Anonymous wrote:We live an UMC lifestyle. Our income may put us in UC. HHI of $2-3m. DH and I both grew up poor.

We live in a nice house in a top school district. Kids attend public school. We travel often and well. I’m a SAHM. Kids do a mix of academic extracurricular activities and sports.

We are not country club people. We are big savers. Most of our close friends are from before we earned a seven figure income. I get along better with normal middle class people and prefer them.

If you make 2-3 million a year, you’re UC. Come on. Don’t be purposely disingenuous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:- physically going to church every Sunday
- toys/electronics whenever you want them
- books and maybe clothes for Christmas and birthdays; no toys after about the age of five
- college is expected
- parents monitor grades and homework regularly/daily
- summer jobs required, but it doesn’t matter how much money you actually make

It’s usually the lower or middle class who attend church. And kids don’t often have summer jobs. They go to camps or pursue other activities over the summer to better themselves at a hobby or sport.

Religion
Lower class: has a picture of the sacred heart thumbtacked to the wall, talks about Jesus
Middle class: sometimes goes to church, identifies with a certain religion
UMC: In the pews every Sunday
UC: spiritual, but not religious (this is sometimes true of middle class as well...but no one in UMC says this)

Summer jobs
Lower class: also has school year job. Needed to make ends meet. Often requires physical labor
Middle class: needs the job to buy xyz to fit in
UMC: hovering parents say having a job “builds character” but can’t interfere with schoolwork. Money might be used to pay for half of your car or saved for spending money in college. Usually something like lifeguard or camp counselor.
UC: no summer job

Anonymous wrote:Sleep-away camp every summer, for at least a couple of weeks
Expensive hobbies/sports - skiing, horseback lessons, sailing
Car at 16 (my parents made me pay half with summer job money)
House cleaner - ours was twice a month
Parents hosted dinner parties, book clubs, wine tastings at our house
Charity events - dinners, auctions, volunteer at the soup kitchen

A big one: never talk about money. Don't say how much something cost, whether you got it on sale, or most of the time even WHERE you got it (cause commenting that a shirt was from Nordstrom was seen as flaunting). This was hammered into me from the time I knew how to talk.

That's almost correct. Never talk about long money: trusts, investments, etc. But UMC people love a good deal. Example getting a complement on your Missoni scarf, and saying thanks it's from their target collaboration

Sleep away summer camp
Music lessons
Annual vacation using air travel
Ski trips
Having passport as a child
Regular contributions to 529 / not taking loans for college
Household outsourcing something: cleaning service, lawn service, snow removal
Hiring college coach to help with admissions
Sharing a third car with siblings when driving age

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleep-away camp every summer, for at least a couple of weeks
Expensive hobbies/sports - skiing, horseback lessons, sailing
Car at 16 (my parents made me pay half with summer job money)
House cleaner - ours was twice a month
Parents hosted dinner parties, book clubs, wine tastings at our house
Charity events - dinners, auctions, volunteer at the soup kitchen

A big one: never talk about money. Don't say how much something cost, whether you got it on sale, or most of the time even WHERE you got it (cause commenting that a shirt was from Nordstrom was seen as flaunting). This was hammered into me from the time I knew how to talk.

I grew up MC in the Midwest and am UMC now but this is something I still have to work on. Person: “I love your scarf!” Me: “oh, thanks! It was actually a $5 Old Navy find!!” is an example of the things I grew up saying but now have to stop myself from, haha.

It’s fine. You can mention your scarf’s origins. Now if it was a fortune, you shouldn’t.

Stability, stability, stability.

I’m a WOC who grew up working class (but remember spending early days with my grandmother, no electricity or bathroom) and my mouth is agog at this and I’m trying to wrap my head around why.

I think it’s that despite having a HHI of $250k in DC it’s very hard to *feel* that I’m that far removed from those days of having to choose between medication and food, being hounded my collectors, etc.

