for the start of the call if I was free, and then I'd just get up and start doing other stuff. I don't understand why you think you have to be there the whole time?

This is what I do. I say hi, chat a bit, and then kind of wander off and start cooking dinner or some other household task, and then just vanish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your spouse and kids participate and you can drift off and do something else as you had other plans.

Don't be a wet blanket.

Or a petty POS. Grow up, op. “These people” are your kids family. Set an example as an adult.

So what? “These people” sound very self absorbed. Not everyone wants to hear about every little thing your kid does. Also, they don’t ever inquire about op’s life. How self absorbed and rude. I would avoid the call with them also op. Yuck!

Np. Maybe those parents were raised not to ask personal questions so as to not cross boundaries? I hardly ask questions because if i was supposed to know they would tell me.

+2
DP, I’m the same. I had no idea not asking personal questions could be considered rude to some. I will ask how my ILs and my extended family are doing, but I would wait for them to bring up anything specific if they want to do that. I never try to ask anything too personal especially with my ILs, I would find that to be rude.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your spouse and kids participate and you can drift off and do something else as you had other plans.

Don't be a wet blanket.

Or a petty POS. Grow up, op. “These people” are your kids family. Set an example as an adult.

So what? “These people” sound very self absorbed. Not everyone wants to hear about every little thing your kid does. Also, they don’t ever inquire about op’s life. How self absorbed and rude. I would avoid the call with them also op. Yuck!

Np. Maybe those parents were raised not to ask personal questions so as to not cross boundaries? I hardly ask questions because if i was supposed to know they would tell me.

Anonymous wrote:Just pop in to say hello and then say you have to run?

The problem is that people like OP is dealing with do not accept that housework (or whatever) is more important than they are.

Just pop in to say hello and then say you have to run?

Op - don't make it ALL or NOTHING. That just makes you seem like a pouty brat. You can manage 10 - 15 minutes.