Anonymous wrote:It's super cheap childcare.

I pay 25k a year for an AP when all
Is said and done.

She works less than 20 hours per week.

Au pair law suit was settled for $65.5 million and the evil of this program exposed.

https://www.epi.org/blog/au-pair-lawsuit-reveals-collusion-and-large-scale-wage-theft-from-migrant-women-through-state-departments-j-1-visa-program/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's super cheap childcare.

Do you know how much it costs over the course of a year?

Not nearly as much as a nanny and you do not pay overtime and you do dictate hours on weekends, holidays. No matter how you try to spin it, it is not a cultural exchange because au pair is in a subservient position. She/he has huge responsibility with zero authority. It is as close as you can get to indentured servitude! This insidious program should have been scrapped long ago and I hope the au pair law suit will end this program. Cheap childcare for you is not the responsibility of the US government or US taxpayer!

Anonymous wrote:It's super cheap childcare.

Do you know how much it costs over the course of a year?

It's super cheap childcare.

I have had 4 au pairs. All over 21, all degreed in nursing or education. All looking to better their English to obtain better jobs back home.

I am a single mom and need my car every day, so my au pair takes my daughter everywhere by metro or bus. My work hours are 7-3, so my au pair works 6:30am til 3:30pm M-F. I have had no problems because that is all laid out ahead of time.

I love the cultural exchange. I have been to the countries of the au pairs and speak both their languages reasonable well. There is no drama in our little household, and no problems on either end that wasn't solved by open honest discussion.

Now that my kid is older, I think an AP would be a good fit, especially to teach him our family's heritage language. But I am a bit introverted and don't know that I'd be a great AP host ...

I can see why hosting an AP might not be attractive to everyone, but it works well for our family. We have two kids in elementary school who need care for a few hours in the morning before school and a few hours after school. Good luck finding a reliable nanny or such that would work 20 hours a week from 7am to 9 am and 4 pm to 6 pm. The flexibility is also very important. Live in childcare takes a lot of the stress out of when kids are sick, or when school closes for snow days or early release or teacher workdays.

It also helps out a lot if you and your spouse work long irregular hours and/or travel for work a lot.

Our kids also like have an AP, since the relationship is more like having an older brother/sister than a nanny.

I was an Au pair and now live here and have my own children. My host family was very good and generous to me. I always tried to do a little extra for them too. It was a win - win situation. There was one Au pair from Germany who came to US only because she wanted to find a black boyfriend and get married so that she could have stayed in US. She found somebody, but then, when the program was over , she had to back to Germany and the boyfriend stopped calling her and basically ditched her. My other friend, Au pair, had a very stingy family- who would save every penny on food and everything else ( they would never go to any restaurants), they would always eat the same cheap food. I could write a book about Au pairs. I, honestly, would not want an Au pair to live in my house- I'm a private person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get au pairs. Most of my friends have them. I get that cost wise it's much better. I totally get the advantage of cultural exchange. These are people who could easily afford to hire an experienced, professional adult to care for their kids.

But selecting a person whom you've never met in person, who is by definition young, by definition doesn't have a ton of experience with children (I know some have more than others) and by definition going through a major life change/transition being in a new country to care for your kids?!

And most people seem to have some sort of rematch...

Omg thank you for this thread. I thought I was the only one who felt like this. My Sil pays her au pair the $195 weekly minimum which is like $4 an hour to take care of her 3 children who are all under 5 years old.How is that not exploitation? Sorry but I’m sticking with my American born nanny whom I pay a decent living wage. Sure she’s more expensive but at least I can sleep at night.

Au pair is not cheap
You pay about $7000 initiation fee to be part of the program
Then the cost of food, provide accommodation, cell phone, car insurance
Give them use of a car

Unless you live near excellent public transport, they have to have access to a car

The au pair does not see a single cent of that $7000.

Not directly, but they get training, the plane tickets to and from the USA and a community counselor and group for support. The agency does a lot to make the program work. As a family, we gave our au pairs Christmas bonuses, six-month bonuses, bought them plane tickets for travel, gave them a car to drive (with gas paid for), an unlimited cell phone, public transit money, all food paid for, free vacations with our family, and allowed them to have visitors from their home countries stay with us when they wanted to invite guests. They all loved us and their experience in the USA, and we still host them all every year when they want to visit and have visited all of them in their home countries.

Agree with this. We have been generous with our au pairs. We fly them home to see their family once per year, we take them on *some* vacations, pay for their gym membership, take them out to dinner frequently, let them use the car mostly whenever they want, pay for gas, give them a birthday bonus, christmas bonus, end of the year bonus. And in turn, our au pairs have been very happy and have taken such great care of our kids.

