Anonymous
Post 03/31/2020 14:27     Subject: Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?
I appreciate the thoughts but I have no assets to speak of. House is for sale and I might lose it to foreclosure. Small 401k. A few thousand dollars worth of personal possessions.

I'm absolutely doomed and my anxiety is unbearable today.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2020 13:39     Subject: Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?
^Edit: You need to schedule a consult with a bankruptcy lawyer ASAP so you can begin making plans to structure your assets in the most favorable way.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2020 13:38     Subject: Re:Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So you make 200K, are about 700K in debt if you get rid of house? And you are still in your 40s. It's very doable. You need to contact your debtors and make payment plans.

You need to stop supporting any child above 18. You cannot afford to do that. the 18+ year olds need to pay their own rent and food. Get rid of house, rent a 1 bedroom apartment.


And you need to divorce your wife if she is not onboard. The time is now. or after thee coronovirus shut down. Get all plan figure out to a T. You can do it.


Agree with a lot of this. If you're supporting college age children I assume that means you are paying tuition/room and board? You can't afford to pay that and when you stop that should free up at least $20K per year per kid to throw at your debt. Tell the children now so they can make any necessary arrangements. I would probably let them stay in the house if they wanted to because the cost of food and extra utilities is relatively nominal.

You live in a rural area so it's not clear whether the house is expensive or not. Moving costs money too so if you're talking about moving from a $200K house to a $150K house then it's not really worth it.

Can your wife file for bankruptcy for her debts or are they all joint?

I would get rid of all the credit cards and give your DW cash for groceries if she does the shopping. Sit down tonight and come up with a list of all of your expenses. If she won't cooperate pull all of your credit card statements and see where the money is going and begin making drastic cuts. You make a lot of money so it may take a few years but you can get this under control.


Kids have loans an scholarships/grants, I don't pay much.

DW could file but her debt is a drop in the bucket compared to what is in my name.

Credit cards are moot - they're all basically maxed out so we live directly on my paycheck/debit.

I have the financial acumen of a 10 year old.


Based upon your statements that you will not be able to hold your $200K job much longer I would take all possible available spare money (including what you give to the adult children) and put it in assets that are protected from bankruptcy proceedings in your state. Start planning with your assets now. For example, retirement accounts are exempt in many states and certain states protect home equity. Then, when you do lose your job and filing for bankruptcy is no longer an obstacle you will have some protected funds.

You say the credit cards are moot but you still need to get rid of them. No telling if someone will try to get an increase in the limit or draw on them in some other way. It may also impress upon your DW the seriousness of the situation.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2020 17:48     Subject: Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?
Anonymous wrote:If you are protestant (and already previously divorced it sounds like), I have no idea why you are letting religion be a hangup. It's an excuse.

Look, you got conned by a grifter. It's plain as day. Divorce. Move on. She doesn't love you. She loves being provided for. She will find someone right after you to take her on, and take care of her kids. She will be fine. Worry about you.


There are grifter women out there who make a living by finding decent hardworking men to support them. The grifter women play on the God angle. It sounds like she goes after man, after man, after man. She has had children with multiple men.

Sir, take care of your health first. You will get through this. Divorce, bankruptcy if necessary, move on with your life.

Take care of your health.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2020 17:47     Subject: Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?
Is this you again? You left your 1st wife for your AP/2nd wife - why are you now concerned that leaving your AP/wife2 is unchristian or immoral? You did it to your 1st wife, why not do it again. I don't know much about your first wife, but from your other posts, your 2nd wife is a f'n crazy abusive person. Please, leave her and try to reconnect with your children who she banned you from.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2020 17:41     Subject: Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?
Sell a car. If wife not working she does not need a car.

See Mr. Money Mustache for info on which one to sell.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2020 17:40     Subject: Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?
Cut off the wife on spending any money at all.

She is glib and flippant and it is killing you.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2020 17:39     Subject: Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?
Kids over 18 need jobs. Honestly encourage the 16 year olds to get jobs.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2020 17:37     Subject: Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?
If you stay together wife needs to get a job. Walmart job, grocery job, babysitting job. She needs to bring in some cash.

Do you have a man at your church you can talk to?
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2020 17:35     Subject: Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?
Dave Ramsey

Mr. Money Mustache

Many, many, Americans have huge debt but get out of it.

Hang out on the Mr. Money Mustache forum.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2020 17:31     Subject: Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She needs to get a job.

You guys need Financial Peace. It's never too late for Dave Ramsey.


No jobs to be had now. And in any event she doesn’t have a degree or any valuable skills to speak of :/

I’m going to lose my pay, maybe my job, and then I’m immediately screwed because I have no savings. And the decision will be do I leave - and burden my elderly parents and leave everyone homeless - or go down with the ship.

I am a total failure.


Walmart is a job; even in a rural area.


Less than 15% of what I make now and if I catch corona I'm probably dead due to health conditions.

