Anonymous wrote:Follow up question

Apart from buying all new furniture, what can I do to make people feel more comfortable?

Get rid of the glass table and put in something more natural. Put some blankets and pillows on the couch. Leave out the book you were reading and the toys the kids were playing with when guests show up. Frame some snapshots and kids artwork and hang them on the wall. Make coffee and offer it to your guests to drink in your living room when they come over.
But more importantly ...Don’t talk about your house! Don’t talk about your furniture, your drapes, your wallpaper, or your decorator. Don’t talk about any artwork that you haven’t actually made yourself. Don’t talk about cleaning your house, your division of labor with your husband, or whether or not your cleaning service does a good enough job.

Anonymous wrote:If your kids aren’t allowed to play in the main areas of the house, what are they doing while you are cooking and cleaning?

If it’s ok if my kids run around your house, get all the toys out, go outside, come back in, leave a dirty footprint and a small pile of sand on your hardwood and clean footprints all over your carpet, get crumbs in your kitchen when they have a snack, pull the pillows off the couch, and get fingerprints on your glass table...when do you clean it up? Then when do you make dinner if it’s an afternoon play date? What are your kids doing while you clean?

I always feel like this is all find in most homes because most people are ok with it being a little bit of a mess most of the time and kind of a disaster some of the time. They would clean up later that night or the next day when they got around to it.

NP, but my kids' toys live in the playroom, which is on the third floor (we moved from DC to the beach so we don't have a basement because we can't dig under our house that deep). In the family room we have board games, card games, and coloring stuff plus books. In their rooms, our kids have books and coloring stuff. If they bring toys from the playroom into other parts of the house or outside, then they put the toys back there at the end of the day. So it's not that they aren't allowed to play with their toys except for in the playroom, it's that that's where the toys live. I imagine perhaps some other people's set up is the same. It's truly not some big mystery.

Also, if your kids come over and get all the toys out and pull the pillows off the couch, I'd expect the kids would clean up when they are done playing. My friends would never let their kids leave a house with all that stuff out when their kids are the ones that did it. In terms of the crumbs, sand, and dirt, I'd run the cordless vacuum cleaner for less than five minutes and clean it up, probably either after the play date so it doesn't get tracked somewhere, or later that day. Again, really not a big mystery, it isn't that hard to straighten up and vacuum. And when I'm vacuuming my kids are probably outside, coloring, playing together, helping make dinner, I don't know, any number of things.

I judge all homes.

If your kids aren’t allowed to play in the main areas of the house, what are they doing while you are cooking and cleaning?

If it’s ok if my kids run around your house, get all the toys out, go outside, come back in, leave a dirty footprint and a small pile of sand on your hardwood and clean footprints all over your carpet, get crumbs in your kitchen when they have a snack, pull the pillows off the couch, and get fingerprints on your glass table...when do you clean it up? Then when do you make dinner if it’s an afternoon play date? What are your kids doing while you clean?

I always feel like this is all find in most homes because most people are ok with it being a little bit of a mess most of the time and kind of a disaster some of the time. They would clean up later that night or the next day when they got around to it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't judge per se, but it sounds like a visit to your house wouldn't be especially comfortable for me or my kids.
Because at first you say that even though it's nice, you're laid back and don't care if anyone spills.

But then you say that toys can't leave the playroom and milk can't leave the kitchen, so clearly you do care, and the rules you have are definitely more strict than the norm.

Old milk smells gross... I assumed most people would do what they can to avoid having milk in bedrooms and on upholstered furniture. Am I wrong? We only have milk in the kitchen and dining room. The other posts in this thread about limiting toys and having cleaning crews and kids clean are not me.

You are wrong. Most people clean it up when it spills. I don’t limit food or drinks anywhere, nor do any of the parents in my circle. It isn’t the norm these days to be strict about where people eat and drink. Casual is the norm now.