I aggressively save, and we probably could afford to go on more trips than we do currently. I do want to pay for camps and lessons when the kids are older.

But there are things on this list that I don’t think I could ever bring myself to pay for (like swim membership), not because I’m judging anyone who does, but just because in my head we’re not soooo far away from the security I would need to feel we had to afford those kinds of things.

Anonymous wrote:Sleep-away camp every summer, for at least a couple of weeks
Expensive hobbies/sports - skiing, horseback lessons, sailing
Car at 16 (my parents made me pay half with summer job money)
House cleaner - ours was twice a month
Parents hosted dinner parties, book clubs, wine tastings at our house
Charity events - dinners, auctions, volunteer at the soup kitchen

A big one: never talk about money. Don't say how much something cost, whether you got it on sale, or most of the time even WHERE you got it (cause commenting that a shirt was from Nordstrom was seen as flaunting). This was hammered into me from the time I knew how to talk.

I grew up MC in the Midwest and am UMC now but this is something I still have to work on. Person: “I love your scarf!” Me: “oh, thanks! It was actually a $5 Old Navy find!!” is an example of the things I grew up saying but now have to stop myself from, haha.

Sleep-away camp every summer, for at least a couple of weeks
Expensive hobbies/sports - skiing, horseback lessons, sailing
Car at 16 (my parents made me pay half with summer job money)
House cleaner - ours was twice a month
Parents hosted dinner parties, book clubs, wine tastings at our house
Charity events - dinners, auctions, volunteer at the soup kitchen

A big one: never talk about money. Don't say how much something cost, whether you got it on sale, or most of the time even WHERE you got it (cause commenting that a shirt was from Nordstrom was seen as flaunting). This was hammered into me from the time I knew how to talk.

Anonymous wrote:I’ll add that there are some non-material/non-purchasable things that go into it to:
Parents talk to their kids a LOT. About current events, about school, etc.
Parents are authoritative: they have clear expectations for their children and there is a clear hierarchy in the home, but they don’t have the “rule with an iron fist/RESPECT ME OR ELSE” style as is more common in LMC/working class homes. When the children fail to meet the expectations, discipline is age-appropriate and designed to teach, not to control or done in a fit of anger.
Parents encourage their kids to question things and be confident in who they are

That's because the consequences for bad behavior are less severe for wealthy kids.

I’ll add that there are some non-material/non-purchasable things that go into it to:
Parents talk to their kids a LOT. About current events, about school, etc.
Parents are authoritative: they have clear expectations for their children and there is a clear hierarchy in the home, but they don’t have the “rule with an iron fist/RESPECT ME OR ELSE” style as is more common in LMC/working class homes. When the children fail to meet the expectations, discipline is age-appropriate and designed to teach, not to control or done in a fit of anger.
Parents encourage their kids to question things and be confident in who they are

Pp here. I grew up poor but lived in an UMC neighborhood. The UMC kids would be driven to school in a nice Mercedes. They traveled to great places on every break. They went to expensive camps like horseback riding or overnight camps that sounded like fun. Many had beach houses or grandparents with vacation homes. Heck. I thought the people with RVs were even cool back then. Some had boats in their driveways. I remember I had a friend whose dad had a Porsche in his garage and thought they were so rich. DH has a 911 in the garage that sits there and I don’t think anything of it. Our kids get driven around in a Range Rover.

Man, I miss travel.

We live an UMC lifestyle. Our income may put us in UC. HHI of $2-3m. DH and I both grew up poor.

We live in a nice house in a top school district. Kids attend public school. We travel often and well. I’m a SAHM. Kids do a mix of academic extracurricular activities and sports.

We are not country club people. We are big savers. Most of our close friends are from before we earned a seven figure income. I get along better with normal middle class people and prefer them.

Anonymous wrote:^^ Meant to write, cut out the private school and vacation homes

Agree these two things are among those separating UMC and UC (with the exception of grandparent owned houses on the Outer Banks and grandparent paid tuition etc)