Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I am puzzled by your ignorance about college education in the US.

The non-Ivy top ten schools like MIT, Stanford, Duke, and U of Chicago can provide better education and are as (or more) difficult to get in than some of the Ivies. I went to MIT and my sister attended Stanford - and we never even applied to an Ivy because both of us thought that these schools were a better fit for us. Luckily, we had parents who trusted us and cared about quality education!

You clearly didn't get the OP.

Her kid most likely applied to Chicago, but had a shot at SCEA schools which include Standard and MIT.

That’s not how OP framed it. It was Ivy versus a non-ivy 10-ten school. At any rate, Chicago is as good as Stanford in my book.

That's exactly how OP framed it. "Aiming slightly higher than a top 10 ED school" means SCEAs.

Please re-read the first post. The kid applied (and got accepted) ED to a top 10 school. The OP wished for “the ivy”.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I am puzzled by your ignorance about college education in the US.

The non-Ivy top ten schools like MIT, Stanford, Duke, and U of Chicago can provide better education and are as (or more) difficult to get in than some of the Ivies. I went to MIT and my sister attended Stanford - and we never even applied to an Ivy because both of us thought that these schools were a better fit for us. Luckily, we had parents who trusted us and cared about quality education!

You clearly didn't get the OP.

Her kid most likely applied to Chicago, but had a shot at SCEA schools which include Standard and MIT.

That’s not how OP framed it. It was Ivy versus a non-ivy 10-ten school. At any rate, Chicago is as good as Stanford in my book.

That's exactly how OP framed it. "Aiming slightly higher than a top 10 ED school" means SCEAs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I am puzzled by your ignorance about college education in the US.

The non-Ivy top ten schools like MIT, Stanford, Duke, and U of Chicago can provide better education and are as (or more) difficult to get in than some of the Ivies. I went to MIT and my sister attended Stanford - and we never even applied to an Ivy because both of us thought that these schools were a better fit for us. Luckily, we had parents who trusted us and cared about quality education!

You clearly didn't get the OP.

Her kid most likely applied to Chicago, but had a shot at SCEA schools which include Standard and MIT.

That’s not how OP framed it. It was Ivy versus a non-ivy 10-ten school. At any rate, Chicago is as good as Stanford in my book.

Based purely on raw stereotypes that probably aren't fair, a University of Chicago degree is really more impressive than a Harvard degree.

My gut reaction is that a lot of Harvard students are either like Dr. Smith on Lost in Space, or rich kids who are good at rowing boats, and that just about all University of Chicago students are genuinely brilliant, down-to-earth, hard-working people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I am puzzled by your ignorance about college education in the US.

The non-Ivy top ten schools like MIT, Stanford, Duke, and U of Chicago can provide better education and are as (or more) difficult to get in than some of the Ivies. I went to MIT and my sister attended Stanford - and we never even applied to an Ivy because both of us thought that these schools were a better fit for us. Luckily, we had parents who trusted us and cared about quality education!

You clearly didn't get the OP.

Her kid most likely applied to Chicago, but had a shot at SCEA schools which include Standard and MIT.

That’s not how OP framed it. It was Ivy versus a non-ivy 10-ten school. At any rate, Chicago is as good as Stanford in my book.

Anonymous wrote:OP: I am puzzled by your ignorance about college education in the US.

The non-Ivy top ten schools like MIT, Stanford, Duke, and U of Chicago can provide better education and are as (or more) difficult to get in than some of the Ivies. I went to MIT and my sister attended Stanford - and we never even applied to an Ivy because both of us thought that these schools were a better fit for us. Luckily, we had parents who trusted us and cared about quality education!

You clearly didn't get the OP.

Her kid most likely applied to Chicago, but had a shot at SCEA schools which include Standard and MIT.

Reading the article below and learning a lesson from it will slap you so hard that you will need no slapping for the rest of your life.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/27/style/modern-love-evicted-homeless-new-years-eve.html

Great that your child already listens to his or her own inner voice rather than going with impressing others. She or he will be much the happier for it.

Anonymous wrote:The slightly nicer reply: You're right. It's not about you. Parent the child you have, not the child you thought you'd have.

The nastier reply: If you'd prefer that your child be miserable at an Ivy so you can have bragging rights, rather than happy at the "top 10" school they'd rather attend, you're a terrible parent.

Where on Earth are you getting the idea that the kid would be miserable at the ivy? The kid only applied to the easier school to maximize his chances, not because it was the school he preferred?