Milk though? We eat in the kitchen/dining, living room and of course kids and other guests often eat and drink in the playroom. Water can be drunk anywhere. But milk all over the house when it’s just you and your family seems so unnecessary. Maybe I just have an aversion to milk lol.

hahaha maybe so! I get what you are saying, it does smell if not properly cleaned, but no I don't limit it. I do make the kids help clean it up if they spill it. I also have a Big Green Machine that isn't daunted by a bit of split milk, and slipcovers on the couches I can wash. But I'm very laid back, I'm the person with 30 chickens in my house right now so perhaps I'm not a good fit to give you advice. I am sure you will find plenty of DCUMers who will attest to being far more strict than you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sense a certain naivete, OP.

First, that decor is certainly quite intimidating for the average American family. Your guests are probably worried that if their kid cracks a glass top or spills on the white rug/couch, you'll be mad and perhaps ask them to pay for it. I suspect you've never actually had to clean certain kid messes off that kind of surface, otherwise you'd NEVER write that you're fine with it!

Are you aware of what rambunctious boys can do to a house? One of my 5 year old guests nearly cracked and toppled the upper balusters down into the stairwell, and himself along with them. A 10 year old swung a bat at my crystal chandelier, narrowly missing it; his mother had a conniption.

This is OP. I am aware of how much of a pain glass is to clean. But we have this furniture and I’m not about to buy all new furniture at this point. The glass furniture is all thicker tempered glass and I’ve never had any cracks or anything despite having a toddler slam his metal or glass cups down.

For your other examples, yeah I guess my house couldn’t handle a ten year old swinging a baseball bat in the house, but I don’t think any kid should be left swinging a wooden bat around the house, they’d be sent outside to play.

We did get rid of the glass table when our oldest started climbing on it and jumping on it. He was probably only 10 months old, so not really old enough to feel that we could have consequences for it that he would understand. We switched it out for a fake leather ottoman and put down an area rug. Larger pieces of furniture got bolted to the wall, anything breakable was moved out of toddler reach. It did not look the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't judge per se, but it sounds like a visit to your house wouldn't be especially comfortable for me or my kids.
Because at first you say that even though it's nice, you're laid back and don't care if anyone spills.

But then you say that toys can't leave the playroom and milk can't leave the kitchen, so clearly you do care, and the rules you have are definitely more strict than the norm.

Old milk smells gross... I assumed most people would do what they can to avoid having milk in bedrooms and on upholstered furniture. Am I wrong? We only have milk in the kitchen and dining room. The other posts in this thread about limiting toys and having cleaning crews and kids clean are not me.

You are wrong. Most people clean it up when it spills. I don’t limit food or drinks anywhere, nor do any of the parents in my circle. It isn’t the norm these days to be strict about where people eat and drink. Casual is the norm now.

Milk though? We eat in the kitchen/dining, living room and of course kids and other guests often eat and drink in the playroom. Water can be drunk anywhere. But milk all over the house when it’s just you and your family seems so unnecessary. Maybe I just have an aversion to milk lol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't judge per se, but it sounds like a visit to your house wouldn't be especially comfortable for me or my kids.
Because at first you say that even though it's nice, you're laid back and don't care if anyone spills.

But then you say that toys can't leave the playroom and milk can't leave the kitchen, so clearly you do care, and the rules you have are definitely more strict than the norm.

Old milk smells gross... I assumed most people would do what they can to avoid having milk in bedrooms and on upholstered furniture. Am I wrong? We only have milk in the kitchen and dining room. The other posts in this thread about limiting toys and having cleaning crews and kids clean are not me.

NP, but we also don't let kids walk around the house with milk. You drink in the kitchen (at the island or at the kitchen table) or the dining room. Or outside, although generally then it's water since kids don't usually chug milk while running around. But yeah, you don't take milk into the playroom. That's just gross to me. Also unnecessary.

+1, we don't let kids eat outside the kitchen/dining area except if they are sick a rare occasion. And, always a close container outside those areas. Its easy to brag a spotless house when you have a nanny and housekeeper though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't judge per se, but it sounds like a visit to your house wouldn't be especially comfortable for me or my kids.
Because at first you say that even though it's nice, you're laid back and don't care if anyone spills.