Another reason my anxiety is so high - I can't figure out what else to do for a career, to say nothing of a a job to feed and house even myself.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2020 17:28     Subject: Re:Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So you make 200K, are about 700K in debt if you get rid of house? And you are still in your 40s. It's very doable. You need to contact your debtors and make payment plans.

You need to stop supporting any child above 18. You cannot afford to do that. the 18+ year olds need to pay their own rent and food. Get rid of house, rent a 1 bedroom apartment.


And you need to divorce your wife if she is not onboard. The time is now. or after thee coronovirus shut down. Get all plan figure out to a T. You can do it.


Agree with a lot of this. If you're supporting college age children I assume that means you are paying tuition/room and board? You can't afford to pay that and when you stop that should free up at least $20K per year per kid to throw at your debt. Tell the children now so they can make any necessary arrangements. I would probably let them stay in the house if they wanted to because the cost of food and extra utilities is relatively nominal.

You live in a rural area so it's not clear whether the house is expensive or not. Moving costs money too so if you're talking about moving from a $200K house to a $150K house then it's not really worth it.

Can your wife file for bankruptcy for her debts or are they all joint?

I would get rid of all the credit cards and give your DW cash for groceries if she does the shopping. Sit down tonight and come up with a list of all of your expenses. If she won't cooperate pull all of your credit card statements and see where the money is going and begin making drastic cuts. You make a lot of money so it may take a few years but you can get this under control.


Kids have loans an scholarships/grants, I don't pay much.

DW could file but her debt is a drop in the bucket compared to what is in my name.

Credit cards are moot - they're all basically maxed out so we live directly on my paycheck/debit.

I have the financial acumen of a 10 year old.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2020 17:26     Subject: Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You need to either be willing to do anything to get out of financial ruin or quit complaining about it. File bankruptcy if you are so far gone. Try to get your IRS debt negotiated down. There are lawyers out there that can help with this. Sounds like drugs and alcohol played a major role in where you are today. Also, look for a new line of work. You can reinvent yourself any age. Where there is a will there is a way.


Bankruptcy immediately ends my employment.

Can't really afford a tax lawyer right now, although I will likely regret saying that.

Drugs and alcohol played no role at all. Just bad luck with my health and increasingly poor decision making.

I have spent months trying to reinvent myself but I cannot think of anything as lucrative, and now I live in a remote area and generally work from home. I feel boxed in and effed.


When you say you had Bad Luck with your health that caused you to have memory and executive function issues, what happened? Lyme disease onset? MS onset? If so why arent you on disability?

If you mean healthy issues like you have Autism or ADHD and have executive functioning issues then that’s different. Sorry you didn’t get therapy or treatment when younger or now.


Rather not get into the specific details but you're on the right track. I was very ill a few years ago and "recovered" but was never the same.

Very, very slow decline since then both mentally and physically. Now my family life and financial stress have amped up the anxiety and depression a thousand times. I am almost totally unable to concentrate on anything.

I'm not "disabled" per se but I don't think I will be able to hold my job much longer. Imagine a doctor who lost his memory - he could still "work" but it would probably be some menial job. That's sort of where I am. I don't think I would qualify for SSDI because I could do "something", like drive a delivery truck.

Like an idiot I have no savings and only debt to boot, which also feeds my anxiety and depression like gas to a fire.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2020 13:29     Subject: Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She needs to get a job.

You guys need Financial Peace. It's never too late for Dave Ramsey.


No jobs to be had now. And in any event she doesn’t have a degree or any valuable skills to speak of :/

I’m going to lose my pay, maybe my job, and then I’m immediately screwed because I have no savings. And the decision will be do I leave - and burden my elderly parents and leave everyone homeless - or go down with the ship.

I am a total failure.


Walmart is a job; even in a rural area.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2020 12:00     Subject: Re:Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?
Anonymous wrote:So you make 200K, are about 700K in debt if you get rid of house? And you are still in your 40s. It's very doable. You need to contact your debtors and make payment plans.

You need to stop supporting any child above 18. You cannot afford to do that. the 18+ year olds need to pay their own rent and food. Get rid of house, rent a 1 bedroom apartment.


And you need to divorce your wife if she is not onboard. The time is now. or after thee coronovirus shut down. Get all plan figure out to a T. You can do it.


Agree with a lot of this. If you're supporting college age children I assume that means you are paying tuition/room and board? You can't afford to pay that and when you stop that should free up at least $20K per year per kid to throw at your debt. Tell the children now so they can make any necessary arrangements. I would probably let them stay in the house if they wanted to because the cost of food and extra utilities is relatively nominal.

You live in a rural area so it's not clear whether the house is expensive or not. Moving costs money too so if you're talking about moving from a $200K house to a $150K house then it's not really worth it.

Can your wife file for bankruptcy for her debts or are they all joint?

I would get rid of all the credit cards and give your DW cash for groceries if she does the shopping. Sit down tonight and come up with a list of all of your expenses. If she won't cooperate pull all of your credit card statements and see where the money is going and begin making drastic cuts. You make a lot of money so it may take a few years but you can get this under control.