Some people just cannot stop, cannot be satisfied, this is sad...

Anonymous wrote:This thread is from 2009.

So what? The theme is universal.

This thread is from 2009.

I felt exactly as you do, OP, about expanding our family. We did expand because I insisted on it, and my H is so easy-going that he eventually relented. (This was not a good or healthy dynamic, and I am not proud of how pushy I was.)

Looking back, my H was right. We should have stopped at 2.

I have my third, who has special needs, and the impact on our family had been enormous. The impact on our two other children will be lifelong.

OP, as a thought exercise, what if birth control meant periodic abstinence?

I say this as someone who is open to life, and whose only recourse (under grave circumstances) would be FAM. One of the reasons FAM brings couples closer together is because it requires mutual sacrifice and lots of communication.

Sex means bonding and babies. What if you told your husband that you would respect his wishes, but hope he would respect yours. Since a baby can result from sex during a fertile time, you are no longer available during times of potential fertility. When he makes love to you, you want him to make love to ALL of you, which includes your natural, healthy fertility.

Your charting can help you learn a great deal about your body, and might make your husband appreciate how awesome sex really can be--your love for each other can lead to a new PERSON.

Babies are not possessions, acquisitions, trophies, playthings, pets, additions. They are unique, priceless persons, gifts. I hope you both grow closer together through this time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is why everyone cautions that you should just go with what he wants otherwise he will be resentful bla bla bla - what about you? How is this a compromise at all? What if you end up with a life of resentment on your side, from not having a third?

It's a compromise because the ALREADY have TWO children. I'm with most pps here. If your DH feels strongly that he doesn't want more then you should respect that. You ALREADY have two kids.

My best friend is in the same situation but it's her husband that wants a third, but he is willing to accept the fact that she wants to stick with two. She wants to start her career, an art practice and maybe go to graduate school. Having a a third would put all that off or prevent it from happening at all, and the thought of having another one really makes her anxious and depressed. I think it's unfair that her husband is even pressuring her to have a third.

Think about it in those terms. Maybe your husband feels like he's done his time with newborn - toddlerhood and wants to enjoy activities that having older kids will allow him. It's unfair to pressure him into doing something he really really doesn't want to do just because YOU think he would love it if there were a third baby.

Sorry, but there is no symmetry here. It's not the same whether the husband or the wife wants the extra child. If there is a draw, the woman's preferences should tip the scale. This is not only because mothers in most cases invest more, but also because woman's clock is ticking and man's clock, though ticking also but more slowly. So the man has many years to think through and reverse his decision and still have a biological child (with this some woman or another). The woman has not such option.

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is why everyone cautions that you should just go with what he wants otherwise he will be resentful bla bla bla - what about you? How is this a compromise at all? What if you end up with a life of resentment on your side, from not having a third?

It's a compromise because the ALREADY have TWO children. I'm with most pps here. If your DH feels strongly that he doesn't want more then you should respect that. You ALREADY have two kids.

My best friend is in the same situation but it's her husband that wants a third, but he is willing to accept the fact that she wants to stick with two. She wants to start her career, an art practice and maybe go to graduate school. Having a a third would put all that off or prevent it from happening at all, and the thought of having another one really makes her anxious and depressed. I think it's unfair that her husband is even pressuring her to have a third.

Think about it in those terms. Maybe your husband feels like he's done his time with newborn - toddlerhood and wants to enjoy activities that having older kids will allow him. It's unfair to pressure him into doing something he really really doesn't want to do just because YOU think he would love it if there were a third baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is why everyone cautions that you should just go with what he wants otherwise he will be resentful bla bla bla - what about you? How is this a compromise at all? What if you end up with a life of resentment on your side, from not having a third?

+1

+2

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is why everyone cautions that you should just go with what he wants otherwise he will be resentful bla bla bla - what about you? How is this a compromise at all? What if you end up with a life of resentment on your side, from not having a third?

+1

OP what happened here? Hope you persuaded yur husband and have news to share

Hi, just stumbled across this post, my first child has special needs, my 2nd doesn't and I am feeling broody for a third. Hubby is considering it so haven't pushed him into it. Hormones are powerful things, having to supress mine but we will see if hubby changes his mind. Wish you the best of luck if you go for a third, like you say special needs or not the child will b eloved and cared for and that in my opinion is THE most important thing.

Who ever said these urges are rational?

You want what you want. Biology is powerful.

How about putting these plans on hold for a year. 13 months. Give your husband this. Give your body the time to move past this hormonal phase.

Call it a period of readiness if you prefer. Take your prenatals, hit the gym. But, do not get pregnant.

Revisit in a year. 365 days hence.

Maybe the urge will have passed by then? Maybe your husband will be in a different place?

This isn't something you can convince someone to do.

Just remember that having another child isn't just having another baby.....it's having another person. We originally wanted 3 because we're both the youngest of 3 and then we had 1 and we were like "Uh.....let's have 2 and see how we feel." I'm now pregnant with the 2nd and I'm not 100% sure we won't have a 3rd, but I'm about 98%. My Mother told me to just not do anything "permanent" (tubes tied or my husband having a Vasectomy) for a few years in case I change my mind. I'm just not sure we can handle it. I see our Parents dealing with having 3 children NOW. I mean, there are more people, more spouses, more Grandchildren (although I don't think that's an issue for them.....they'd have 100 of those). It's always more and more. In some sense, having Adult children has some difficult things that people don't think about when their kids are young. There are still College bills from my school that they're paying off and I'm 31 and only got a Bachelor's Degree.

My MIL tells me that she thinks Parents are even more scruitinized now than they were when she had children and that having kids is much more difficult than it was. I don't know if that's true, but I'm inclined to believe her.

My Mother says she begged for me and she called me her "bonus" from my Father growing up. She tells everyone that the 3rd child is the easiest. Most people with 3 will tell you that. I think it's because they're so busy with the other 2 and the older ones help out and entertain the baby. My husband and I both felt that we were a little left aside by accident. Like, our activities were old by the time our Parents had been too 100 band concerts. We are both close with our Parents and love them and think they were good Parents, but we just don't know that we could handle it! I told my Dad that I'm going to write a book called "Daddy Didn't Want Me." The funny thing is that I act a lot like my Dad and I'm very close with him, but he still says that, although he's happy I'm here now and loves me, he still didn't want another one back in 1978!

The point is, you can't have another one if your husband isn't on board. I'm glad you're not planning to do it "accidentally" though since that would make him totally justified in divorcing you! I can't believe people suggest that. I actually have a friend who did it for her 1st child. Needless to say, her husband caught on and their marraige is not good.

I talked my husband into a 3rd, and he absolutely adores our little guy. He is an absolute joy & we can't imagine our family without him. No regrets whatsoever. He's funny, sweet, adorable, affectionate, easygoing & just so much fun to be around.

Our 3rd is 6yrs old now, so this was a while ago, and we're long past the baby stage, but it really wasn't that bad. Going from one to two was much harder than going from two to three. We have never, ever regretted the decision to have a 3rd. (We already had 2 kids of opposite genders so it was not to try for a different gender, I just really wanted another child.)

I'm saddened by all the nasty responses you got, OP, and I hope you and your DH have reached a decision with which you are both at peace.

OP is stunningly immature, please stop breeding.