Anonymous
03/07/2020 10:23
Subject: Being the old mom
There’s no way other people’s spoken or unspoken opinions would keep me from having a child if I wanted one.
Anonymous
03/07/2020 10:20
Subject: Being the old mom
Anonymous wrote:I had my first 10 years ago at 28 in DC, and was on the younger side of the moms around us. Now, we’re in the Midwest and my 4 year old’s BFF’s mom is 16 years younger than me. We’re leaning towards transferring our last frozen embryo (frozen at 29) in a couple months... if it works, I will be just shy of 40 when baby #4 arrives. I am by far the oldest mom in my son’s preschool, and am shuddering a bit at what this looks like in another 3-4 years when our youngest is doing playgroups and school. Older moms of little ones, how do you feel knowing you’re twice the age of some of the other parents? There aren’t even questions about fertility clinics in my local mom groups - everyone has kids so young! I’m just assuming everyone will think I’m the grandma.
How is this even a surprise? You aren’t an old mom in the usual sense. This is status quo for larger families, plenty of which live in the Midwest. What you are is EXPERIENCED. How you feel is up to you. Being a first time mom at 40 is totally different. Be glad you’re developing acquaintances with younger moms who keep you in tune with cultural shifts you might not be aware of.
Anonymous
03/07/2020 10:02
Subject: Being the old mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To the young mom, please know that the "you're a baby" means "you have your whole life ahead of you," is likely said in the warmest way possible and is not a comment on your abilities.
--old mom
I’m a different “young mom” and I have people tell me all the time that “you don’t look old enough to have an Xyear old!” - it’s not a compliment. Don’t say it. It means you think I had him when I was too young and stupid to know what I was doing. I promise I look my age (35), and I had my son while I was in law school. Just because you waited till you were older doesn’t mean I’m not old enough.
Don’t comment on people’s ages. It’s not nice.
Everyone's different. I'm flattered when I get compliments like this when I am with my teen.
Anonymous
03/07/2020 09:44
Subject: Being the old mom
Anonymous wrote:To the young mom, please know that the "you're a baby" means "you have your whole life ahead of you," is likely said in the warmest way possible and is not a comment on your abilities.
--old mom
I’m a different “young mom” and I have people tell me all the time that “you don’t look old enough to have an Xyear old!” - it’s not a compliment. Don’t say it. It means you think I had him when I was too young and stupid to know what I was doing. I promise I look my age (35), and I had my son while I was in law school. Just because you waited till you were older doesn’t mean I’m not old enough.
Don’t comment on people’s ages. It’s not nice.
Anonymous
03/07/2020 09:33
Subject: Being the old mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My husband is 13 years older than me so at schools’ event I am usually the youngest mom and DH is one of the oldest dads (I had my first at 29 and DH 42)... people usually think that DH is younger than he really is and that I am older than I really am... I am usually embarrassed to say my age because the older moms usually say: “aww you are a baby”.... ahh no...
Then again my kids go to private schools and parents are usually older there. I bet parents might be closer to my age in public schools
How does age even come up? I don't tell other parents my age.
New poster here (a "young mom.)
Like a previous poster said, talking about things like old songs or movies. One specific instance I can think of is during a social event, a song came on and I mentioned something about how hearing it reminded me of third grade (because the song was popular when I was in third grade) and then an "old mom" mentioned how she was in college at that time....things like that.
My relative is an "old mom" - she "adopted" when she was 47 and is 64 with a high school junior. Adopted in quotes because it was all very vague and convoluted but really used a surrogate carrier, but for privacy reasons, decided to tell everyone it was adoption. Relative goes to great lengths to sidestep or avoid questions about her age. Very much don't ask, don't tell. Her own child isn't sure how old mom is...lots of secrets.
Anonymous
03/07/2020 08:17
Subject: Being the old mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My husband is 13 years older than me so at schools’ event I am usually the youngest mom and DH is one of the oldest dads (I had my first at 29 and DH 42)... people usually think that DH is younger than he really is and that I am older than I really am... I am usually embarrassed to say my age because the older moms usually say: “aww you are a baby”.... ahh no...
Then again my kids go to private schools and parents are usually older there. I bet parents might be closer to my age in public schools
How does age even come up? I don't tell other parents my age.
New poster here (a "young mom.)
Like a previous poster said, talking about things like old songs or movies. One specific instance I can think of is during a social event, a song came on and I mentioned something about how hearing it reminded me of third grade (because the song was popular when I was in third grade) and then an "old mom" mentioned how she was in college at that time....things like that.
Anonymous
03/07/2020 07:20
Subject: Being the old mom
Lol everyone here looks young for their age though!
Anonymous
03/07/2020 07:17
Subject: Being the old mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My husband is 13 years older than me so at schools’ event I am usually the youngest mom and DH is one of the oldest dads (I had my first at 29 and DH 42)... people usually think that DH is younger than he really is and that I am older than I really am... I am usually embarrassed to say my age because the older moms usually say: “aww you are a baby”.... ahh no...
