Anonymous wrote:

js426 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.redfin.com/MD/New-Carrollton/6101-Lamont-Dr-20784/home/11055773

Something like this

Aww, thanks!! If the neighborhood is safe (i don't know anything about the New Carrollton neighborhood), we are totally open to finding something right by the train station! And DH can drive into work from DE train station (with his beat car)

If you are white or Asian, your kids will be the only ones like them at that school.

https://www.greatschools.org/maryland/new-carrollton/1064-Carrollton-Elementary-School/

how does this answer her question about safety?

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, you are stuck in excuse-land. It sounds like neither of your jobs are all that, so one of you needs to find a new job. Or one of you needs to quit. The commuting options being thrown out above are going to kill one (if not both) of you. All that is bad enough, but, you have a kid and none of this is fair to your kid.

I mean really, you’re going to live near Baltimore? Ok, so where is daycare...is it in DC, are you dragging your kid on your commute everyday? So 2-3 hours of commuting for the kid? Or is daycare in Baltimore, so drop off at 6am and pray everyday to make it back by the time daycare closes 12 hours later? Then what, feed kid and throw in bed so you can all wake up at 4 am and do it again the next day? And this doesn’t even go into your zombie husband who you might see before you have to go to bed.

Doesn’t work.

+1. Your judgement is awful if you think it’ll work.

I'm from Delaware (both Newark and Middletown) and currently live in NE DC. Once I turn off my street I'm on E Capitol St/295 and my parents live off 50 in Delaware which means it's about 3-5 turns from my front door to theirs. On a normal Saturday during the winter it takes about 1 hour 30 minutes via the bay bridge. In the summer that can easily be 2+ hours. If it is a Friday it's gonna be over 3 hours. 95 is only slightly better in the summer, but not much. The other thing you have to think about is the cost of tolls. 95 is gonna cost you at least $12 one way so you need to calculate that into the cost of commuting too.

This is a depressing thought but I’d make sure your husband’s life insurance is all in place at the levels you want before he starts that commute. That kind of driving can really increase premiums.

People are talking about your DHs commute but your commute is going to suck AND you'll be in charge of drop off/pickup. This is my situation right now and it is resentment-building. The only thing he has to worry about is himself and the long drive. You have to worry about constantly being perfect and even running 10 minutes late can mean your whole day is thrown off and/or you have to take leave to leave work at normal time to be able to pick up your kid before daycare closes.

If you do daycare- most places don't open until 630. That means, best case scenario, you can leave by 640- even Columbia (not even talking about north of Baltimore) into DC at 640 is going to take you an hour. Add 8.5 day= 730-4pm. Leaving at 4pm gets you back to daycare by 6? Hope there are no closures or accidents because daycare closes at 6/630. You wont even have a chance of not missing pick up time at least 1x/month. Your kid is in daycare 12 hours a day and to get up at 6am, will need to be in bed literally by the time you get home.

A nanny will be overtime unless you can arrange 1 WAH day- maybe each? 3x 12 hours=36 plus buffer for bad travel days?

I drove from Baltimore (Locust Point) into Calverton for 9 months and even at pre-7am it would take me 30minutes (at least), into DC would be an additional 30-45 minutes depending on where you need to go. 95 S or N bound was closed (completely) 6 times during that 9 months. That isn't taking into account fender benders, spring break traffic, summer travelers, 4 days weekend traffic on Thursday nights, Thanksgiving and Christmas travel, abandoned cars, police stops, etc. - that means completelllllyyy closed. I was stuck on 95S for 3.5 hours one day.

Anonymous wrote:My DH commuted to Philadelphia every day he wasn't traveling elsewhere for 3 years. Philly is a 2.5 hr drive but he did on train. We live near a MARC station (Kensington) and his hours away from home were pretty much 7-7. Being on train meant he was productive and less stressed. Cost was more but I cannot imagine the wear and tear on car & driver, the unpredictable traffic, weather plus the hours lost to mind-numbing drive. The two years wasn't ideal and he'd been promised alternative weeks of work at home but management reneged w/change of CEO. It wasn't terrible except all daytime kid stuff on me but luckily my work was flexible.

I'm one of the people who suggested MARC. I was going to suggest Kensington (vs New Carrolton) - Kensington gets you on the red line, so the OP's commute wouldn't be terrible. But The MARC train from Kensington means you'd have to go into Union station then out to Perryville. Is that what your husband did? Not sure how much time that adds.

The Marc train is great - very clean and modern. Runs regularly. MUCH CHEAPER.

Like, New Carrolton to Perryville is $12 one way. But, monthly, it's 324. (It's unclear ot me if it's 324 one way, and another 324 the other way, but in either case - way cheaper than 1500 monthly on Amtrak.

https://www.mta.maryland.gov/marc-fares

Kensington MD is on the Bruncwick line. Union station/New Carrolton/Perryville is the Penn Line.

https://www.mta.maryland.gov/schedule/marc-penn?schedule_date=02%2F05%2F2020&direction=0&origin=11976&destination=11958

I commuted from Rising Sun, MD (near the DE border, off 95) to Columbia, MD for 6 months when I was talking care of a sick parent.

Just that drive was often 2 hours each way. There is no way that DC to Newark will be under 2 hours each way, unless you are doing bizarrely early hours.

