Anonymous wrote:Seriously, you guys don’t think this is a troll?

I don’t. My mom is exactly like this. My step brother and sisters can’t stand her.

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, you guys don’t think this is a troll?

No. Step moms are the worst. They are interlopers on a family units trying to put their options all over a family event. She is not related to anybody in the story, she is the outsider.

You live in his house not the other way around.

No wonder he moved back into his moms house.

Anonymous wrote:I guess your DH didn't raise him right.

+1

Seriously, you guys don’t think this is a troll?

StepMom keeps posting and opining on this thread. What a grinch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is the chalk line that infers it's not the OP'S place??? Since this young adult is of age to lead his own life he can also be addressed about his poor manners. Yes , adults DO still openly correct social faux pas that deserve a reset. This young man needs to hear it from someone!

Op ...as an adult myself...please do society a favor and correct this young man on his thoughtlessness.

Agree! Well done, OP!

Except she is not an expert on correct behavior, she was actually very rude. She needs to learn her.place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As step-mom, it’s not your place to say anything, especially if you never provided him parental care as a child. MYOB.

B.S. If someone came up to her DH in a store and intentionally hit him with a cart, should she stand off to the side and say nothing? If someone hurts someone I love, I got their back. Watching this selfish guy treat his father, sister and grandparents with disdain is hurtful.

What some of you people don't seem to get is that NOT ALL ADULTS BUY OTHER GROWN-ASS ADULTS PRESENTS FOR CHRISTMAS. If you want to get other adults presents for Christmas, do so, and enjoy. Some of us don't feel like celebrating a religious holiday with secular materialism. Some of us think the Santa side of Christmas really is just for kids, too.

I'll really blow your mind when I let you in on the secret that some of us also think celebrating non-milestone birthdays with lots of gifts, cakes, parties, etc. past the age of about 25 or so is also moronic.

Where did EITHER of these comments mention GIFTS? So jump off your soap box. The whole point is SS is being hurtful to his family. He doesn't have to buy stuff - even if he told grandparents he was taking them out for a movie or for a walk in a park as a gift, they'd be thrilled.

We don’t know that Dad or grandparents care. They may be thrilled that grandson calls every week. Or they may know what he was like when he was young and are thrilled at how much he has improved.

All we know is that step-mom is judgy, doesn’t like the son, and wants to start conflict.

No, we don't know that. So you just judged the SM by attributing all kinds of actions/emotions to her without knowing background FACTS. Maybe you are also a stepchild and are projecting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s weird for a 26 yo to buy a step mom a present.

What is your age difference?

Do you work?

You’re not even related to him. Grandparents don’t get gifts in our
House either.

NP.
Is that really weird?? When I was 26, I always gave my stepfather a gift. It would have been odd if I excluded him!

I get what OP is saying. However, she was rude to bring it up the way she did.
Nonetheless, there is age where you cross over into “reciprocity.” And that definitely happens at 26!

It's weird unless he is raised you.

Every family does gifts differently, so I’m not going to engage in the “well, this is how WE do it” crap. But OP’s family all seem to find it weird that this man-child doesn’t bring gifts. For some reason, nobody ever taught him about the expectation of gift-giving in THIS family. His sister got the message. He’s probably just very self-absorbed and didn’t get the hint. He needs a blatant talk. I don’t agree with how and when OP did it. A pre-Christmas talk from his father would’ve been more appropriate. But it’s done now. See how it goes next year.

Now, he IS a adult and is also free to decide he just doesn’t want to join in this family’s style of gift giving. He may be thinking like many if you, that he shouldn’t have to buy for older relatives, even parents. He’s free to make that decision and his relatives are free to adjust their gift-giving accordingly, or not.

Personally I would buy my adult child one gift only, and I absolutely would tell them “Come help me in the kitchen” when I need help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All he wants for Christmas is his real family.

Yep. The boy just wants his Mommy and Daddy together forever. And who is this evil stepmother who dares to interlope like she has some sort of reason to even be there? And DARES to say anything "mean" to him! Oh the horror -- a 26-year old's precious ears should NEVER hear criticism.