But then you say that toys can't leave the playroom and milk can't leave the kitchen, so clearly you do care, and the rules you have are definitely more strict than the norm.

Old milk smells gross... I assumed most people would do what they can to avoid having milk in bedrooms and on upholstered furniture. Am I wrong? We only have milk in the kitchen and dining room. The other posts in this thread about limiting toys and having cleaning crews and kids clean are not me.

NP, but we also don't let kids walk around the house with milk. You drink in the kitchen (at the island or at the kitchen table) or the dining room. Or outside, although generally then it's water since kids don't usually chug milk while running around. But yeah, you don't take milk into the playroom. That's just gross to me. Also unnecessary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't judge per se, but it sounds like a visit to your house wouldn't be especially comfortable for me or my kids.
Because at first you say that even though it's nice, you're laid back and don't care if anyone spills.

But then you say that toys can't leave the playroom and milk can't leave the kitchen, so clearly you do care, and the rules you have are definitely more strict than the norm.

Old milk smells gross... I assumed most people would do what they can to avoid having milk in bedrooms and on upholstered furniture. Am I wrong? We only have milk in the kitchen and dining room. The other posts in this thread about limiting toys and having cleaning crews and kids clean are not me.

You are wrong. Most people clean it up when it spills. I don’t limit food or drinks anywhere, nor do any of the parents in my circle. It isn’t the norm these days to be strict about where people eat and drink. Casual is the norm now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't judge per se, but it sounds like a visit to your house wouldn't be especially comfortable for me or my kids.
Because at first you say that even though it's nice, you're laid back and don't care if anyone spills.

But then you say that toys can't leave the playroom and milk can't leave the kitchen, so clearly you do care, and the rules you have are definitely more strict than the norm.

Old milk smells gross... I assumed most people would do what they can to avoid having milk in bedrooms and on upholstered furniture. Am I wrong? We only have milk in the kitchen and dining room. The other posts in this thread about limiting toys and having cleaning crews and kids clean are not me.

DP here. My kids aren’t allowed to take food outside the kitchen either. We keep toys mostly in the playroom but it isn’t like I police the toys when we have a play date. I do request we eat in the kitchen. Everyone seems to not mind. No one wants to find goldfish crackers or a smushed strawberry in the basement playroom a month later.

Not judging them, but don’t want to be them either. But I have a lot of organized chaos going on in my home - active kids, lots of pets and currently a couple dozen baby chicks waiting to feather out before they can go outside in the coop. I don’t want to live in a magazine ad but doesn’t bother me if others do. I just won’t bring any chickens when I come visit.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't judge per se, but it sounds like a visit to your house wouldn't be especially comfortable for me or my kids.
Because at first you say that even though it's nice, you're laid back and don't care if anyone spills.

But then you say that toys can't leave the playroom and milk can't leave the kitchen, so clearly you do care, and the rules you have are definitely more strict than the norm.

Old milk smells gross... I assumed most people would do what they can to avoid having milk in bedrooms and on upholstered furniture. Am I wrong? We only have milk in the kitchen and dining room. The other posts in this thread about limiting toys and having cleaning crews and kids clean are not me.

Anonymous wrote:I little.

I will also make a few pictures crooked and move a Knick knack or two just for fun.

My friends do this to me in my house. It's super organized because I'm very type A and I like everything in its place, so they'll mess with stuff and see how long it takes me to figure it out. It always makes me laugh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't judge, but I can guarantee my two active toddlers will leave some sort of unsightly food stain on your white rug and bang their heads on your sharp-edged, glass coffee table if I don't watch them every second. So no, I won't judge you, but I will suffer through the visit and make excuses to host or meet elsewhere going forward.

P.S. my house is clean, largely thanks to our wonderful house cleaner and our nanny, but the toys have definitely taken over. And no, I don't believe you when you tell me you aren't judging me. I don't much care because I have a pretty thick skin, but I know you're judging.

Is this the OP? Man, you are an annoying piece of work.

No, I'm not the OP. But I'm heartbroken you think I'm annoying, internet stranger.

I am well aware. You don't care what anyone thinks, clearly. Your poor friends and neighbors.