Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, wow I’m surprised you guys cared enough to revive this thread. An update, we didn’t go back to court (not yet anyway), but my stepdaughter is with us full time and has been since October. Her mom has a new boyfriend that she’s living with and my stepdaughter isn’t comfortable around him so we all thought it would be best for her to stay with us until her mom finds her own place. She sees her mom twice a month (their choice).

Glad you could work it out and she can stay with you.

+1 - sounds like the best situation for your stepdaughter. Good on you for helping to provide stability for her.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, wow I’m surprised you guys cared enough to revive this thread. An update, we didn’t go back to court (not yet anyway), but my stepdaughter is with us full time and has been since October. Her mom has a new boyfriend that she’s living with and my stepdaughter isn’t comfortable around him so we all thought it would be best for her to stay with us until her mom finds her own place. She sees her mom twice a month (their choice).

Glad you could work it out and she can stay with you.

Anonymous wrote:What your stepdaughter wants isn’t full custody, she just wants to spend the week at your place and visit mom on the weekends. Why don’t you try to work that out with her mother?

I would try to work this out.

OP here, wow I’m surprised you guys cared enough to revive this thread. An update, we didn’t go back to court (not yet anyway), but my stepdaughter is with us full time and has been since October. Her mom has a new boyfriend that she’s living with and my stepdaughter isn’t comfortable around him so we all thought it would be best for her to stay with us until her mom finds her own place. She sees her mom twice a month (their choice).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what way is she not stable? Is this just about moving and changing jobs? Is your step daughter changing schools all the time? If so why not just have her go to school based on your address and have her stay there even if the mom moves?

Or is she not stable in other ways?

She currently goes to a school in our neighborhood because like I said, her mom is constantly moving. We’re in Clarksburg and her mom moved to Manassas in October (and planning to move again as soon as she gets another job). There have been times when my stepdaughter missed school because her mom didn’t have gas money to get her there. My stepdaughter hates all the moving and actually wants to live with us full time and visit her mom on the weekends because with us she has her own room, a bed, and close to her friends. That’s why DH wants to pursue this.

She has a room and bed with her mom. You can help by driving her to school if she goes to your home school vs. mom's. You aren't going to get custody for that. There is no abuse or neglect and you can transfer to mom's home school so transportation is not an issue.

Way to put the needs of the child first.

"Larla, your mother can't be relied upon to provide transportation to school, so to make up for that, you need to change schools."

Larla your father and stepmother refuse to pay enough child support for transportation, so now they want to gain full custody.

Where is mom's responsibility to not get fired so she can afford to provide for her child?

Seriously, this. Many posters are overlooking the fact that Mom is having a hard time adulting. Dad pays a reasonable support and shouldn't just have to keep adding to it if Mom can't get her act together. The best interests of the child would be a stable home life, with Mom as available as she wants to be, without being shamed for it. Maybe she needs more schooling, maybe she needs to find her footing, maybe those things will never happen. But DD should know where she's living/going to school/activities without worrying about moving so often, sketchy room mate situations and the like. OP sounds like a caring and considerate SM; bio mom should feel fortunate to have her child so loved.

Anonymous wrote:My husband currently shares custody (50/50) of his 11 year old with his ex wife. His ex isn't stable as shes always between jobs and constantly moving. DH is considering trying to sue for full custody as he wants his daughter to be in a stable environment. What are the chances that a judge will rule in his favor?

Unless there is serious neglect or abuse, he won't get full custody.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen on a thread where a dad can't get his kid to school on time, can't hold a job, can't hold stable housing, that the answer is that the woman should give him the money to cover his expenses, give him child support money (and increase it), provide him with transportation and housing, and change the child's school to be closer to dad who moves all the time.

You all are crazy.

OP, is just saying Mom has trouble with gas/getting to school. Rather than a custody grab, you help. Stepmom is probably alienating child and bribing her so that her home is better so they can get out of paying child support/helping. She wants to pretend they are one big happy family and cut mom out (and, I'd say that if the situation were reversed). They live in the same area. No reason stepmom or dad cannot help get the child to school and help with what they need at her house. As a stepmom I fully supplied the clothing at Mom's house. I wasn't going to let a child go without.

Clarksburg and Manassas aren’t in the same area. Our jobs and our kid’s daycare are in our area. We don’t know that she misses school when she’s with her mom unless the school or teacher informs us. She tells us when it’s too late that she didn’t have gas money or her had some car issue. I’m not bribing her, this custody idea was DH’s not mine because he wants his daughter in a stable environment.

I don't think I've seen this addressed, but is the moving also causing the child to have to move schools? How many different schools has she been in?

Another poster had a good list of things to document - how long they've lived in each place, when they haven't had housing (i.e. - couch surfing), etc.

At the end of the day, I'd talk to a lawyer and start applying pressure to mom. An 11 year old deserves to have a stable home if there's one available. Mom needs to understand this. And it's not about her being poor.

She changed schools twice when she was in second grade due to her mom moving. That was when her mom and my husband decided it was best for her to go to school in our neighborhood.

If he choose his neighborhood school, he should help with transportation more. Simple solution.

Good Lord. HE didn't choose, the PARENTS chose. As in, mom agreed to it because she realized that her living situation meant the kid had to keep changing schools. It should go without saying that mom should be getting the kid to school on the days the kid is with her.

Anonymous wrote:Offer you get Monday after school through Friday evening and she gets Friday afternoon through Monday morning. She drops off Monday morning and you drop off Friday evening. That gives you both the same time share, each one of you does one round trip saving her gas and makes things more equal. If she has to do VA to MD plus back and work, that is a tuff commute and costly.

This sounds good except mom should pick up kid from school Friday as well as drop off on Monday.

Anonymous wrote:The issue is she cannot afford housing. You don't take a child away from their mother and 50/50 over housing and transportation. She lives near you. You step up and drive her.

Clarksburge and Manassas at rush hour are a couple hours apart.

Anonymous wrote:My husband currently shares custody (50/50) of his 11 year old with his ex wife. His ex isn't stable as shes always between jobs and constantly moving. DH is considering trying to sue for full custody as he wants his daughter to be in a stable environment. What are the chances that a judge will rule in his favor?

How about he tries helping his ex a bit financially for the sake of the child? Otherwise sounds like rich taking advantage of poor.

Anonymous wrote:I think you could make a pretty strong case that she should be with you during the week, especially if you document the times she's missed school because her mother couldn't get her there. Maybe make sure the mom has visitation every other weekend and maybe more time in the summers?

I feel kind of bad for the mom that she can't get her sh*t together, but at the same time, kids need consistency. If my ex couldn't get our kid to school consistently, I'd file to have our custody changed so she was with me during the week.

Mom should get every weekend as she has 50/50 custody. There is no abuse. You don't take a child away from their parent.