You accept and say thank you. Frankly, you should like a bigger a$Shole than your MIL.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those who have said to respond with something short and to the point. I disagree with throwing the present in the trash IF it's something that you could donate. I watched a co-worker describe how she'd taken some Christmas gifts to the dump. I was floored. She said she thought it was clothing. Why not donate?

+1 with all points.

If she hates you that much that she would send you a pox/covid infected blanket, I say this is a trap! Throw away in the garbage without opening.

Dh handles

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really horrible.

+1

Women are always hysterical and wrong, right? Op didn't catalogue the reasons so you think she is horrible. Op, I feel your pain. I would just ignore the gift and give no response. No response. Don't stir up anything just nothing her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re supposed to be better than MIL, right? Neither option is a good look for you at all, you just validate her (mis)perceptions.

If you cannot take the high road here the issue is not all Ml’s.

You haven't dealt with a narcissist.

Yes, I have....

There is no high road. You have to take no road.

Exactly. You can take the high road for 20 years and still end up crushed and broken and slimed before giving up altogether. What a waste of all those years of trying.

Oh, this is so me with both my DH and his mother. She has NPD and so he has many characteristics. He hates dealing with her, but can't walk away. And so many of her personality traits have come out in home over the last 10 years that my life has been hell. I have taken the high road again and again. Even up to the other day, after MIL called twice just to "check in" because she's so lonely on lock down. I felt if I didn't call her back, I would look like the bad guy. So I finally gave in. I just don't know how to handle. If you knew the horrible things she's done, you would tell me to never let her in my life, but ignoring her causes extreme tension in my marriage, which I feel is bad for my kids. I just don't know the best way to deal with it.

I agree with those who have said to respond with something short and to the point. I disagree with throwing the present in the trash IF it's something that you could donate. I watched a co-worker describe how she'd taken some Christmas gifts to the dump. I was floored. She said she thought it was clothing. Why not donate?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:C) None of the above. You be the kinder person and say thank you for thinking of you on your birthday and if you really don’t want it around, you donate it when goodwill is open again.

Being kinder than someone deserves is never the wrong choice.

OP here. Normally I would always do this but my MIL will weaponize it all somehow. I wish this weren't the case but it is.

OP, I don't think the person above understands people with serious issues. It sounds like based on your description (weaponizing) she's got a personality disorder or something similar. If this is the case, don't acknowledge the gift. Don't give her power. Stick in in your basement then donate next chance you get.

DP. Yes but MIL will be able to weaponize a non response a lot more than a simple thank you. MIL sent the text to DH for a reason, I bet she thinks there won't be a response from OP.

Lets face it by not responding you are playing MIL's game, you actually give her the power. By responding in a way that the majority of society would deem the correct response which is a simply "The gift arrived, thank you", then you are giving power to yourself by shutting down the game, especially when it's done by text and can be shown later if need be.

You have to just walk away. She won't stop -- she will continue trying to destroy and continue winning people over to her side. There's nothing to be done about that. You just have to give up. The only thing you can control is yourself. That doesn't mean walking out into the sunshine with birds singing -- it means you'll still be harmed by the other person, because that won't stop, but at least you won't be participating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re supposed to be better than MIL, right? Neither option is a good look for you at all, you just validate her (mis)perceptions.

If you cannot take the high road here the issue is not all Ml’s.

You haven't dealt with a narcissist.

Yes, I have....

There is no high road. You have to take no road.

Exactly. You can take the high road for 20 years and still end up crushed and broken and slimed before giving up altogether. What a waste of all those years of trying.

+ a million, it took me twenty years to figure this all out with my alcoholic, critical and manipulative MIL. She is the product of her upbringing. Spoiled and thoughtless with no one saying the word "no" to her, ever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:C) None of the above. You be the kinder person and say thank you for thinking of you on your birthday and if you really don’t want it around, you donate it when goodwill is open again.

Being kinder than someone deserves is never the wrong choice.

