Anonymous wrote:Freshman year college

Yup, that's one of my kids. She can do everything on her own of course, but is never on time. The other kid has been getting up and out since he was little, and in high school we didn't even get out of bed until after he'd already left for the bus.

Anonymous wrote:

If school starts at 8 am, what time can kids be dropped off? At our school, kids could arrive 20 minutes early, or 30
Minutes early if they ate breakfast. Actually look up this information and then call the school to verify.

Think about your commute to work. Can you go a different route? Use a different form of transportation? Park in a different place or get parking? Can you adjust your hours to 8:30. Don’t just say you can’t do it because you don’t have that luxury. Maybe you even come in at 9. You can’t be afraid to speak up at this point. You need to make adjustments.

Consider how your soon to be ex can help. Maybe you both need to alter your schedules Maybe your ex can pick up the kids and bring them to your house and get them settled after school.

I'm sure it never occurred to OP to check when the school opens or shorten her commute. :eyeroll: And she already said she can't adjust her hours. SO helpful.

My 7th grade DD does great. Son goes to AM SACC. Nothing wrong with SACC.

My 10 year 5th grader could do that now.

He might have been able to do it last year - but I definitely believe he could this year.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My son could do this at 6. He woke to an alarm clock, got his breakfast, watched cartoons while he ate, knew to check the clock so he would go out to the bus at the right time, and gave the baby (1 yr old) a bottle in her crib before he left. He would tell me he was leaving and give me a kiss goodbye. I was usually still sleeping.

Today's kids don't do this kind of thing in elementary school because their parents think they can't or they think it's child abuse if you encourage such independence and self-reliance.

My kids are grown now and they turned out great, I'm very proud of both of them.[/quote]


This is just a tale of how kids can survive in abusive homes too. No, thanks for your self-oblivious horror story, Not a parenting hack but parenting by a hack!

OP - please ignore this poster. You are a single mom and that has some challenges but you are not really asking how to get wolves to raise your child, are you?[/quote]

Right OP, just ignore this. You wouldn't want your kids to grow up to be self-reliant, confident and independent. That's abusive! Just ignore the fact that my kids grew up learning how to do a multitude of things for themselves long before most parents (especially DCUM parents) think their kids can wipe their own butt. Teach them they need you to do everything for them, that'll work![/quote]

Most kids get there eventually. Some get there with love, support and nurturing along the way (i.e., parenting) and others get there despite not having any of that. I prefer being the parent. I'm sure my kids will be self-reliant by the time they leave home.

Signed,
a former neglected child who picked up the least disgusting underwear off the floor to wear to school, where I sat staring at the clock, starving, waiting for lunch to roll around because I had no support getting out the door thus ate no breakfast.[/quote]

You know there is a huge ocean between being neglected and encouraging and expecting independence early. One of my great goals in parenting actually was to “become the laziest mother ever” - I salute that PP. my first kid is little miss independent and did really well with those type of responsibilities. My second - well let just say that’s not who he is. So I adjust my parenting to suit him and he is not sitting around neglected. Like with so many many things, one size doesn’t fit all

Starting in 7th grade, I would get my kids up, put breakfast, on the table and leave for work. They have to clean up from breakfast, brush teeth, finish getting dressed, pack up, and get out the door to the bus. From the time I leave until they need to leave is about 30 minutes. I keep waiting to get a call that they missed the bus, but so far, so good. If they do miss the bus, I have some SAHMs that I can call in a pinch who could probably get them to school. If not, I have told my kids they owe me my hourly rate if I have to turn around and get them and then be late to work.

11 y/o (6th grader), gets himself up and to the bus stop since school started. He could have done it in 5th grade and maybe even 4th grade, but he didn’t need too.

My other child may never manage to do this though...

Freshman year college

Our DC could reliably do this all through ES, MS and HS. We never asked them to do it, it just happened. One of us was always home but thinking back, we never had to wake either DC.

Now that they are in college, they have "forgotten" how and their GPAs are completely reliant on their morning professors' leniency in giving make up tests and/or having tests scheduled at night not during class hours.

We have been surprised that they have been able to learn the material despite the missed classes, but at some point at least one is likely to run into a prof that will require a doctor's note for a make up.

I think the difference is that while at home we expected them to go bed around 9:30 "on school nights", without electronics, when we did.

