Anonymous wrote:My advice: come to terms with the fact that you’re not so great either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Mine is a "fake" loving: loving only when other people are around. Once it's quiet, he would rather watch junk TV and eat junk alone than spend time with me. (no cuddling in bed/laying down together(he decided to sleep in separate bedrooms), no kissing, pretty much nothing other than maintenance sex once in a while to keep me "content").

Mine has plenty of great attributes in almost every other area.

If we cannot fix this, we will divorce. My children will probably suffer(he is a great dad) but I would not advise them to stay in this kind of marriage. I had a great dad, but my mom was very unhappy and I could feel it. I hated it, and when I was around 10, I wrote my parents an anonymous letter asking them to divorce.

Recently my younger kid walked into the bedroom while my DH was on the bed and she was surprised to see him there. Imagine a child being surprised to find both of her parents on the same bed. My heart sank, and I decided things will change or we will divorce.

And no, he was not always like this. We used to cuddle and kiss a lot when we were dating. His excuse is that he is an introvert and tired from parenting/work. Well, everyone has these problems yet they find time to connect with their spouses.

My excuse is that I have been too empathetic towards him, making excuses for his "uncaring" behavior at every stop (it's pretty confusing because he is very caring in general). Maybe he is gay, maybe he is no longer in love with me/attracted to me. Whatever the reason is, the situation is not sustainable. If time away from me is what he wants, he can get all that time he wants when we divorce.

Why don’t you look inside before you act. I bet your husband would echo a lot of these comments about you.

Anonymous wrote: If I could do it all again I would have held out for closer to the total package.

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Mine is a "fake" loving: loving only when other people are around. Once it's quiet, he would rather watch junk TV and eat junk alone than spend time with me. (no cuddling in bed/laying down together(he decided to sleep in separate bedrooms), no kissing, pretty much nothing other than maintenance sex once in a while to keep me "content").

Mine has plenty of great attributes in almost every other area.

If we cannot fix this, we will divorce. My children will probably suffer(he is a great dad) but I would not advise them to stay in this kind of marriage. I had a great dad, but my mom was very unhappy and I could feel it. I hated it, and when I was around 10, I wrote my parents an anonymous letter asking them to divorce.

Recently my younger kid walked into the bedroom while my DH was on the bed and she was surprised to see him there. Imagine a child being surprised to find both of her parents on the same bed. My heart sank, and I decided things will change or we will divorce.

And no, he was not always like this. We used to cuddle and kiss a lot when we were dating. His excuse is that he is an introvert and tired from parenting/work. Well, everyone has these problems yet they find time to connect with their spouses.

My excuse is that I have been too empathetic towards him, making excuses for his "uncaring" behavior at every stop (it's pretty confusing because he is very caring in general). Maybe he is gay, maybe he is no longer in love with me/attracted to me. Whatever the reason is, the situation is not sustainable. If time away from me is what he wants, he can get all that time he wants when we divorce.

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Mine is a "fake" loving: loving only when other people are around. Once it's quiet, he would rather watch junk TV and eat junk alone than spend time with me. (no cuddling in bed/laying down together(he decided to sleep in separate bedrooms), no kissing, pretty much nothing other than maintenance sex once in a while to keep me "content").

Mine has plenty of great attributes in almost every other area.

If we cannot fix this, we will divorce. My children will probably suffer(he is a great dad) but I would not advise them to stay in this kind of marriage. I had a great dad, but my mom was very unhappy and I could feel it. I hated it, and when I was around 10, I wrote my parents an anonymous letter asking them to divorce.

Recently my younger kid walked into the bedroom while my DH was on the bed and she was surprised to see him there. Imagine a child being surprised to find both of her parents on the same bed. My heart sank, and I decided things will change or we will divorce.

And no, he was not always like this. We used to cuddle and kiss a lot when we were dating. His excuse is that he is an introvert and tired from parenting/work. Well, everyone has these problems yet they find time to connect with their spouses.

My excuse is that I have been too empathetic towards him, making excuses for his "uncaring" behavior at every stop (it's pretty confusing because he is very caring in general). Maybe he is gay, maybe he is no longer in love with me/attracted to me. Whatever the reason is, the situation is not sustainable. If time away from me is what he wants, he can get all that time he wants when we divorce.

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Sounds like a mid-life crisis to me. You are blaming your unhappiness on your husband's imagined shortcomings, but it's actually just you.

Anonymous wrote:The post about "would you do it all again?" makes me sad. NO I would not do it all again with my spouse. I picked him because of some of his great qualities that I really value in a marriage, but the list of things I feel like I am missing out on in the marriage regularly makes me feel hollow and sad. If I could do it all again I would have held out for closer to the total package. For a long time I tried to convince myself if I had waited longer I might have ended up with nothing (true) but lately I am certain I would take the gamble if I could go back.

Nevertheless here I am. Divorce would seem ridiculous to our family and friends and it would be financially destructive despite the fact that we both make pretty good money. How can I learn to appreciate my husband's good qualities without obsessing about what I feel is missing? Has anyone here succeeded in changing their attitude to become more content in their marriage?

If you need some examples my gripes are that spouse is not sexual enough, kind of boring, and doesn't initiate many things in our life together. He is also not ambitious enough for my taste and in many ways I feel like I am the "man" in the relationship.

His positives are that he is a great listener, very handsome, loving and affectionate. He is also smart and funny.

I know I sound super shallow and awful writing this but I sometimes really crave being with someone who takes initiative so I can relax and feel like a woman.

Please don't be mean and only reply if you have good advice for me.