Anonymous wrote:The APs in my community are lovely women and I am a fan of the program for older children, but it blows my mind that people entrust their babies and toddlers with an AP. They don’t know anything and bring no external knowledge to the table. They don’t engage as well as any nanny or parent that I’ve seen, and they are FAR less concerned about general safety. It is seriously mind boggling.

That's not true - our German au pair had a degree in early infant/child care from a university, worked in a "creche" ( (literally, “crib” or daycare for ages eight weeks to three years) for two years before she came to us, and she was more well versed in infant/toddler care than I was. Now that she is back home, she heads an entire daycare center. You just have to find the right fit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get au pairs. Most of my friends have them. I get that cost wise it's much better. I totally get the advantage of cultural exchange. These are people who could easily afford to hire an experienced, professional adult to care for their kids.

But selecting a person whom you've never met in person, who is by definition young, by definition doesn't have a ton of experience with children (I know some have more than others) and by definition going through a major life change/transition being in a new country to care for your kids?!

And most people seem to have some sort of rematch...

Omg thank you for this thread. I thought I was the only one who felt like this. My Sil pays her au pair the $195 weekly minimum which is like $4 an hour to take care of her 3 children who are all under 5 years old.How is that not exploitation? Sorry but I’m sticking with my American born nanny whom I pay a decent living wage. Sure she’s more expensive but at least I can sleep at night.

Au pair is not cheap
You pay about $7000 initiation fee to be part of the program
Then the cost of food, provide accommodation, cell phone, car insurance
Give them use of a car

Unless you live near excellent public transport, they have to have access to a car

The au pair does not see a single cent of that $7000.

Not directly, but they get training, the plane tickets to and from the USA and a community counselor and group for support. The agency does a lot to make the program work. As a family, we gave our au pairs Christmas bonuses, six-month bonuses, bought them plane tickets for travel, gave them a car to drive (with gas paid for), an unlimited cell phone, public transit money, all food paid for, free vacations with our family, and allowed them to have visitors from their home countries stay with us when they wanted to invite guests. They all loved us and their experience in the USA, and we still host them all every year when they want to visit and have visited all of them in their home countries.

Anonymous wrote:In our experience, our au pairs are much more productive and engaging than nannies. We have had our fair share of both APs and nannies. Our au pairs are young (we usually get 24-26 year olds), energetic and engage our kids.

We get a driving instructor when they first come to teach them about American driving and to give me a report on their driving ability. Only then are they allowed to drive the kids. This is much more due diligence than we would ever do with a nanny frankly.

We like having an au pair because they can help us for an hour in the morning and then resume childcare after school until dinner time. But there is also the flexibility of working during the day if a child is sick or there is a snow day. This is hugely helpful. And because they live with us, we know them so well, and they know our children so well, that it just works more smoothly.

That being said, I know many families who are just very private people and wouldn't like someone living in their house. We are not like that. We have an open door, with lots of kids and people visiting all the time, so we are used to a busy house!

We had exactly this experience with three amazing au pairs! They were all 23-25 years old and each had previous childcare experience (one had a degree in care of young children and the other a master's in child development). We never took advantage of them and treated them with respect, taking them on all of our vacations, treating them as members of our family, and caring for them as if they were our own. In return, they took wonderful care of our kids and developed relationships that will last a lifetime. Last summer, we went to Europe and flew two of them to our vacation rental to spend a week with us and we went to visit the other in her home country and met her entire family. I find that when you have great candidates who are carefully vetted, you will find that these young women have enormous amounts of energy and are excited to take on the challenge; they want to take good care of children and be a part of the family. I think it helps that it is limited in time - a one or two year experience that they know is not permanent. With career nannies, I have seen many who seem disinterested in the children, and perhaps burned out on the constant day in and day out of childcare (not to say this is all nannies).

I see why people get them with older school age kids and I've seen lots of positive relationships between families and the au pair.

I would not want someone else living in my house. Just a non-starter for me.

In our experience, our au pairs are much more productive and engaging than nannies. We have had our fair share of both APs and nannies. Our au pairs are young (we usually get 24-26 year olds), energetic and engage our kids.

We get a driving instructor when they first come to teach them about American driving and to give me a report on their driving ability. Only then are they allowed to drive the kids. This is much more due diligence than we would ever do with a nanny frankly.

We like having an au pair because they can help us for an hour in the morning and then resume childcare after school until dinner time. But there is also the flexibility of working during the day if a child is sick or there is a snow day. This is hugely helpful. And because they live with us, we know them so well, and they know our children so well, that it just works more smoothly.

That being said, I know many families who are just very private people and wouldn't like someone living in their house. We are not like that. We have an open door, with lots of kids and people visiting all the time, so we are used to a busy house!