I hate to cook. I’m a sahm. But don’t mind cleaning. I have cleaning help but no food help. It’s easier to find someone to clean than cook for you.

Anonymous wrote:NP. So what I've noticed is a lot of women saying their husbands work SUCH demanding "high powered" jobs (hate that phrase btw, it sounds really stupid) that they cannot be expected to ever take a kid sick day, snow day, or lift a finger at home.

I find this hard to believe because even though my husband is in a well paid profession (finance - he makes around 850k now), as he's gotten more senior, his hours have *really* scaled back. A lot of it has to do with better technology but also being able to delegate certain bitch work tasks. He's home by 6 every night, minimal travel, and flexible hours. Today he's leaving at 9 to take one of our kids to the doctor because I have an appointment elsewhere.

I'm 38, he's 39 so we're around the age as most people on here who have kids.

It really depends on the job. Finance is a more normal job. It’s not like being a doctor at a hospital. My husband travels a lot. He’s very senior but people want him not people underneath him in person in different juridictions nationwide. Technology works only for certain sectors. Yes there are times he’s done depositions by phone but not all things can be done that way. Obviously emergencies he has flexibility with seniority but not everyday kid drop offs. We can scale back but we have to budget ourselves so we don’t. He can delegate but he still has to travel so no he can’t just be home at 6pm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our parents in many cases worked fewer hours, had shorter commutes, and more family help. They were probably in better shape too, so more energetic.

Oh yeah, AND parenting is much more involved. The culture is to spend more quality time with your kids playing and reading and taking them to activities. Rather than brushing them off so you can clean.

Another point I wanted to mention is that it seems A LOT more parental involvement is required in schools. I went to school in the 90s and early 2000s and my parents were rarely involved in my homework. My kids are still young, but every friend or relative I speak to who has school-aged kids is way more involved than mine were. It can't all be a coincidence? I think the lack of textbooks and proper curriculums is really screwing up education, and parents are effectively having to homeschool their kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our parents in many cases worked fewer hours, had shorter commutes, and more family help. They were probably in better shape too, so more energetic.

So shorten your commute and get in shape if that’s preventing you from washing a dish. This isn’t rocket science.

You're an idiot. I was speaking generally about our generation. And as a PP pointed out, we are older parents too (can't afford to have them as young).

The solution is to pay a lot of money. However, I can't do that. I don't have that type of money. We used to have a cleaning lady every other week. But with number 3 on the way and daycare fo number 2? Um no.

I embrace fairly low standards, but certainly respectable. And I'm teaching my older child to do basic chores. I wish I had started earlier, but he's doing ok catching up. Tomorrow, he'll scrub out the (somewhat gross) tub and brush the toilet. I'll probably do the second round, as he's not particularly thorough, but it will be good enough.

Clean for an hour after the kids go to bed. No, don't think I will. But I find that if I play with my toddler for 10 minutes, she can entertain herself while I do basic housework tasks. I get it done when they're awake and not many other times unless I have a spare hour or so alone at home.

Parents are too damn hard on themselves. And work is getting more and more insane. I only work about 40 hours a week, which is a full-time job. This nonsense about 50+ hours just shows how anti-human our society has become.

We start putting kids to bed by 7, sometimes done by 7:30 and sometimes 8. Our day starts around 7. I think it is normal after having worked 12 hours between work/family duties to want to wind down for a few hours before bed. Not to feel like you are on a hamster wheel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People. The OP said it's not a problem to hire things out. She said it's a problem if YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT THE MONEY TO HIRE THINGS OUT.

There's a difference. If you're going to be cheap and complain about money, do it your damn self.

She complained about both. She basically defined invisible labor.

"It's not hard work, so don't complain about it. But if you have to hire someone to do it, pay them a lot, because it is hard work."
The only one who never gets any acknowledgement that this sh*t is hard is the women who do it for their families. And don't fool yourselves that this didn't happen to your mothers too.

No the point is, no one wants to do your bitch work if you’re not going to pay well. Not exactly rocket science. Shrug.

And everyone’s got bitch work so no point complaining.

Women have a disproportionate share of this work (I won’t use your misogynistic term) and that is why they “whine” about it.

I grew up one of four kids. All of us had chores. Laundry, cooking, yard work and cleaning our rooms. We were not allowed to complain.