You said you believed it would be a “wonderful culmination of your child’s hard work and sleepless nights.” How is this belief changed by the school she picked? Do you believe that her college choice is somehow *not* the wonderful culmination of her hard work? I think if you apply some critical thinking skills to your disappointment it will help you get over your sadness. Focus on the exceptional education she will receive and how well prepared she is for college. Focus on the great number of truly excellent colleges there are in this country, even beyond them top 10,’ and how many exceptional students are attending all of these schools. If you haven’t already read Frank Bruni’s book - I guarantee you will get a lift from it. My own DC rolled the dice and applied EA to an Ivy, giving up opportunities to apply ED to other top schools. DC got deferred and then didn’t get in but landed at a top 20 where they have thrived and will be able (I believe) to get into a similar top grad program. Celebrate your child’s considerable suceess!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child applied ED to a great school-top 10. Had the grades for an Ivy but, given the low acceptance rates, child decided to aim slightly lower. My belief is that ED is for your dream school and I encouraged child to apply to the ivy but child said they’d rather go for a really good school with a (albeit slightly) higher chance of getting in. They’re in now. I’m happy for them but I can’t rid myself of the disappointment though I haven’t shown it.
I know it’s not about me, child is happy with their choice, they will be fine.
Slap me out of this funk. If anyone can do it, DCUM can. It’s open season on the OP!

Go!

Only half of the ivys are top 10

But they are still Ivys. That is the point. You are either part of the club or you’re not. Nothing in between.

If people feel a little Ivy League pride: Totally understandable.

If people are really obsessing about going to an Ivy League school: That’s a symptom of some kind mental health problem.

There might be countries where going to specific schools is that big of a deal. In the United States, going to Harvard or Yale is nice but not really that big of a deal. I have relatives who’ve gone there, Brown and state flagship universities, and the ones who went to state universities ended up with much better rainmaking skills and have what, from a conventional perspective, look like better careers.

Okay. But, for a sliver of careers, such as investment banking, running for national political office, or becoming a Supreme Court Justice, graduating from an Ivy brings an edge. I would argue that founding a startup after an Ivy is easier also. Princeton has investment clubs that invest only in companies started by Princeton grads, for example.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child applied ED to a great school-top 10. Had the grades for an Ivy but, given the low acceptance rates, child decided to aim slightly lower. My belief is that ED is for your dream school and I encouraged child to apply to the ivy but child said they’d rather go for a really good school with a (albeit slightly) higher chance of getting in. They’re in now. I’m happy for them but I can’t rid myself of the disappointment though I haven’t shown it.
I know it’s not about me, child is happy with their choice, they will be fine.
Slap me out of this funk. If anyone can do it, DCUM can. It’s open season on the OP!

Go!

Only half of the ivys are top 10

But they are still Ivys. That is the point. You are either part of the club or you’re not. Nothing in between.

If people feel a little Ivy League pride: Totally understandable.

If people are really obsessing about going to an Ivy League school: That’s a symptom of some kind mental health problem.

There might be countries where going to specific schools is that big of a deal. In the United States, going to Harvard or Yale is nice but not really that big of a deal. I have relatives who’ve gone there, Brown and state flagship universities, and the ones who went to state universities ended up with much better rainmaking skills and have what, from a conventional perspective, look like better careers.

I did this as a student in the early 1990s. Even then, the college search was stressful and exhausting. I wanted it over, and better in December than May. It has gotten tens, maybe hundreds of times, worse since then.

I am grateful that my parents were genuinely supportive. They cared more about my happiness than they did about status-seeking BS. They have always been that way and we have a very good relationship as adults because of it.

Get your ideals in order, OP. This is not a thing you want your child remembering about you.

PS I picked a school that way WAY “beneath” my qualifications. They gave me great “merit aid,” every professor treated me like an intellectual peer, and I went to the #1-ranked graduate program in my field. Got a PhD.

In light of all of that, any weird crap my parents hung onto would have looked even worse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The slightly nicer reply: You're right. It's not about you. Parent the child you have, not the child you thought you'd have.

The nastier reply: If you'd prefer that your child be miserable at an Ivy so you can have bragging rights, rather than happy at the "top 10" school they'd rather attend, you're a terrible parent.

Yeah,the above

Nasty, yes, but no reason to believe it’s accurate. It’s probably easier to be miserable at JHU, MIT, or UChicago than most of the Ivies. Nothing indicates that the DC thought s/he’d be especially miserable at whatever Ivy OP assumes would have admitted DC — or that the DC would be particularlybhappy at the top 10 where s/he successfully applied ED. Status obsessed/competitive parent vs risk averse kid. As told, this is a story about admissions angst — not college fit.

All that said, it’s low stakes. Kid’s going to a top 10 college and is feeling happy/successful.