OK stepMonster (as my dear friend called her stepMumsy), take a breath, have a drink. It’s obvious you are a shi$stirrer. Own it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As step-mom, it’s not your place to say anything, especially if you never provided him parental care as a child. MYOB.

B.S. If someone came up to her DH in a store and intentionally hit him with a cart, should she stand off to the side and say nothing? If someone hurts someone I love, I got their back. Watching this selfish guy treat his father, sister and grandparents with disdain is hurtful.

What some of you people don't seem to get is that NOT ALL ADULTS BUY OTHER GROWN-ASS ADULTS PRESENTS FOR CHRISTMAS. If you want to get other adults presents for Christmas, do so, and enjoy. Some of us don't feel like celebrating a religious holiday with secular materialism. Some of us think the Santa side of Christmas really is just for kids, too.

I'll really blow your mind when I let you in on the secret that some of us also think celebrating non-milestone birthdays with lots of gifts, cakes, parties, etc. past the age of about 25 or so is also moronic.

Where did EITHER of these comments mention GIFTS? So jump off your soap box. The whole point is SS is being hurtful to his family. He doesn't have to buy stuff - even if he told grandparents he was taking them out for a movie or for a walk in a park as a gift, they'd be thrilled.

It literally says gift in the thread title. OP is clearly referring to physical gifts.

Then don't quote two comments that DON'T refer to gifts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get your point, but you went about it the wrong way. Rather than saying something to him in advance of the get-together so he would have an opportunity to go buy something and try to do it right, you set him up by waiting until the event and then shaming him for it when he has no opportunity left to course-correct. You weren’t looking to get a different outcome this year, you just wanted to make him feel like shit. And now that’s what he thinks you are. Congrats.

Yup.

Yes. The way children learn to buy gifts for others is that someone takes them shopping to do it. No one cared enough to do that for this boys (and you would have been the perfect person, OP, since you place such high value on receiving yourself) and probably even at some point told him "not to worry about it" so they/he wouldn't feel bad.

Also, it's clear how much you dislike him from your post, so it must be apparent to everyone else as well. That is probably why your DH is so resistant to your feedback about him...he's not sure what the motivation is. Anyway, as others have said if you can't get over it then next year do a name swap or something.

Next year way in advance of Christmas you talk to your DH and remind him that his son is now 27 - not 7 - and he no longer needs a big carnival Christmas. Ask your DH if he at that age was expecting that kind of show from his parents. Don’t say it meanly.

Then suggest smaller token type gifts that you all can exchange with him. Like candy or small gift cards. Just 2 gifts or so.

Then also suggest that at 27 he should be buying for his grandparents a small token gift as well since it’s the right thing for an adult to do.

As far as the girlfriend, she might genuinely not know. I didn’t know what a hostess gift was until we’ll into college bc my parents didn’t entertain or even go out much so I never knew of the practice. A friend had to tell me about it in college so it’s entirely possible she doesn’t know to bring gifts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As step-mom, it’s not your place to say anything, especially if you never provided him parental care as a child. MYOB.

B.S. If someone came up to her DH in a store and intentionally hit him with a cart, should she stand off to the side and say nothing? If someone hurts someone I love, I got their back. Watching this selfish guy treat his father, sister and grandparents with disdain is hurtful.

What some of you people don't seem to get is that NOT ALL ADULTS BUY OTHER GROWN-ASS ADULTS PRESENTS FOR CHRISTMAS. If you want to get other adults presents for Christmas, do so, and enjoy. Some of us don't feel like celebrating a religious holiday with secular materialism. Some of us think the Santa side of Christmas really is just for kids, too.

I'll really blow your mind when I let you in on the secret that some of us also think celebrating non-milestone birthdays with lots of gifts, cakes, parties, etc. past the age of about 25 or so is also moronic.

Where did EITHER of these comments mention GIFTS? So jump off your soap box. The whole point is SS is being hurtful to his family. He doesn't have to buy stuff - even if he told grandparents he was taking them out for a movie or for a walk in a park as a gift, they'd be thrilled.

It literally says gift in the thread title. OP is clearly referring to physical gifts.