There are few different things entwined in the problem and it is not matter of rude or not rude
but just matter of being able to find some common ground and make it easier and enjoyable
on everyone:

1. Hosting parents often have limited budget.
2. Invited parents often have more then one children and also limited budget and options
for childcare.

To solve it there are few civilized options and there is no one size fits all

1. Demanding on a hosting parent to pay for anyone and everyone is not the matter
of rudeness, it is lack of ability to understand that not everyone can afford
extra child to be hosted. If they could they most likely would invite more BDay
child.

2. While nobody can educate the whole world to those simple two sides
of the story that not everyone can afford to pay extra and not everyone
can just leave kid behind this needs to be worked on case by case situation.

3. If you are a host - always spell upfront what the rules are so the people
ho have extra kids and no founds or option to store them elsewhere will have option.
Just say on the invitation what those rules are:
- are they welcome?
- or not?
- or they are but the parents will be responsible for the extra fees caused by this

4. If you are a invitee, you need to realize that b.day party is like going
to the movies, it is not free, every extra child cost extra so imposing
this charge on the unsuspecting host is not exact fair, unless of course
they spelled it upfront. You should not only ask if it is okay to bring
extra child but also be ready to offer to cover the extra cost.

5. Not all parents want to have the younger sibling in the mix during
the event. Not all older kids like other little kids participating because
this frankly might ruin the whole event for the celebrant.
The B. Kid is who it is about and this should be respected.

6. There is always or most of the time a drop off option so for those
who have extra kids, they can just drop off and leave, go to the store
next door etc. Use t his option instead of making it difficult on everyone
if you can not afford to pay for your little one and if they host family
is not wealthy enough to invite the whole world and pay for them.

You really let yourself in for it, OP. Learn from this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AT LEAST do so privately to me only so that the whole damn evite doesn't start asking the same thing, via comments. GOOD GRIEF.

I'm already paying hundreds for this activity gym party; thanks so much for causing a tidal wave that will cost me probably $100 more.

RUDE.

FIrst, off I had 2 kids within 20 months of each other and I had no idea this was a thing that was considered rude. As a new mom, you are constantly with your two kids who are close in age and you are also expected to take them to birthdays. Well what if I brought the younger sibling too? I mean, it might be 1 extra cupcake and I'd even pay for her "fare". She wouldn't bother anyone and I'd have my eye on her the whole time. Sorry for asking but thank you for declining in a kind way.

Why is it anyone’s problem you have kids close in age? They are two different kids and one wasn’t on the invite.

+1

I have twins, so they are 0 months apart in age. That does not mean they are a single unit. It means sometimes one of them is invited to something and the other is not. At which point my husband takes one and I take the other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AT LEAST do so privately to me only so that the whole damn evite doesn't start asking the same thing, via comments. GOOD GRIEF.

I'm already paying hundreds for this activity gym party; thanks so much for causing a tidal wave that will cost me probably $100 more.

RUDE.

FIrst, off I had 2 kids within 20 months of each other and I had no idea this was a thing that was considered rude. As a new mom, you are constantly with your two kids who are close in age and you are also expected to take them to birthdays. Well what if I brought the younger sibling too? I mean, it might be 1 extra cupcake and I'd even pay for her "fare". She wouldn't bother anyone and I'd have my eye on her the whole time. Sorry for asking but thank you for declining in a kind way.

NP. I also have 2 kids of the same gender less than 2 years apart, plus a baby, and zero childcare, so I understand the desire to want to bring them as a package deal, but it is so incredibly rude to do that. Honestly. INCREDIBLY rude.

The "kind" thing is for YOU to decline the invite saying that you don't have childcare for the sibling/s. If the mom wants sibling/s there, she'll say to bring them anyway. If she doesn't explicitly invite them, then you have your answer. In a very kind way and nobody had to be put on the spot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AT LEAST do so privately to me only so that the whole damn evite doesn't start asking the same thing, via comments. GOOD GRIEF.

I'm already paying hundreds for this activity gym party; thanks so much for causing a tidal wave that will cost me probably $100 more.

RUDE.

FIrst, off I had 2 kids within 20 months of each other and I had no idea this was a thing that was considered rude. As a new mom, you are constantly with your two kids who are close in age and you are also expected to take them to birthdays. Well what if I brought the younger sibling too? I mean, it might be 1 extra cupcake and I'd even pay for her "fare". She wouldn't bother anyone and I'd have my eye on her the whole time. Sorry for asking but thank you for declining in a kind way.

Why is it anyone’s problem you have kids close in age? They are two different kids and one wasn’t on the invite.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I state whether or not siblings are included in the initiation to avoid this.
So many people post here asking others to change when the easiest thing is to change yourself.