Then again my kids go to private schools and parents are usually older there. I bet parents might be closer to my age in public schools
How does age even come up? I don't tell other parents my age.
lol
You can tell by looking at someone - and definitely by talking to them. I know everyone on this site thinks they look 25, but it’s actually quite easy to tell if someone is in their 30’s or 40’s or 50’s.
I'm 40 with two preschoolers. I probably look 60.
Anonymous
03/07/2020 06:56
Subject: Being the old mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My husband is 13 years older than me so at schools’ event I am usually the youngest mom and DH is one of the oldest dads (I had my first at 29 and DH 42)... people usually think that DH is younger than he really is and that I am older than I really am... I am usually embarrassed to say my age because the older moms usually say: “aww you are a baby”.... ahh no...
Then again my kids go to private schools and parents are usually older there. I bet parents might be closer to my age in public schools
How does age even come up? I don't tell other parents my age.
lol
You can tell by looking at someone - and definitely by talking to them. I know everyone on this site thinks they look 25, but it’s actually quite easy to tell if someone is in their 30’s or 40’s or 50’s.
Anonymous
03/07/2020 06:52
Subject: Being the old mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To the young mom, please know that the "you're a baby" means "you have your whole life ahead of you," is likely said in the warmest way possible and is not a comment on your abilities.
--old mom
Thank you! I am sure they all mean well, but I still feel out of place there. Older moms look to me like they have it all figured it out. They are always on top of everything... I just had my third at 34 so by the time he goes to preschool/kindergarten I will be surrounded by women much closer to my age
I'm the old mom above, 41 with a 5yo and a 1yo. I don't even think 7 years is that big of a difference. Maybe if you were 25, I'd be checking to make sure you've heard of my cultural references but other than that, would gladly hang out with you. And if you thought I was too old then...oh well, next!
But in any case 34 is a perfect age.
As for looking like we have it figured out, I do think that with age comes the realization that we don't owe anyone anything, so that does give you a certain confidence boost. But the truth is, all we wanna do is take a nap.
Anonymous
03/06/2020 19:55
Subject: Being the old mom
Anonymous wrote:To the young mom, please know that the "you're a baby" means "you have your whole life ahead of you," is likely said in the warmest way possible and is not a comment on your abilities.
--old mom
Thank you! I am sure they all mean well, but I still feel out of place there. Older moms look to me like they have it all figured it out. They are always on top of everything... I just had my third at 34 so by the time he goes to preschool/kindergarten I will be surrounded by women much closer to my age
Anonymous
03/06/2020 17:44
Subject: Being the old mom
To the young mom, please know that the "you're a baby" means "you have your whole life ahead of you," is likely said in the warmest way possible and is not a comment on your abilities.
--old mom
--old mom
Anonymous
03/06/2020 14:01
Subject: Being the old mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My husband is 13 years older than me so at schools’ event I am usually the youngest mom and DH is one of the oldest dads (I had my first at 29 and DH 42)... people usually think that DH is younger than he really is and that I am older than I really am... I am usually embarrassed to say my age because the older moms usually say: “aww you are a baby”.... ahh no...
Then again my kids go to private schools and parents are usually older there. I bet parents might be closer to my age in public schools
How does age even come up? I don't tell other parents my age.
I don’t know, but over the course of 2 years of conversations it came up at least 5 times with my kids classmates’ moms and I have been called “a baby” 3 times...
I believe this. It happens to me all the time. Especially when people are talking about old movies or songs. Haha older moms sometimes have no shame. I would never put someone on the spot about their age but many people have no problem with asking my age. But to OPs original post, I would definitely go for it and not worry about what others may think!
Anonymous
03/06/2020 11:53
Subject: Being the old mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My husband is 13 years older than me so at schools’ event I am usually the youngest mom and DH is one of the oldest dads (I had my first at 29 and DH 42)... people usually think that DH is younger than he really is and that I am older than I really am... I am usually embarrassed to say my age because the older moms usually say: “aww you are a baby”.... ahh no...
Then again my kids go to private schools and parents are usually older there. I bet parents might be closer to my age in public schools
How does age even come up? I don't tell other parents my age.
I don’t know, but over the course of 2 years of conversations it came up at least 5 times with my kids classmates’ moms and I have been called “a baby” 3 times...
Anonymous
03/06/2020 11:49
Subject: Being the old mom
Anonymous wrote:My husband is 13 years older than me so at schools’ event I am usually the youngest mom and DH is one of the oldest dads (I had my first at 29 and DH 42)... people usually think that DH is younger than he really is and that I am older than I really am... I am usually embarrassed to say my age because the older moms usually say: “aww you are a baby”.... ahh no...
Then again my kids go to private schools and parents are usually older there. I bet parents might be closer to my age in public schools
How does age even come up? I don't tell other parents my age.