For arguments sake, let's say that she will need a perfect transcript to have a shot at this college.
Well, that will take heaps of internal motivation. And you know what? You can't create this in her. If she doesn't have it and you try and force it, you will destroy her. These are the types of kids who end up taking their own lives. At the very best, you will
destroy your relationship with her.

She knows what she needs to do if that college is her goal. Now you desperately need to back off. You can't create or force internal motivation. She either has it or she doesn't and trying to force her will not end well.

My DD received a low C on an exam in college. She called me freaking out. I told her to chill, that she is a good student and everyone blows an exam. She got an A in the class. Be a good parent and ease up on your daughter.

One B on an assignment isn't going to ruin her dreams. The only thing ruining her dreams right now is you. And are they her dreams or yours? From your posts, I bet they are yours. You suck.

Suggestion talk with your child and apologize.

Then explain why you felt like you did concerning the grade.

Then listen to your child. Maybe they would like a tutor. Or maybe they understand the material but the test was super hard. Like only one person got a higher grade. Either way listen to them explain and apologize for your behavior.

Open communication moving forward is key.

Apologize tonight if she's not asleep yet, or tomorrow before she goes to school. Say you trust her to get an A for the marking period, or failing that, for the semester. And then move on.

I've done that, OP. My 9th grader is 2e: gifted but learning disabled. It is the WORST educational situation, because he needs intellectual challenge, yet also needs support for his disabilities, and can either fail a test or get an A. I have totally lost it on him, more times than I can count.

Yet we have a relationship of trust. He forgives me, I forgive him. We have a close bond. His behaviors are absolutely infuriating, but he is intellectually capable of getting As in all his AP and Honors classes.

Somehow we're going to survive this kid and this kid is going to survive us, but... it's really hard.
(For the record, my other kids don't have these issues.)

Anonymous wrote:Not a troll. Please tell me where I went wrong mothering. Please also explain the appropriate age to tell your kids life isn’t rainbows and unicorns.

You might want to be the next Olympic snowboarder, but you aren’t going to there despite the private trainers.

Seriously - no other parents deal with this? Dreams vs. Reality???

I need a solid tonight.

While yes life is not "rainbows and unicorns" it's also not straight A's through life either. It's hard work and perseverance. Many people who do not get straight A's succeed more than fine in life.

Yelling at your kid for getting an 84 is wrong period.

HS is a big adjustment. She's adjusting. Focus on effort and learning

Omg we CELEBRATE 84s!

Anonymous wrote:Not a troll. Please tell me where I went wrong mothering. Please also explain the appropriate age to tell your kids life isn’t rainbows and unicorns.

You might want to be the next Olympic snowboarder, but you aren’t going to there despite the private trainers.

Seriously - no other parents deal with this? Dreams vs. Reality???

I need a solid tonight.

You have got to be crazy. Wow.

Some of the happiest, most successful people I know went to $hit schools.

It’s fine to set realistic expectations OP. But it sounds like your daughter thinks she will disappoint you regardless so it doesn’t matter what she does. She needs to know your unconditional love. I believe you have it, but you need to show it better.

Anonymous wrote:Not a troll. Please tell me where I went wrong mothering. Please also explain the appropriate age to tell your kids life isn’t rainbows and unicorns.

You might want to be the next Olympic snowboarder, but you aren’t going to there despite the private trainers.

Seriously - no other parents deal with this? Dreams vs. Reality???

I need a solid tonight.

You have given your daughter all of the admissions stats and a spreadsheet to figure out how she’s doing. She has the tools she needs, now it’s up to her to do the work if she really wants this. If she doesn’t get the grades, perhaps she doesn’t want it as much as you do.

Anonymous wrote:Geez. OP here. DCUM can be harsh. Thanks for suggesting my daughter will blow her head off with a gun. Very helpful.

I’m not xenophobic nor a “tiger mom.” I’m just a mom.

A mom trying to balance a kid’s dreams against the reality of the world. What’s wrong with telling her your dreams do not align with your grades? Either you up your academic game or we talk different schools?

Should I pretend my little snowflake would get into this school knowing full well it was a 100% guaranteed rejection? There aren’t trophies in life for all past 4 year old soccer.

It is ONE test in 9th grade. ONE TEST IN 9TH GRADE. Read what you wrote. You have lost the plot. her 84 has zero, zilch, nada to do with getting into whatever college she decides to apply to in 4 years. IT IS ONE TEST IN 9TH GRADE.

Anonymous wrote:Geez. OP here. DCUM can be harsh. Thanks for suggesting my daughter will blow her head off with a gun. Very helpful.

I’m not xenophobic nor a “tiger mom.” I’m just a mom.

A mom trying to balance a kid’s dreams against the reality of the world. What’s wrong with telling her your dreams do not align with your grades? Either you up your academic game or we talk different schools?

Should I pretend my little snowflake would get into this school knowing full well it was a 100% guaranteed rejection? There aren’t trophies in life for all past 4 year old soccer.

It’s your job to love her no matter what, and to teach her that she doesn’t need to have her heart set on one college right now, and if she doesn’t get into that one, her life isn’t over and she’ll get in somewhere else. Her dream - if it really is hers and not yours - may not be healthy and there’s no reason for you to encourage it or insist on it.

Not a troll. Please tell me where I went wrong mothering. Please also explain the appropriate age to tell your kids life isn’t rainbows and unicorns.

You might want to be the next Olympic snowboarder, but you aren’t going to there despite the private trainers.

Seriously - no other parents deal with this? Dreams vs. Reality???

I need a solid tonight.

Anonymous wrote:Geez. OP here. DCUM can be harsh. Thanks for suggesting my daughter will blow her head off with a gun. Very helpful.

I’m not xenophobic nor a “tiger mom.” I’m just a mom.

A mom trying to balance a kid’s dreams against the reality of the world. What’s wrong with telling her your dreams do not align with your grades? Either you up your academic game or we talk different schools?

Should I pretend my little snowflake would get into this school knowing full well it was a 100% guaranteed rejection? There aren’t trophies in life for all past 4 year old soccer.

You have got to be a troll. If not, you need serious psychiatric help.