Anonymous wrote:I feel like if you don’t like being around other races, the USA is not for you. Insularity is not a good look on anyone.

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Why does this have to be anything cultural. I'm american and I do not allow my children to be driven by others or to sleep over. That is our family decision and it has nothing to do with any other parent. There are a select few family members who we feel comfortable driving our children. Why do you feel entitled to an explanation or to drive her child anywhere?

Because I let her drive my child?

I don’t feel like we are at acquaintance level. We’ve known each other for years. Go to playdates, kids birthday parties, I visited her in a hospital when she was sick. I invited them to join our sports team and because of this I see them every week. Otherwise, I don’t see them often as they have numerous Indian parties to attend on weekends.

If this is OP, you are not getting it. You pushed the relationship she went along. But you are not an insider.

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Anonymous wrote:
Why does this have to be anything cultural. I'm american and I do not allow my children to be driven by others or to sleep over. That is our family decision and it has nothing to do with any other parent. There are a select few family members who we feel comfortable driving our children. Why do you feel entitled to an explanation or to drive her child anywhere?

Because I let her drive my child?

I don’t feel like we are at acquaintance level. We’ve known each other for years. Go to playdates, kids birthday parties, I visited her in a hospital when she was sick. I invited them to join our sports team and because of this I see them every week. Otherwise, I don’t see them often as they have numerous Indian parties to attend on weekends.

Anonymous wrote: Why are so many of you devastated that a minority mom does not want their children to be host by you? Minorities have to constantly be in white spaces. Sometimes we just want a break from you. We do not want to constantly entertain you or your children. We do that at work and at school all day long. I can guarantee you that every brown and black person will have to agree that is it sometimes refreshing to not have to always be in white spaces all the time. People just want to be around like minded families and that is okay. It is okay for individuals to spend their free time around those who understand them and their culture.

I swear, white fragility is beyond exhausting. Folks claim that they want to maintain cultural ties with people within their community, but fragile white women are hurt by this. The audacity of white privileged which thinks that the OP's friend is obliged to submit to her every whim.

Respect people's cultures and their comfort level. The passive aggressiveness and your blinded white privileged makes many minority moms uncomfortable. Some of the posts in this thread just solidifies to me the arrogance and sense of entitlement that some people have. No, it is not your right to expect or dictate how another mom chooses to raise their child. Different moms have different comfort levels and that is perfectly fine.

Some of you lack cultural sensitivity and awareness. This is what many minority moms fear about having you host our children. You can not hide your veiled racism and cultural bigotry from us. Think about your interactions with minority moms on a daily basis. Some of the same folks here whining are probably so blinded by their mistreatment of minority moms.

Anonymous wrote: Why are so many of you devastated that a minority mom does not want their children to be host by you? Minorities have to constantly be in white spaces. Sometimes we just want a break from you. We do not want to constantly entertain you or your children. We do that at work and at school all day long. I can guarantee you that every brown and black person will have to agree that is it sometimes refreshing to not have to always be in white spaces all the time. People just want to be around like minded families and that is okay. It is okay for individuals to spend their free time around those who understand them and their culture.

I swear, white fragility is beyond exhausting. Folks claim that they want to maintain cultural ties with people within their community, but fragile white women are hurt by this. The audacity of white privileged which thinks that the OP's friend is obliged to submit to her every whim.

Respect people's cultures and their comfort level. The passive aggressiveness and your blinded white privileged makes many minority moms uncomfortable. Some of the posts in this thread just solidifies to me the arrogance and sense of entitlement that some people have. No, it is not your right to expect or dictate how another mom chooses to raise their child. Different moms have different comfort levels and that is perfectly fine.

Some of you lack cultural sensitivity and awareness. This is what many minority moms fear about having you host our children. You can not hide your veiled racism and cultural bigotry from us. Think about your interactions with minority moms on a daily basis. Some of the same folks here whining are probably so blinded by their mistreatment of minority moms.

Anonymous wrote:
Pp here. My kids are much younger than Op. I have a long time before they are in high school. But no. Let’s not be silly. High school and elementary are two different animals.

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This was my mom (not Indian but from a European country). I was never allowed to go anywhere with other parents or my friends houses unless she knew the family extremely well. Especially not if they had brothers/dads/uncles around. Sleepovers, until high school, were with only 2 trusted families. It isn’t anything personal OP.

So basically it comes down to a trust issues. If you don’t trust your child to be alone with me, then are we really friends?

Yep. This is what I ended up concluding after a long period of frustration. The friendship was not what I thought.

I think cultural causing the mistrust. It's not going to change, nurture the kids friendship, but don't expect your friendship to deepen with the clash/annoyances. I tend to gravitate towards like-minded friendships.

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Anonymous wrote:We have friends, our kids are the same age and we have known each other since they were babies.

The family is Indian and they spend most if their weekends exchanging social obligations with their Indian relatives and friends and attending weddings and engagement parties or hosting guests. So we haven’t seen much of each other. We always go to each other’s kids birthday parties and have a play date here and there.

since last year our kids are in the same school, the same class and they do the same sport after school. The kids are bffs.

I have offered to take her kid to the sport after school but she never agrees. She would rather have her kid skip practice than allow me to drive her there. She won’t let me drive her kid a block to her house even when she’s very busy. She never allows her kid to come for a sleepover or play date alone.

Today our kids were going to an activity and her DD was begging her in front if us to let her come to our house before the event and drive with us. She said no.

She is OK about going together to public place
s like a zoo or museum. She has taken my DD alone with them a couple of times but she never lets me do it.

I don’t understand this. Does it mean she doesn’t trust me as a driver? Does she not trust my family to take care of her daughter?

Why does this have to be anything cultural. I'm american and I do not allow my children to be driven by others or to sleep over. That is our family decision and it has nothing to do with any other parent. There are a select few family members who we feel comfortable driving our children. Why do you feel entitled to an explanation or to drive her child anywhere?

I agree. Another American here that does the same. I also prefer not driving or hosting other kids in my home without the parent. Too risky and I make no apologies.

So what are going to do when your child gets older? When they’re in high school never let them go to friends house without you?

Anonymous wrote:It is cultural. You may be a nice person, but you are not someone that she will trust with her child. I am the same way.

I am very reluctant to trust people outside of my culture. Truth be told most immigrant women do not trust American women no matter how nice you appear to be. Many immigrant women tend to be conservative. We take threat to many of the loose and liberal parental styles that some Americans practice.

Also, what is okay or normal in your culture may be offensive in your friend's culture.

Please do not take it personal. It is cultural and you will never understand our ways. Just focus on the children's friendships without being overbearing. Do not be pushy or create unnecessary drama. You have no idea how difficult it is to trust someone with your most prized possession your child.