No judgment here.

If I had a crap ton of money, I’d have a chef, house manager to clean and organize, and evening tutor/homework supervisor for my teens (at this point I’m absolutely no help).

I think it would free up stress and anxiety, giving us unencumbered time each evening and weekend.

I don't judge them. I only wish we had some funds to hire at least a cleaning lady every other week.

I only judge when I see something where parents are super unengaged and it seems like they are overly hands off. Recent example: nice restaurant in Manhattan on a Sunday afternoon. 2 parents sat there drinking wine and talking/on their phones for a 2.5 he meal where they didn't once interact with the one 4ish year old who was there with them, with the nanny. Idk, maybe they're amazing the other 99 percent of the time, but I side eyed a bit. I can't imagine having one kid and needing to hire someone to accompany me and spouse to a Sunday brunch.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really think anything of what others do but if you’re asking ... I think it is weak and you should be able to handle your own kids. But I am also from the midwest and value not “being spoiled.”

I have 3 kids and have been amazed at how many people ask me if I have help and have been surprised when I say no (after first having to clarify what they are asking!). Um, no, they are my kids.

Ehh. I am from the Midwest and I would never, ever tell people there how much help I have. They are super judgmental! But, I have quite a bit and it is awesome. I have no desire to win the hardest life award.

Anonymous wrote:I used to judge it harshly before I had kids. I probably even judged it after one kid. Now that we have three - no judgement, and I’m one of those moms with help.

People underestimate how hired help can facilitate MORE time with the kids, not less. I SAH, but having a housekeeper means I spend more time with the kids instead of cleaning, and a part-time nanny means instead of dragging all the kids to one’s activity, I can send the kid with the nanny and go play with the others. Really, just like OP describes experiencing with the mother’s helper. You can focus on the kids more when you have help.

THIS!!!! I have 3 kids and SAH. A nanny helps me to get the kids to their different activities after school when DH is at work. I'm still always with at least one child every afternoon!

Anonymous wrote:The only person I ever judged had five children, a daytime nanny, a nighttime nanny, a weekend daytime nanny, and a weekend nighttime nanny.

Everyone else, I am honestly just jealous that I can't afford extra help!

I would think the opposite. I would not judge the family with 5 kids having around the clock help, especially if there are babies and toddlers.

I have 3 kids and a DH with a very demanding job. I have a PT nanny and housekeeper and don’t feel bad one bit.

That’s not a “ton” of help imo

A ton is a full time nanny for each child + night time help if children are not STTN, housekeeper, chef, house manager, gardener, etc.

The only person I ever judged had five children, a daytime nanny, a nighttime nanny, a weekend daytime nanny, and a weekend nighttime nanny.

Everyone else, I am honestly just jealous that I can't afford extra help!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think no one parent should have to deal with multiple children on their own for more than a couple of hours. So if you’re alone with 2 kids, of course you hire a helper. Or if you and DH have 3 kids, of course you hire a helper.

What? Really? And I ask that as someone who has a full-time nanny while her two kids are in school (I do work full-time). But my husband and I routinely take the two of them to do something without the other parent. Including for an entire weekend or longer.

And that full-time nanny has your two kids for times when she is caring for your kids and they are not in school (assuming you and YH don't work only school hours).

I WOH part-time and am the SAHP part-time. When I WOH we have a nanny. She and I both have plenty of hours alone with 3 kids.

And what about daycare ratios - they aren't one-adult-to-one-kid. Is it only parents who get a pass on dealing with multiple kids?

Anonymous wrote:I think no one parent should have to deal with multiple children on their own for more than a couple of hours. So if you’re alone with 2 kids, of course you hire a helper. Or if you and DH have 3 kids, of course you hire a helper.

What? Really? And I ask that as someone who has a full-time nanny while her two kids are in school (I do work full-time). But my husband and I routinely take the two of them to do something without the other parent. Including for an entire weekend or longer.

I don’t have time to think of them. I MMOB.

I don’t think anything about them.

I decided to stop paying a housekeeper so my teens would develop a greater sense of responsibility and basic life skills around cleaning and being a good roommate. I thought this was important in our particular household as college approaches. But what works for us doesn’t work for everyone, and it’s not my place to judge.

Anonymous wrote:I think I’m lucky they are to be able to afford that and that I wish I could. I would hire out for all health contacts in a heartbeat.

How, not I’m

I think I’m lucky they are to be able to afford that and that I wish I could. I would hire out for all health contacts in a heartbeat.

I think no one parent should have to deal with multiple children on their own for more than a couple of hours. So if you’re alone with 2 kids, of course you hire a helper. Or if you and DH have 3 kids, of course you hire a helper.