Because the envelope the invite is in that’s addressed to Larla —and Larla alone— is just too vague to decipher.

Can you read? She said it was an evite. Those are generally addressed to the adult to whom the email went.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AT LEAST do so privately to me only so that the whole damn evite doesn't start asking the same thing, via comments. GOOD GRIEF.

I'm already paying hundreds for this activity gym party; thanks so much for causing a tidal wave that will cost me probably $100 more.

RUDE.

FIrst, off I had 2 kids within 20 months of each other and I had no idea this was a thing that was considered rude. As a new mom, you are constantly with your two kids who are close in age and you are also expected to take them to birthdays. Well what if I brought the younger sibling too? I mean, it might be 1 extra cupcake and I'd even pay for her "fare". She wouldn't bother anyone and I'd have my eye on her the whole time. Sorry for asking but thank you for declining in a kind way.

Where is your partner? They can’t take the other child for an hour?

My brothers are less than 11 months apart, and no one ever assumed they were a package deal.

Anonymous wrote:AT LEAST do so privately to me only so that the whole damn evite doesn't start asking the same thing, via comments. GOOD GRIEF.

I'm already paying hundreds for this activity gym party; thanks so much for causing a tidal wave that will cost me probably $100 more.

RUDE.

FIrst, off I had 2 kids within 20 months of each other and I had no idea this was a thing that was considered rude. As a new mom, you are constantly with your two kids who are close in age and you are also expected to take them to birthdays. Well what if I brought the younger sibling too? I mean, it might be 1 extra cupcake and I'd even pay for her "fare". She wouldn't bother anyone and I'd have my eye on her the whole time. Sorry for asking but thank you for declining in a kind way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may think that your child's birthday party is a great time, however, no other parent is really wants to be there. No parent wants to pay for a babysitter for other siblings so one child can attend.

then decline the invite, but don't be rude and make the host pay for one more child because you don't want to pay for babysitting.

We aren’t “making” the host do anything, just figuring out if we are coming or not.

But some people just show up with their other kids in tow and expect the host to just include the extra kids. But, if you have to ask, as OP stated, do so in private.

Some of us invite siblings so it may be unclear to them. Every party we have we've invited siblings and parents. We pick a venue where its not that much more to add them or pick a venue that allows a specific number vs. per kid.

That's great, but don't make the assumption that everyone does as you do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may think that your child's birthday party is a great time, however, no other parent is really wants to be there. No parent wants to pay for a babysitter for other siblings so one child can attend.

then decline the invite, but don't be rude and make the host pay for one more child because you don't want to pay for babysitting.

We aren’t “making” the host do anything, just figuring out if we are coming or not.

But some people just show up with their other kids in tow and expect the host to just include the extra kids. But, if you have to ask, as OP stated, do so in private.

Some of us invite siblings so it may be unclear to them. Every party we have we've invited siblings and parents. We pick a venue where its not that much more to add them or pick a venue that allows a specific number vs. per kid.

It doesn't' costs $100 MORE for one child. It costs anywhere from $10-25, rarely $35. Just say no.

Anonymous wrote:This is not foolproof - especially if the guest list is hidden.

But if the guest list is viewable - you can edit the guest list to say the kid’s name as opposed to the parent’s email.

Why should it matter if the guest list is hidden?

The host may invite some siblings, and not others.

If you’re not sure who is invited from your family, contact the host privately.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may think that your child's birthday party is a great time, however, no other parent is really wants to be there. No parent wants to pay for a babysitter for other siblings so one child can attend.

then decline the invite, but don't be rude and make the host pay for one more child because you don't want to pay for babysitting.

We aren’t “making” the host do anything, just figuring out if we are coming or not.

But some people just show up with their other kids in tow and expect the host to just include the extra kids. But, if you have to ask, as OP stated, do so in private.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may think that your child's birthday party is a great time, however, no other parent is really wants to be there. No parent wants to pay for a babysitter for other siblings so one child can attend.

then decline the invite, but don't be rude and make the host pay for one more child because you don't want to pay for babysitting.

This thread is not about "making" the host do anything. It is about asking a question. The host can say no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may think that your child's birthday party is a great time, however, no other parent is really wants to be there. No parent wants to pay for a babysitter for other siblings so one child can attend.

This. If you’re going to bar me bringing my younger child, AND it’s not a drop off party, we aren’t coming. Nothing personal that just doesn’t work for my family. So please be explicit.

And that's fine, but just know that when your kids are older, this same thing will happen to you because of this pervasive attitude. Be prepared to pony up extra $ for siblings.