Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy, I’m shocked by some of the answers. Wtf are y’all talking about with him using her? If he we’re using her, he’d have sex, want her to leave, and call her when he’s ready to bang again. He wants her to spend the night and take her to brunch in the morning. Some guys can’t win. You calling him a loser, would come from the same people if she had posted that she goes over, has sex and then she’s not allowed to spend the night. Get real

Here’s what you’re missing:

After she sleeps over and they have playful morning sex and share mimosas over brunch, he wants to be free to take another woman out to dinner and do the same with her. THAT is why people are saying he’s using her. She’s a girlfriend placeholder until he meets someone he considers worthy of dating.

He has made it clear he does not want HER as his girlfriend. She has made it clear she wants HIM to be her boyfriend. The only solution is to end it. Anything else will lead to hurt feelings and compromising yourself.

I disagree. I think if they have playful morning sex and go to brunch he may fall in love with her and go to a cookout at a relatives or take him to meet his mom. Really.

He may take HER to meet his mom.

OP here. I have already met him mom, dad, and brother. I’ve also met his close friends. He’s met my friends but not my parents.

Something is not adding up here.

OP you know he's full of it don't you?
Enjoy the sex, but don't expect anything to change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The right response from him should have been: "I'm sorry, I'm realizing I want you to be my girlfriend, forgive me". Instead he sort of explained that he still wants you sexually (duh, who doesn't, and without strings attached, you can have that with any man!), but still has a really "strong reason" not to be exclusive ("crazy ex girlfriend", that's a major red flag).

Somewhere he knows that this deal is not going to last much longer and I don't see him changing his mind, sorry.

This

+1. At some point in the not to distant future I would be concerned that he is either full of crap or has a serious issues evaluating a situation and trusting his own judgement if he can’t see that you aren’t his ex after having spent months with you, introduced you to friends and family, met your friends etc. If his crazy ex girlfriend story is true, that is still no different than anyone putting the baggage of the ex on the current relationship instead of evaluating it on its own merits. If he really thinks there is some sort of failing where he can’t pick a decent person, he needs to take a break from dating until he figures some things out.

Anonymous wrote:The right response from him should have been: "I'm sorry, I'm realizing I want you to be my girlfriend, forgive me". Instead he sort of explained that he still wants you sexually (duh, who doesn't, and without strings attached, you can have that with any man!), but still has a really "strong reason" not to be exclusive ("crazy ex girlfriend", that's a major red flag).

Somewhere he knows that this deal is not going to last much longer and I don't see him changing his mind, sorry.

This

Anonymous wrote:who is Guy Mad?

Author of “I Won’t Sleep Over” and several other books. A crackling good read I must say. A contemporary of Brett Easton Ellis and cut his teeth at Iowa.

The right response from him should have been: "I'm sorry, I'm realizing I want you to be my girlfriend, forgive me". Instead he sort of explained that he still wants you sexually (duh, who doesn't, and without strings attached, you can have that with any man!), but still has a really "strong reason" not to be exclusive ("crazy ex girlfriend", that's a major red flag).

Somewhere he knows that this deal is not going to last much longer and I don't see him changing his mind, sorry.

who is Guy Mad?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy, I’m shocked by some of the answers. Wtf are y’all talking about with him using her? If he we’re using her, he’d have sex, want her to leave, and call her when he’s ready to bang again. He wants her to spend the night and take her to brunch in the morning. Some guys can’t win. You calling him a loser, would come from the same people if she had posted that she goes over, has sex and then she’s not allowed to spend the night. Get real

Here’s what you’re missing:

After she sleeps over and they have playful morning sex and share mimosas over brunch, he wants to be free to take another woman out to dinner and do the same with her. THAT is why people are saying he’s using her. She’s a girlfriend placeholder until he meets someone he considers worthy of dating.

He has made it clear he does not want HER as his girlfriend. She has made it clear she wants HIM to be her boyfriend. The only solution is to end it. Anything else will lead to hurt feelings and compromising yourself.