I'm sure they read (or occasionally raided the fridge) later than 10 pm but if we heard them up to any extent, they would get questions the next day.

Now in college, they pick their own bed time and their choices are not compatible with getting up when they are supposed to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is a sad way to start the day. I say this as a single mom who has had to rush kids out the door for years. If you have the option of a college student staying with you, definitely go that route.

One of my kids could reliably get out the door by the beginning of 9th grade -- alarm, making lunch, etc. I would not expect an elementary school kid to do this. Even if they could, they could burn down the house, get abducted, leave the door unlocked, forget their key, etc. I realize it's from necessity but keep in mind that they still deserve to be taken care of.

Again, single mom myself who has turned down plenty of job options so I could be there at both ends of the day for my kids. They deserve it.

NP, wow, way to make OP feel horrible. Work on your empathy.

OP, my oldest asked to do this in 4th grade. She preferred the extra time to get ready and the quiet house to before care. Our bus stop is right by our house. I used cameras and Ring to make sure it was going well ans we never had any issues. She was never late, never dressed inappropriately for the weather, etc. She also waited until other parents showed up at the bus stop before exiting our house.

+1. I am pretty much in the exact same situation as OP (different underlying reasons) with a 3rd grader and an older kid.

OP - best of luck. I am looking into a few things as I am on the SACC waitlist - private before school programs, the before school enrichment programs, maybe finding an older neighbor child to help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As PPs have said, it really depends on the kid. My oldest (in 11th grade and with ADHD/LD), can't reliably get himself up and out the door on time. It's something we've worked really hard on but he requires a lot of oversight. My middle kid (in 9th grade) could get herself up, ready and out the door on her own by 2nd grade. She's organized, inherently motivated and (sometimes overly) responsible. My youngest (in 8th grade and also with ADHD/LD) could do it by 5th grade.

Contrary to what a PP said about kids getting ready and out the door on their own, this is not a 'sad' situation unless you make it sad. It's only sad if you don't teach kids how to do it, give them the tools they need and the support they need to be successful. You're not doing this from a place of neglect but from necessity. Giving kids opportunities to be independent and self-sufficient is empowering and confidence-building. Heck, my kids wake me up when I oversleep. We learn each other's rhythms and support each other.

^^Above poster here. I can't believe I forgot to mention that there was a McDonald's near the elementary school. Sometimes, I'd drop off the kids off there in the morning with some money. They could eat breakfast there, they had books/devices/etc. with them to keep them occupied and then when it was time (there was an alarm if they lost track of time), they'd walk to school. We did a couple of dry runs and the first couple of times, I made sure to call them to make sure they were on their way. They really liked doing this and they felt great about ordering what they wanted (within limits).

If you've got a McDonalds nearby or something like it, you might think about that option. I can tell you my kids weren't the only ones in there by themselves in the morning. Sometimes there were kids in the afternoon waiting for their parents to pick them up after school as well.

You can do all you can to prepare your kids to be independent all you want but you can't protect them from adults who may want to harm them. That's a fact. Hanging out at McDonald's is going to protect them from the weather but it won't protect them from a pervert -- especially once they are aware of the kids hanging out there regularly -- or from a violent nut job. That's the sad reality we live in today.

I tried to leave my kid at school to eat breakfast ten minutes before the doors opened, but they was not allowed to sit in the cafeteria and eat with the kids who paid for before-school care. That's right, he was not allowed to sit at the table in his own school cafeteria for ten minutes unless we paid for it. The school did not care one tiny bit if it meant the difference between me getting to work on time or not or if we could afford early morning care or not. Pathetic.

Your scaremongering is ridiculous. Kids are far more likely to be injured by someone they're close to, not a 'pervert' who noticed them at McDonalds. And, taking your concern further, they could be noticed walking to the bus stop by a pervert, they could be noticed walking in the store, on the playground, etc. In fact, our kids are far more likely to be injured by gun violence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As PPs have said, it really depends on the kid. My oldest (in 11th grade and with ADHD/LD), can't reliably get himself up and out the door on time. It's something we've worked really hard on but he requires a lot of oversight. My middle kid (in 9th grade) could get herself up, ready and out the door on her own by 2nd grade. She's organized, inherently motivated and (sometimes overly) responsible. My youngest (in 8th grade and also with ADHD/LD) could do it by 5th grade.