My own kids do far less and I regret not teaching them these skill earlier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People. The OP said it's not a problem to hire things out. She said it's a problem if YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT THE MONEY TO HIRE THINGS OUT.

There's a difference. If you're going to be cheap and complain about money, do it your damn self.

She complained about both. She basically defined invisible labor.

"It's not hard work, so don't complain about it. But if you have to hire someone to do it, pay them a lot, because it is hard work."
The only one who never gets any acknowledgement that this sh*t is hard is the women who do it for their families. And don't fool yourselves that this didn't happen to your mothers too.

No the point is, no one wants to do your bitch work if you’re not going to pay well. Not exactly rocket science. Shrug.

And everyone’s got bitch work so no point complaining.

Anonymous wrote:Our parents in many cases worked fewer hours, had shorter commutes, and more family help. They were probably in better shape too, so more energetic.

This.
My parents had 4 of us and both worked. But my mom worked three days a week (had no clue as a kid this was the case) and both of their commutes were MAYBE 20 minutes one way? I'm gone 11 hours a day 5 days a week. Cleaning, meal prep, childcare, working out (ha!), finishing up work at home, etc all have to be done in about 4 hours at night. No wonder people want a little help. And if they can afford to pay well for it, what does it matter to anyone else?
It's apples and oranges.
And it's not a "millennial" thing.

OP, I'm finding your post a little judgmental and shaming. Can you really not understand why many people for a variety of reasons may not feel that they have enough money/time/energy to adequately cover life's many responsibilities and thus might "complain" about that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha! I only work part time and I think it’s hard to keep up with this stuff. It’s mostly because I don’t like doing housework or cooking. Duh. But thanks for making it look easy! You are a gem!

Some people do like to cook. But do you think anyone likes to clean? NO.

They do it anyway because it needs to be done and they don't complain about it because they're adults with self control.

Meh. I’ll do it when I feel like it. It is not a priority for me.

When we all die, no one is getting a ribbon in heaven for how many socks we folded without complaint. I'd like to live a little and enjoy life and my family while I'm here as much as possible, and I'm also an adult with self-control.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha! I only work part time and I think it’s hard to keep up with this stuff. It’s mostly because I don’t like doing housework or cooking. Duh. But thanks for making it look easy! You are a gem!

Some people do like to cook. But do you think anyone likes to clean? NO.

They do it anyway because it needs to be done and they don't complain about it because they're adults with self control.

Meh. I’ll do it when I feel like it. It is not a priority for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. So what I've noticed is a lot of women saying their husbands work SUCH demanding "high powered" jobs (hate that phrase btw, it sounds really stupid) that they cannot be expected to ever take a kid sick day, snow day, or lift a finger at home.

I find this hard to believe because even though my husband is in a well paid profession (finance - he makes around 850k now), as he's gotten more senior, his hours have *really* scaled back. A lot of it has to do with better technology but also being able to delegate certain bitch work tasks. He's home by 6 every night, minimal travel, and flexible hours. Today he's leaving at 9 to take one of our kids to the doctor because I have an appointment elsewhere.

I'm 38, he's 39 so we're around the age as most people on here who have kids.

Not everyone's careers equal less hours the more senior they are in their organizations. People who make way more than your husband work less and some people who work way more than your husband work earn less. I agree 'high powered' is such a stupid phrase. Power is healing people, teaching people, helping people, etc..., in my view.

Yes. Based on salary and prestige, I've worked a "low powered" government job for many years with exceedingly high expectations and demands.

Anonymous wrote:NP. So what I've noticed is a lot of women saying their husbands work SUCH demanding "high powered" jobs (hate that phrase btw, it sounds really stupid) that they cannot be expected to ever take a kid sick day, snow day, or lift a finger at home.

I find this hard to believe because even though my husband is in a well paid profession (finance - he makes around 850k now), as he's gotten more senior, his hours have *really* scaled back. A lot of it has to do with better technology but also being able to delegate certain bitch work tasks. He's home by 6 every night, minimal travel, and flexible hours. Today he's leaving at 9 to take one of our kids to the doctor because I have an appointment elsewhere.

I'm 38, he's 39 so we're around the age as most people on here who have kids.

Not everyone's careers equal less hours the more senior they are in their organizations. People who make way more than your husband work less and some people who work way more than your husband work earn less. I agree 'high powered' is such a stupid phrase. Power is healing people, teaching people, helping people, etc..., in my view.