Anonymous
Post 02/01/2020 13:21     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes. When DH and I sat down to figure out if we wanted a 2nd kid (we were both on the fence) we basically decided the life we could give DS as an only was better than if we had 2 kids. And we've never regretted our decision. DS has had a lot of opportunities that wouldn't have been possible if we had another child.


I truly don’t want to be mean bc I respect everyone’s decision. But did you ever consider the opinion of your kid or any kid? If you asked a kid would they have rather have had whatever it was you could give him or her as an only (vacation, school, etc) or give them a sibling, what do you think they would say now? Or say at age 20, 30 when we all start analyzing our childhood?

Maybe he or she would say I’m glad I was an only so I got those things. But most only a I know want more than one kid bc they don’t want the childhood they had as an only.

Consider the other side.


Yup. That's my plan. Super nice vacations with just the one kid. And later, my oh so lonely only will give me a bunch of grand kids.


Unless your only doesn’t marry or never has kids. Then what? Your only is alone for the rest of his/her life? Sad.


My only doesn’t want to get married, or have kids. She’s only 10, but if that’s her choice, then that’s her choice. Alone isn’t a bad thing. It’s completely okay to be alone and childless. People actually have wonderful lives, being single and childless by choice.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2020 09:10     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes. When DH and I sat down to figure out if we wanted a 2nd kid (we were both on the fence) we basically decided the life we could give DS as an only was better than if we had 2 kids. And we've never regretted our decision. DS has had a lot of opportunities that wouldn't have been possible if we had another child.


I truly don’t want to be mean bc I respect everyone’s decision. But did you ever consider the opinion of your kid or any kid? If you asked a kid would they have rather have had whatever it was you could give him or her as an only (vacation, school, etc) or give them a sibling, what do you think they would say now? Or say at age 20, 30 when we all start analyzing our childhood?

Maybe he or she would say I’m glad I was an only so I got those things. But most only a I know want more than one kid bc they don’t want the childhood they had as an only.

Consider the other side.


Yup. That's my plan. Super nice vacations with just the one kid. And later, my oh so lonely only will give me a bunch of grand kids.


Unless your only doesn’t marry or never has kids. Then what? Your only is alone for the rest of his/her life? Sad.


Only child here who has always wanted siblings. Almost didn’t have kids either and my mom was pretty devistated.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2020 09:02     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:We want a third but since the eldest is already in private school I don’t know how we could do it. HHI of 700k but unlike PP we don’t take luxury vacations or have luxury cars.


Classic dcum.

Gentle caution: my SIL’s husband convinced her they couldn’t afford a third child (she desperately wanted one). He earned north of $750. Long story short: he was planning his exit strategy once the youngest hit a certain age and he had a certain amount of savings/investments to cover the divorce and maintain his standard of living.

If you can’t afford a kid at $700k, then you are doing something wrong or something is up with your husband.

If you aren’t traveling, then something is definitely up with your husband. He’s likely using vacation time with someone else.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2020 08:19     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes. When DH and I sat down to figure out if we wanted a 2nd kid (we were both on the fence) we basically decided the life we could give DS as an only was better than if we had 2 kids. And we've never regretted our decision. DS has had a lot of opportunities that wouldn't have been possible if we had another child.


I truly don’t want to be mean bc I respect everyone’s decision. But did you ever consider the opinion of your kid or any kid? If you asked a kid would they have rather have had whatever it was you could give him or her as an only (vacation, school, etc) or give them a sibling, what do you think they would say now? Or say at age 20, 30 when we all start analyzing our childhood?

Maybe he or she would say I’m glad I was an only so I got those things. But most only a I know want more than one kid bc they don’t want the childhood they had as an only.

Consider the other side.


Yup. That's my plan. Super nice vacations with just the one kid. And later, my oh so lonely only will give me a bunch of grand kids.


Unless your only doesn’t marry or never has kids. Then what? Your only is alone for the rest of his/her life? Sad.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 23:18     Subject: Re:Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
The biggest for us is time / energy. My health is a factor - I had some complications in my 2nd pregnancy and that was 3 years ago - and money is definitely a factor. While we would figure out three (my sister whose “2nd” was surprise twins is making it work), two seems right for us.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 19:31     Subject: Re:Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let’s say you have two children. The $$$ impact of going from having one child to two children is bigger than from two to three, three to four, four to five, etc. So if you didn’t engage in much calculating before going from one to two, it’s not logical to suddenly act differently before trying for a third.

Also, if you want more children and have financial concerns, moving to a lower-cost area is the most important move you can make, even if there’s a hit to your income. A bonus is that financial aid formulas provide negligible credit for high costs of living, but big credits for having multiple children attending simultaneously and for reduced incomes.


Actually, 2 to 3 usually involves an upgrade to a bigger car, if you don't have one already. That's another one for me and my husband. We have two paid of cars right now that we can probably keep for a long time. If we have a third child, we're going to need a minivan.


Yup 2 to 3 usually means 3 to 4 bedrms, TH to SF home. You can swing one hotel room for family of 4 much longer than 5.
Timewise, 2 kids' activities more manageable with 2 drivers.
Jump to 3 kids is more lifestye change than from 1 to 2.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 18:27     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes. When DH and I sat down to figure out if we wanted a 2nd kid (we were both on the fence) we basically decided the life we could give DS as an only was better than if we had 2 kids. And we've never regretted our decision. DS has had a lot of opportunities that wouldn't have been possible if we had another child.


