Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We scheduled sex for years. It worked for a while until it didn't. My wife was the one with low libido and we agreed on a schedule so it happened and we could get out of the initiation and rejection cycle.

Problem became that she really made it clear that it was always for me, she didn't want to have an O, didn't want to do anything other than check the box and get back to what she wanted to do.

Look, I know it can be a compromise that I am supposed to be grateful for. Had she really set aside 30 minutes a week to be fully present and intimate it could have worked. She didn't, it didn't and I am going to announce the separation after COVID-19 passes.

Key is will your wife be surprised if you ask for divorce? If so, there’s a communication issue and you haveydome all you can.

Anonymous wrote:We scheduled sex for years. It worked for a while until it didn't. My wife was the one with low libido and we agreed on a schedule so it happened and we could get out of the initiation and rejection cycle.

Problem became that she really made it clear that it was always for me, she didn't want to have an O, didn't want to do anything other than check the box and get back to what she wanted to do.

Look, I know it can be a compromise that I am supposed to be grateful for. Had she really set aside 30 minutes a week to be fully present and intimate it could have worked. She didn't, it didn't and I am going to announce the separation after COVID-19 passes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have plans for tonight so yes, it’s on my schedule. That assumes my children don’t mess things up!

Does your spouse know?

Oh yes, he promised to shave given he’s been on a 2 day schedule given working from home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have plans for tonight so yes, it’s on my schedule. That assumes my children don’t mess things up!

Does your spouse know?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you schedule it, but then aren’t feeling it? You do it anyways? Seems like a gray area of forcing your spouse, or disappointment when it doesn’t come to fruition.

For a spouse that doesn’t want to have sex, a schedule won’t change the lack of desire.

+1

As the lower desire spouse (female), what I think works is letting that person dictate when it happens. I make sure it happens at least once a week but I don’t always have to do it on Wednesday night. Or any night. Could be morning or even afternoon depending on circumstances. Whenever I feel slightly in the mood.

Just out of curiosity, once you fulfill your 1, are you ever up for another one in a given week or do you shut It down for the rest of the week?

New poster here, we had a schedule of once a week with an understanding that it was shut down the rest of the week. The schedule lasted a couple years but DH would get upset I wasn't into it even on our scheduled time. I can't help that I have zero desire. Like others said, a schedule can make sure it happens but it can't make you want it.

I'm not sure most of us who are scheduling it are in the same shoes - it's not that I have zero desire, it's that I'm freaking TIRED (little kids). I am always into it once we start and glad we did it afterwards!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you schedule it, but then aren’t feeling it? You do it anyways? Seems like a gray area of forcing your spouse, or disappointment when it doesn’t come to fruition.

For a spouse that doesn’t want to have sex, a schedule won’t change the lack of desire.

+1

As the lower desire spouse (female), what I think works is letting that person dictate when it happens. I make sure it happens at least once a week but I don’t always have to do it on Wednesday night. Or any night. Could be morning or even afternoon depending on circumstances. Whenever I feel slightly in the mood.

Just out of curiosity, once you fulfill your 1, are you ever up for another one in a given week or do you shut It down for the rest of the week?

New poster here, we had a schedule of once a week with an understanding that it was shut down the rest of the week. The schedule lasted a couple years but DH would get upset I wasn't into it even on our scheduled time. I can't help that I have zero desire. Like others said, a schedule can make sure it happens but it can't make you want it.

Anonymous wrote:I have plans for tonight so yes, it’s on my schedule. That assumes my children don’t mess things up!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you schedule it, but then aren’t feeling it? You do it anyways? Seems like a gray area of forcing your spouse, or disappointment when it doesn’t come to fruition.

For a spouse that doesn’t want to have sex, a schedule won’t change the lack of desire.

+1

As the lower desire spouse (female), what I think works is letting that person dictate when it happens. I make sure it happens at least once a week but I don’t always have to do it on Wednesday night. Or any night. Could be morning or even afternoon depending on circumstances. Whenever I feel slightly in the mood.

Just out of curiosity, once you fulfill your 1, are you ever up for another one in a given week or do you shut It down for the rest of the week?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you schedule it, but then aren’t feeling it? You do it anyways? Seems like a gray area of forcing your spouse, or disappointment when it doesn’t come to fruition.

For a spouse that doesn’t want to have sex, a schedule won’t change the lack of desire.

+1

As the lower desire spouse (female), what I think works is letting that person dictate when it happens. I make sure it happens at least once a week but I don’t always have to do it on Wednesday night. Or any night. Could be morning or even afternoon depending on circumstances. Whenever I feel slightly in the mood.

Just out of curiosity, once you fulfill your 1, are you ever up for another one in a given week or do you shut It down for the rest of the week?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you schedule it, but then aren’t feeling it? You do it anyways? Seems like a gray area of forcing your spouse, or disappointment when it doesn’t come to fruition.

For a spouse that doesn’t want to have sex, a schedule won’t change the lack of desire.

+1

As the lower desire spouse (female), what I think works is letting that person dictate when it happens. I make sure it happens at least once a week but I don’t always have to do it on Wednesday night. Or any night. Could be morning or even afternoon depending on circumstances. Whenever I feel slightly in the mood.

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you schedule it, but then aren’t feeling it? You do it anyways? Seems like a gray area of forcing your spouse, or disappointment when it doesn’t come to fruition.

For a spouse that doesn’t want to have sex, a schedule won’t change the lack of desire.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen both sides of this

We scheduled it for a few years. Seemed like a good compromise, she knew when it was coming and could pick a good time. I knew it as well as could look forward to it and not initiate and get rejected in between. Problem was we started getting to the once a week and she wasn't into it. At all. So we skipped weeks then months and now we are sexless. And separating.

So I say this:. If you are both enthusiastic and schedule to make sure it happens, then it's great to schedule. If you are doing it to check a box, or to placate your higher drive spouse, you are heading towards inevitable cheating or divorce

You simply did it wrong! If you don’t actually stick to the schedule, then it’s not really “scheduled sex” at all.

Also: of course the main purpose is to placate the higher drive spouse. That’s a feature, not a bug. You have it totally backwards: if you DON’T schedule sex, you are heading towards inevitable cheating or divorce.