If DH can do the train, this might be doable for a year or two.

But realize that not only will you be doing all the childcare pickups, you'll also be doing (or hiring out) all the housework, lawn work, doctors appts, etc. Your DH will be exhausted and cranky from the commute. Your weekends will be spent doing all the personal errands that are necessary, since time will be so limited durning the week.

Work hard on finding a better option.

Yeah, you are stuck in excuse-land. It sounds like neither of your jobs are all that, so one of you needs to find a new job. Or one of you needs to quit. The commuting options being thrown out above are going to kill one (if not both) of you. All that is bad enough, but, you have a kid and none of this is fair to your kid.

I mean really, you’re going to live near Baltimore? Ok, so where is daycare...is it in DC, are you dragging your kid on your commute everyday? So 2-3 hours of commuting for the kid? Or is daycare in Baltimore, so drop off at 6am and pray everyday to make it back by the time daycare closes 12 hours later? Then what, feed kid and throw in bed so you can all wake up at 4 am and do it again the next day? And this doesn’t even go into your zombie husband who you might see before you have to go to bed.

Doesn’t work.

Also, perryville isn't that far from DE, so if your husband can go to work late around 9 am he can still take the kids to daycare. If there is an emergency Newark to perryville isn't that long when you drive during off rush hour times. You'd just have to get up early to catch the Marc.

My parents live in DE and we go there all the time. You are insane if you live anywhere south of Baltimore. Traffic is horrendous until you get past the sesquehanna. On a normal Friday it can take 2.5-3 hours to get up there. Summers can be a lot worse. At least move north past Columbia. You are talking about possibly an 8 hour commute round trip on a bad day, and five hours at bare minimum on a good day if he will be leaving from DC or the MoCo region.

You can get marcc trains near perryville - he drives from there and you marcc in, but then you'll have complications with childcare. You won't win no matter what.

Even driving from Baltimore round trip to Newark is horrendous and it can take 2 hours each way with rush hour traffic on some days.

The last option is to simply pony up the money for an Amtrak ticket from DC to Newark and then bus to his office in DE. You will absolutely kill your husband in less than week with a drive like that everyday.

I live in upper MoCo, and my commute to DC by car ranges anywhere from one hour (if I leave before 6:30) to two hours. An average morning, it’s 90+ minutes door to door. Ditto for the evening commute. It’s not easy, but it’s do-able. It basically means I’m home late everyday unless I go in super early. If your husband can get up at 5am, then maybe he can get home early? That depends on the office culture (some offices like FaceTime).

I wouldn’t live downtown; too expensive, and your husband’s commute would be long.

Where can you live so you have a 45 minute commute? And what kind of commute would that be for your husband? Try to identify backroads for his commute before settling.

js426 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.redfin.com/MD/New-Carrollton/6101-Lamont-Dr-20784/home/11055773

Something like this

Aww, thanks!! If the neighborhood is safe (i don't know anything about the New Carrollton neighborhood), we are totally open to finding something right by the train station! And DH can drive into work from DE train station (with his beat car)

If you are white or Asian, your kids will be the only ones like them at that school.

https://www.greatschools.org/maryland/new-carrollton/1064-Carrollton-Elementary-School/

My DH commuted to Philadelphia every day he wasn't traveling elsewhere for 3 years. Philly is a 2.5 hr drive but he did on train. We live near a MARC station (Kensington) and his hours away from home were pretty much 7-7. Being on train meant he was productive and less stressed. Cost was more but I cannot imagine the wear and tear on car & driver, the unpredictable traffic, weather plus the hours lost to mind-numbing drive. The two years wasn't ideal and he'd been promised alternative weeks of work at home but management reneged w/change of CEO. It wasn't terrible except all daytime kid stuff on me but luckily my work was flexible.

Anonymous wrote:Ok, wow, this is a tough one. I think BY FAR your best option for his commute is the MARC train and a beater car in perryville. MARC is really nice and not as expensive as Amtrak.

that puts you around New Carrolton, MD - you could take metro into DC and it wouldn't be impossible. Schools might become an issue quickly (if this is a 3 yaer plan).

I think you could white knuckle through this for 6 months. But long term this is pretty brutal.

Yes, school is another issue we'll have to face...

Is MARC reliable and do they run frequently between NC and Perryville? With Amtrak, I think their monthly pass was like $1,500 between NC-Wilmington DE, takes about 1.5 hour each way.

Anonymous wrote:

js426 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - is this a new job or has he been transferred? Is there any chance he was transferred in an effort to get him to find his way out of the org? If so I would re evaluate any moves.

I think your best options are Baltimore suburb/au pair or he takes the train & keeps a contingency car in DE in case of emergency, last option would be he keeps a midweek apartment and only comes home on weekends.

We are currently doing NY-DC long distance where I do the weekly commute to/from DC Mon-Thursday. He decided to transfer close to DC and Delaware is the closest...

Eventually we both know this will get old, so he would have to find other opportunities (because my job is tied to DC), but for now we wanted to give this DE-DC arrangement a shot.

What's your salary and job field? You mention rent being high in some areas, so I assume your salary is not very high. Could you find a similar salary at a job closer to DE?

I'm in the international development field so no job prospects in DE... My salary is not that high (low 100k) but high enough where I don't want to quit my job