I disagree. I think if they have playful morning sex and go to brunch he may fall in love with her and go to a cookout at a relatives or take him to meet his mom. Really.

He may take HER to meet his mom.

OP here. I have already met him mom, dad, and brother. I’ve also met his close friends. He’s met my friends but not my parents.

Well, I’ve never heard of needing a commitment to have brunch with someone! That’s called dating....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I told him I could no longer do this anymore with the way things were going.

What was his reaction?

OP here. He took a couple of hours to respond but said that he feels strongly for me and doesn't want this to end. He hasn't been seeing anyone else but me. He then said he was dating a woman before me who he rushed into it with and they were just very incompatible. She was crazy and he had to block her number and all of her social media. He wanted to take things slow and make sure I wasn't nuts ad was serious about him before we made things more serious. I decided to give it another chance and see how it goes.

I dated a guy that strung me along like this. Off and on for two years! Nothing will change OP. The best thing is to either accept him as a sex buddy or cut him off completely and move on. He’s emotionally unavailable for whatever reason and nothing you do can change that. He will keep stringing you along and convincing you that he cares, but he really doesn’t.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t do it. If he won’t commit, neither should you. I would also make yourself a little less available, even if your conflicting plans are NetFlix or washing your hair. He can commit or keep walking. And when you do see him, do not stay. Let him feel how it is to be the one to wonder where else you might be going.

In my experience, I don’t think this works. When you do this, the men think you’re not interested and they start seeing other people, and eventually move on to someone that shows them more attention.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I told him I could no longer do this anymore with the way things were going.

What was his reaction?

OP here. He took a couple of hours to respond but said that he feels strongly for me and doesn't want this to end. He hasn't been seeing anyone else but me. He then said he was dating a woman before me who he rushed into it with and they were just very incompatible. She was crazy and he had to block her number and all of her social media. He wanted to take things slow and make sure I wasn't nuts ad was serious about him before we made things more serious. I decided to give it another chance and see how it goes.

NP here. I don’t doubt he is telling the truth, however you are 100% right to take it slow in terms of not sleeping over if that’s your line between casually dating and exclusively dating and he’s not ready to be exclusive. This isn’t American Idol so you shouldn’t feel like you are auditioning for the part of girlfriend. Smh that he wants you to be a girlfriend in everything but name only while he “takes it slow” to decide if he want to date you exclusively. And let’s be real, dating exclusively means you see enough to want to know more and not date anyone else. It doesn’t mean picking out china patterns or that you can’t break up if it isn’t working out. But everyone has to work things out for themselves. He has to get to the point that he trusts his judgement again and figures out how to tell if the two of you are compatible without having sleepovers.

you sound smart. Lol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I told him I could no longer do this anymore with the way things were going.

What was his reaction?

OP here. He took a couple of hours to respond but said that he feels strongly for me and doesn't want this to end. He hasn't been seeing anyone else but me. He then said he was dating a woman before me who he rushed into it with and they were just very incompatible. She was crazy and he had to block her number and all of her social media. He wanted to take things slow and make sure I wasn't nuts ad was serious about him before we made things more serious. I decided to give it another chance and see how it goes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by these so called " feminists" on this board. So because OP is a woman she can't just want sex? She has to have a solid commitment or marriage before having sex and becoming emotionally invested? This is not 1950's for all you older people. This is not how today works. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING wrong with OP wanting and enjoying sex. It's like saying it expected from a man, but how dare OP just enjoy casual sex with this guy. I don't think OP should get invested in a guy who doesn't want to make a commitment, but don't demonize her or act like she is some kind of sl*t because she enjoys having sex. Good for her for getting her sexual needs met!

OP annoys me because she thinks she's the only woman who enjoys and needs sex, therefore is "like a guy".

OP here. That's not it at all. I was simply stating why I was still sleeping with him. I know many women love sex!

Fair enough, then quit saying that phrase.
And good for you for taking action.