Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daughter has grants, loans, and part time job. She has asked for help with things like costs of text books and car repairs. Stepmom invited her own adult daughter to move in with them, it’s been a couple of years now. She does not pay rent and an adult son had previously lived rent free with them. Stepmom makes snarky comments to daughter and her dad when she feels dad is doing too much. From her perspective, it costs less to provide free room and board, then to send a check out. From our perspective, free room and board, is providing a lot more help. Daughter has had roommates but pays her own rent.

Who is "our?" You and your daughter? You and your ex husband (daughter's dad?)

This sucks for your daughter, and I am sorry for that. But it is a tale as old as time...When a divorced/widowed father marries another woman with kids from her previous marriage, his kids no longer matter.

Anonymous wrote:If your college age daughter is paying her own rent, food, and has a car, it sound like she cannot afford the lifestyle and that's why a lot of kids don't have cars in college. How much are you contributing. It sounds like neither parent is paying anything and Dad helps with some stuff and you help with nothing. Step up and help or sell the car.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my dad and stepmom. My stepmom refused to let my dad pay for a more expensive college so I went to a really cheap one. My dad is mild-mannered and there was nothing to be done about it. Ten years later her daughter was applying to all the expensive schools.

It all worked out okay in the end but it was a real struggle to get over that. The real issue for me wasn’t the money, it was feeling like I was less important than I had been before their marriage. Maybe point that out.

Could he afford more? Were there other kids? How much did your mom pay? What was your relationship like with your Dad? I know in our situation 10 years made a huge difference in our income so what we could afford 10 years prior and now are very different. Be grateful your Dad paid.

I'm grateful my dad paid, but I know that it was my stepmom who didn't want to pay for a more expensive school. In fact, she didn't want my dad to pay for anything, she wanted me to take out loans. This all made me feel awful, no matter what. But his income was about 400K at the time, no other kids in college (two younger siblings at home in public school), my relationship was and always has been good, my mom couldn't pay anything because she is ultra poor.

Several years ago as we were together chatting about my half-sister's college applications, my stepmom asked "hey weren't you going to apply to Mount Holyoke too? What happened to that?" Very awkward moment when I reminded her that I didn't apply because she wouldn't let my dad pay for it.

Paying for 3 kids in college is a lot of money. He was also probably paying a large amount of child support on top of all your college expenses.

Why are you making all this crap up? This is my life. I know it. No he wasn't paying child support. We all lived with my dad. My other sibling wasn't planning on and didn't go to college. And the other sibling was my half sister who is 10+ years younger than I am so there was no way he would be paying two college tuitions at the same time, and magically when it was her turn to go off to college, her mother didn't mind paying for a super expensive college education.

People can justify this all they want (I know my parents did), but as the child in the situation, I could see exactly what was happening. It repeated itself over and over again. My stepmom didn't want to spend money on me but she was more than happy to spend it on her own child. It's not shocking that a woman would want to nurture and care for her own child more than a stepchild.

The main point is that it's not about the money. It's about being treated unfairly. Yes kids complain about treated unfairly when they are not being treated unfairly (I have kids, I know) and no you can't make everything perfectly unfair, and no you can't go around moaning that life is unfair and blaming everything on it. Of course. But I don't think it's justifiable to give one kid a free ride and make another figure everything out on their own.

On
Did her mother work? You sound like an entitled brat.

Anonymous wrote:Daughter has grants, loans, and part time job. She has asked for help with things like costs of text books and car repairs. Stepmom invited her own adult daughter to move in with them, it’s been a couple of years now. She does not pay rent and an adult son had previously lived rent free with them. Stepmom makes snarky comments to daughter and her dad when she feels dad is doing too much. From her perspective, it costs less to provide free room and board, then to send a check out. From our perspective, free room and board, is providing a lot more help. Daughter has had roommates but pays her own rent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bottomline is OP did not come back. Car repairs are a luxury, not a necessity and no college kid needs a car. OP didn't say if she is helping and is only complaining about stepmom. We don't know who is really paying what and how much each is contributing nor do we know the parent/child relationship so none if this matters. OP needs to step up and pay for books but it is March and child should have their books by now as 1/2 the semester is over.

Well, if you say so, boss. Then post closed.

Ahem. You're not the decider of things. You sound insufferable.

Insufferable is ranting about someone and we don't have the full situation. Mom said kid is paying for most of college. Mom complained Dad would not pick up extra expenses. Its March. Kid should have all books and car is a luxury item she doesn't need. Mom can pay.