Contrary to what a PP said about kids getting ready and out the door on their own, this is not a 'sad' situation unless you make it sad. It's only sad if you don't teach kids how to do it, give them the tools they need and the support they need to be successful. You're not doing this from a place of neglect but from necessity. Giving kids opportunities to be independent and self-sufficient is empowering and confidence-building. Heck, my kids wake me up when I oversleep. We learn each other's rhythms and support each other.

^^Above poster here. I can't believe I forgot to mention that there was a McDonald's near the elementary school. Sometimes, I'd drop off the kids off there in the morning with some money. They could eat breakfast there, they had books/devices/etc. with them to keep them occupied and then when it was time (there was an alarm if they lost track of time), they'd walk to school. We did a couple of dry runs and the first couple of times, I made sure to call them to make sure they were on their way. They really liked doing this and they felt great about ordering what they wanted (within limits).

If you've got a McDonalds nearby or something like it, you might think about that option. I can tell you my kids weren't the only ones in there by themselves in the morning. Sometimes there were kids in the afternoon waiting for their parents to pick them up after school as well.

You can do all you can to prepare your kids to be independent all you want but you can't protect them from adults who may want to harm them. That's a fact. Hanging out at McDonald's is going to protect them from the weather but it won't protect them from a pervert -- especially once they are aware of the kids hanging out there regularly -- or from a violent nut job. That's the sad reality we live in today.

I tried to leave my kid at school to eat breakfast ten minutes before the doors opened, but they was not allowed to sit in the cafeteria and eat with the kids who paid for before-school care. That's right, he was not allowed to sit at the table in his own school cafeteria for ten minutes unless we paid for it. The school did not care one tiny bit if it meant the difference between me getting to work on time or not or if we could afford early morning care or not. Pathetic.

This is because the school after/before care program has a ratio of kids to adults that it has to maintain to keep its license. Once the school opens its doors to kids coming to school (not enrolled in the before care program) then the school has aides or teachers on supervision duty who are not part of the before care program that are responsible for your child and the other children dropped off. This does not come under the childcare ratios. Basically you were trying to drop your child off before the school was open. That is on you, not the school being pathetic.

Also, if this issue is important to you, consider it when you are voting. Harris has a plan that extends the times kids have supervision at school. Look at this thread and the other one about the packed schedule and if it is normal for working parents - many, many parents are struggling with this issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As PPs have said, it really depends on the kid. My oldest (in 11th grade and with ADHD/LD), can't reliably get himself up and out the door on time. It's something we've worked really hard on but he requires a lot of oversight. My middle kid (in 9th grade) could get herself up, ready and out the door on her own by 2nd grade. She's organized, inherently motivated and (sometimes overly) responsible. My youngest (in 8th grade and also with ADHD/LD) could do it by 5th grade.

Contrary to what a PP said about kids getting ready and out the door on their own, this is not a 'sad' situation unless you make it sad. It's only sad if you don't teach kids how to do it, give them the tools they need and the support they need to be successful. You're not doing this from a place of neglect but from necessity. Giving kids opportunities to be independent and self-sufficient is empowering and confidence-building. Heck, my kids wake me up when I oversleep. We learn each other's rhythms and support each other.

^^Above poster here. I can't believe I forgot to mention that there was a McDonald's near the elementary school. Sometimes, I'd drop off the kids off there in the morning with some money. They could eat breakfast there, they had books/devices/etc. with them to keep them occupied and then when it was time (there was an alarm if they lost track of time), they'd walk to school. We did a couple of dry runs and the first couple of times, I made sure to call them to make sure they were on their way. They really liked doing this and they felt great about ordering what they wanted (within limits).

If you've got a McDonalds nearby or something like it, you might think about that option. I can tell you my kids weren't the only ones in there by themselves in the morning. Sometimes there were kids in the afternoon waiting for their parents to pick them up after school as well.

You can do all you can to prepare your kids to be independent all you want but you can't protect them from adults who may want to harm them. That's a fact. Hanging out at McDonald's is going to protect them from the weather but it won't protect them from a pervert -- especially once they are aware of the kids hanging out there regularly -- or from a violent nut job. That's the sad reality we live in today.