OP here. Normally I would always do this but my MIL will weaponize it all somehow. I wish this weren't the case but it is.

OP, I don't think the person above understands people with serious issues. It sounds like based on your description (weaponizing) she's got a personality disorder or something similar. If this is the case, don't acknowledge the gift. Don't give her power. Stick in in your basement then donate next chance you get.

DP. Yes but MIL will be able to weaponize a non response a lot more than a simple thank you. MIL sent the text to DH for a reason, I bet she thinks there won't be a response from OP.

Lets face it by not responding you are playing MIL's game, you actually give her the power. By responding in a way that the majority of society would deem the correct response which is a simply "The gift arrived, thank you", then you are giving power to yourself by shutting down the game, especially when it's done by text and can be shown later if need be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot written about narcissistic gift giving. Narcissists love to use gifts for manipulation. I would do nothing. Let your husband text that it was received.

Also, keep in mind there are a lot of bored and hostile people on here who identify with your MIL. That is fine, but you can tell the mentally stable ones because they speak calmly and give you another perspective. The ones calling you a horrible person probably have many of their own dramas and problems getting along and you hit a nerve with them so they are lashing out at you.

If you are so angry you can’t text a thank you and cc your husband then guess what, you ARE being manipulated by the MIL! You are being forced into a position you wouldn’t normally take. Don’t give her that power. Text her a cold thank you and move on.

DP. I agree with you but sometimes it takes time to get to the stage of being able to move on. After someone has hurt you that much it does take a while for the anger to subside. OP will get there she just needs to protect herself in the mean time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, if she sent it to DH too so he would follow up, it kind of makes it sound like OP is the problem

Ha ha. No it's a manipulation tactic. They can shift the blame then by saying look how hard I try and this person is so difficult. There is never any introspection to wonder why someone would not want anything to do with them.

Like the time MIL came over with a birthday present for me (first one ever after being married for 5 years) and gave it to me two weeks late and actually said to me, "Oh I had to bring it over son hasn't talked to me in 2 weeks". Yes she made sure I understood it really wasn't for me.

Toxic people are nasty and there is always an ulterior motive. I almost handed the present to DH saying to him "oh this is actually for you" but I just said thank you and walked away as she hugged DH and made sure he was no longer upset over who knows what. She didn't even say bye to me, she had gotten what she wanted, DH was no longer upset with her and she was happy. These types are truly pathetic.

I dare say if Dh is now talking to her she feels like she has to look like she is trying on some level. She is probably hoping for no reply or something nasty so she can point to OP and say "see I'm not the problem".

This is exactly what's happening. OP here.

And for everyone else I'll say it again, fine I will text her a cold thank you. I think it's ridiculous to copy my husband so I won't be doing that. If she asks more questions I'll blame quarantined packages and covid then block her again.

Yeah it's hard to show courtesy to someone who has shown you none. It's better for you though in the long run to just reply as someone else said a cold thank you. I would casually mention you will text thank you to your DH when you receive the present and leave it at that. Say it casually with no snark at all if you know what I mean. You know these MIL's lie, that way she can't say she didn't hear from you. Keep the text saved somewhere so if DH asks about it later you can show him. This is to protect yourself against her lies. I learned the hard way with my MIL and did have to go to these lengths unfortunately.

After that don't respond to her again, it's only drawing you into conversation with her and at some point she will use that to get a dig in. Block and ignore her. Don't answer any questions she may ask, you only need to say thank you. You don't have to converse with her, your DH already knows you don't want contact with her. If she has any other questions she can then refer to DH as she also sent the text to him. Your ONLY obligation here is to say thank you. Leave all the rest to DH.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re supposed to be better than MIL, right? Neither option is a good look for you at all, you just validate her (mis)perceptions.

If you cannot take the high road here the issue is not all Ml’s.

You haven't dealt with a narcissist.

Yes, I have....

There is no high road. You have to take no road.

“Oh, thank you if thinking of me, MIL.” Text
To her and then promptly throw the present in the trash.