I truly don’t want to be mean bc I respect everyone’s decision. But did you ever consider the opinion of your kid or any kid? If you asked a kid would they have rather have had whatever it was you could give him or her as an only (vacation, school, etc) or give them a sibling, what do you think they would say now? Or say at age 20, 30 when we all start analyzing our childhood?

Maybe he or she would say I’m glad I was an only so I got those things. But most only a I know want more than one kid bc they don’t want the childhood they had as an only.

Consider the other side.

Not PP, but I'm pretty damn fine with not consulting children with what to do with my body and my money.


Right. But the PP said she wanted to have one for the life they could give him. That’s assuming that life makes him/her happy. So if you’re saying that you’re doing it to make your child happy then I have to question the basic assumption that vacations/paid for college would make them happier than having a companion and someone to navigate life, aging parents, etc.

If you just said we had one bc this is what we want okay. But if you say we did it to make the kid happy then that is grounds for questioning that assumption.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 18:01     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes. When DH and I sat down to figure out if we wanted a 2nd kid (we were both on the fence) we basically decided the life we could give DS as an only was better than if we had 2 kids. And we've never regretted our decision. DS has had a lot of opportunities that wouldn't have been possible if we had another child.


I truly don’t want to be mean bc I respect everyone’s decision. But did you ever consider the opinion of your kid or any kid? If you asked a kid would they have rather have had whatever it was you could give him or her as an only (vacation, school, etc) or give them a sibling, what do you think they would say now? Or say at age 20, 30 when we all start analyzing our childhood?

Maybe he or she would say I’m glad I was an only so I got those things. But most only a I know want more than one kid bc they don’t want the childhood they had as an only.

Consider the other side.


Yup. That's my plan. Super nice vacations with just the one kid. And later, my oh so lonely only will give me a bunch of grand kids.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 17:32     Subject: Re:Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:Let’s say you have two children. The $$$ impact of going from having one child to two children is bigger than from two to three, three to four, four to five, etc. So if you didn’t engage in much calculating before going from one to two, it’s not logical to suddenly act differently before trying for a third.

Also, if you want more children and have financial concerns, moving to a lower-cost area is the most important move you can make, even if there’s a hit to your income. A bonus is that financial aid formulas provide negligible credit for high costs of living, but big credits for having multiple children attending simultaneously and for reduced incomes.


Actually, 2 to 3 usually involves an upgrade to a bigger car, if you don't have one already. That's another one for me and my husband. We have two paid of cars right now that we can probably keep for a long time. If we have a third child, we're going to need a minivan.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 16:42     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Money, time resources, I figure we're replacing ourselves population-wise versus overpopulating
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 16:16     Subject: Re:Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:I would consider my husband and I to be very well educated but we never considered the cost per child when we were in the baby phase. We both came from families with 3+ kids and having three just felt like the right thing to do. We stopped at three for reasons of age and careers, not for money. We did spend a lot of money on childcare and educations (one year it was $130,000 for colleges) but it was worth it. We certainly spent a lot more on our three children then we did on ourselves and it was very nice when the tuition checks ended as it felt like a huge raise!


You're very well educated but never considered that the cost of raising a child is prohibitive for some? I mean I guess if you can afford to pay $130k per year on college then money is not an issue for you so that's why it didn't cross your mind. But talk about clueless.....
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 13:14     Subject: Re:Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Let’s say you have two children. The $$$ impact of going from having one child to two children is bigger than from two to three, three to four, four to five, etc. So if you didn’t engage in much calculating before going from one to two, it’s not logical to suddenly act differently before trying for a third.

Also, if you want more children and have financial concerns, moving to a lower-cost area is the most important move you can make, even if there’s a hit to your income. A bonus is that financial aid formulas provide negligible credit for high costs of living, but big credits for having multiple children attending simultaneously and for reduced incomes.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 12:45     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
I'm happy not to spend money on a 4th child, but if we had the energy for another child, we would have just figured out the finances. We have a HHI of $275-300K depending on bonus. There's always places to cut when you're talking about the typical middle class family.

I certainly don't regret the money we've spent on having a third though either.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 11:14     Subject: Re:Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
I would consider my husband and I to be very well educated but we never considered the cost per child when we were in the baby phase. We both came from families with 3+ kids and having three just felt like the right thing to do. We stopped at three for reasons of age and careers, not for money. We did spend a lot of money on childcare and educations (one year it was $130,000 for colleges) but it was worth it. We certainly spent a lot more on our three children then we did on ourselves and it was very nice when the tuition checks ended as it felt like a huge raise!
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 09:24     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes. When DH and I sat down to figure out if we wanted a 2nd kid (we were both on the fence) we basically decided the life we could give DS as an only was better than if we had 2 kids. And we've never regretted our decision. DS has had a lot of opportunities that wouldn't have been possible if we had another child.


I truly don’t want to be mean bc I respect everyone’s decision. But did you ever consider the opinion of your kid or any kid? If you asked a kid would they have rather have had whatever it was you could give him or her as an only (vacation, school, etc) or give them a sibling, what do you think they would say now? Or say at age 20, 30 when we all start analyzing our childhood?

Maybe he or she would say I’m glad I was an only so I got those things. But most only a I know want more than one kid bc they don’t want the childhood they had as an only.

Consider the other side.

Not PP, but I'm pretty damn fine with not consulting children with what to do with my body and my money.