I tried to leave my kid at school to eat breakfast ten minutes before the doors opened, but they was not allowed to sit in the cafeteria and eat with the kids who paid for before-school care. That's right, he was not allowed to sit at the table in his own school cafeteria for ten minutes unless we paid for it. The school did not care one tiny bit if it meant the difference between me getting to work on time or not or if we could afford early morning care or not. Pathetic.

This is because the school after/before care program has a ratio of kids to adults that it has to maintain to keep its license. Once the school opens its doors to kids coming to school (not enrolled in the before care program) then the school has aides or teachers on supervision duty who are not part of the before care program that are responsible for your child and the other children dropped off. This does not come under the childcare ratios. Basically you were trying to drop your child off before the school was open. That is on you, not the school being pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As PPs have said, it really depends on the kid. My oldest (in 11th grade and with ADHD/LD), can't reliably get himself up and out the door on time. It's something we've worked really hard on but he requires a lot of oversight. My middle kid (in 9th grade) could get herself up, ready and out the door on her own by 2nd grade. She's organized, inherently motivated and (sometimes overly) responsible. My youngest (in 8th grade and also with ADHD/LD) could do it by 5th grade.

Contrary to what a PP said about kids getting ready and out the door on their own, this is not a 'sad' situation unless you make it sad. It's only sad if you don't teach kids how to do it, give them the tools they need and the support they need to be successful. You're not doing this from a place of neglect but from necessity. Giving kids opportunities to be independent and self-sufficient is empowering and confidence-building. Heck, my kids wake me up when I oversleep. We learn each other's rhythms and support each other.

^^Above poster here. I can't believe I forgot to mention that there was a McDonald's near the elementary school. Sometimes, I'd drop off the kids off there in the morning with some money. They could eat breakfast there, they had books/devices/etc. with them to keep them occupied and then when it was time (there was an alarm if they lost track of time), they'd walk to school. We did a couple of dry runs and the first couple of times, I made sure to call them to make sure they were on their way. They really liked doing this and they felt great about ordering what they wanted (within limits).

If you've got a McDonalds nearby or something like it, you might think about that option. I can tell you my kids weren't the only ones in there by themselves in the morning. Sometimes there were kids in the afternoon waiting for their parents to pick them up after school as well.

You can do all you can to prepare your kids to be independent all you want but you can't protect them from adults who may want to harm them. That's a fact. Hanging out at McDonald's is going to protect them from the weather but it won't protect them from a pervert -- especially once they are aware of the kids hanging out there regularly -- or from a violent nut job. That's the sad reality we live in today.

I tried to leave my kid at school to eat breakfast ten minutes before the doors opened, but they was not allowed to sit in the cafeteria and eat with the kids who paid for before-school care. That's right, he was not allowed to sit at the table in his own school cafeteria for ten minutes unless we paid for it. The school did not care one tiny bit if it meant the difference between me getting to work on time or not or if we could afford early morning care or not. Pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:As PPs have said, it really depends on the kid. My oldest (in 11th grade and with ADHD/LD), can't reliably get himself up and out the door on time. It's something we've worked really hard on but he requires a lot of oversight. My middle kid (in 9th grade) could get herself up, ready and out the door on her own by 2nd grade. She's organized, inherently motivated and (sometimes overly) responsible. My youngest (in 8th grade and also with ADHD/LD) could do it by 5th grade.

Contrary to what a PP said about kids getting ready and out the door on their own, this is not a 'sad' situation unless you make it sad. It's only sad if you don't teach kids how to do it, give them the tools they need and the support they need to be successful. You're not doing this from a place of neglect but from necessity. Giving kids opportunities to be independent and self-sufficient is empowering and confidence-building. Heck, my kids wake me up when I oversleep. We learn each other's rhythms and support each other.

^^Above poster here. I can't believe I forgot to mention that there was a McDonald's near the elementary school. Sometimes, I'd drop off the kids off there in the morning with some money. They could eat breakfast there, they had books/devices/etc. with them to keep them occupied and then when it was time (there was an alarm if they lost track of time), they'd walk to school. We did a couple of dry runs and the first couple of times, I made sure to call them to make sure they were on their way. They really liked doing this and they felt great about ordering what they wanted (within limits).

If you've got a McDonalds nearby or something like it, you might think about that option. I can tell you my kids weren't the only ones in there by themselves in the morning. Sometimes there were kids in the afternoon waiting for their parents to pick them up after school as well.