DCUM Forum

Anonymous

10/08/2019 19:22 Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

People who have affairs are selfish cowards. Plain and simple. They are too frightened to end their marriages, and too selfish to care about hurting their spouse, lying, exposing them to STDs, etc. There is literally NO other excuse. Ever.

1. Cowards: people who let fear prevent them from doing the right thing
2. Selfish : someone who puts their own wants and needs above all others.

Anonymous

10/08/2019 18:03 Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

because they want to have their cake and eat it too

some men want to have a wife and mom to their kids plus have affairs on the side. they dont want to divorce their wives. they want to have sex with other women AND have a stable home life with a wife.

Anonymous

10/08/2019 18:00 Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

Anonymous wrote:You don't break up your kids home for an affair. Do you not have kids OP?

You’re still breaking up your home. You’re just doing it under same roof

Anonymous

10/08/2019 17:37 Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

Anonymous wrote:Because they're cowards.

Bingo!

Anonymous

10/08/2019 17:26 Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

My dad liked who my mom was on paper. It gave him some prestige. But she didn’t admire him. For good reasons that I can independently verify. He needed someone who was impressed by him. They started a secret second family. Fittingly, 30 years later, she’s no more impressed than my mom was.

Anonymous

10/08/2019 17:02 Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What? Are you dumb? Because divorce costs A LOT OF MONEY and blows up your children’s life! Christ, if I found out my spouse was banging someone from work, divorce would be the absolute last resort FOR ME, the cheated-on spouse. It has nothing to do with “honoring marriage vows” or whatever the f** people on this forum whinge about, and everything to do with keeping a stable family unit for the kids.

If your husband is balls deep in someone other than you, your family unit is not stable.

No, not necessarily... It means he's not getting his needs met at home.

'

The oldest and lamest rationalization in the book.

To be fair, he's probably right, though not in the way he thinks he is.

Anonymous

10/08/2019 17:00 Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who legitimately is confused by this question is either 14 years old or on the autism spectrum.

This! Also, many cheated on spouses don't really care. As long as their family life is in tact, they're happy to look the other way.

That too, many women don't marry for love. All types of marriages.

Anonymous

10/08/2019 16:58 Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who legitimately is confused by this question is either 14 years old or on the autism spectrum.

This! Also, many cheated on spouses don't really care. As long as their family life is in tact, they're happy to look the other way.

Anonymous

10/08/2019 16:40 Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What? Are you dumb? Because divorce costs A LOT OF MONEY and blows up your children’s life! Christ, if I found out my spouse was banging someone from work, divorce would be the absolute last resort FOR ME, the cheated-on spouse. It has nothing to do with “honoring marriage vows” or whatever the f** people on this forum whinge about, and everything to do with keeping a stable family unit for the kids.

If your husband is balls deep in someone other than you, your family unit is not stable.

No, not necessarily... It means he's not getting his needs met at home.

'

The oldest and lamest rationalization in the book.

Anonymous

10/08/2019 16:38 Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

Anonymous wrote:What? Are you dumb? Because divorce costs A LOT OF MONEY and blows up your children’s life! Christ, if I found out my spouse was banging someone from work, divorce would be the absolute last resort FOR ME, the cheated-on spouse. It has nothing to do with “honoring marriage vows” or whatever the f** people on this forum whinge about, and everything to do with keeping a stable family unit for the kids.

Bingo. It's quite shocking how many people don't see the obvious answer

Anonymous

10/08/2019 16:37 Subject: Re:Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

Kids and financial security. Also I figure one day my sex drive will go down and I won't care if I am in a low sex marriage

Anonymous

10/08/2019 16:01 Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like living with my children, and my wife enables that. She also enables me to come home to a nice, clean home and healthy meals prepared. I get to have the stable, married life as well as the excitement my AP provides. Why would I divorce? It would also be a big hit for me financially. Living in two separate homes would be far more expensive than the current arrangement. And like I said, there are benefits to living with my wife, even if I'm not interested in sleeping with her.

This just shows a lack of respect for your wife

And your point is??

There is no self respect or respect for his spouse or kids. Your marriage is not stable. Do you want to set the example it is ok and your kids cheat or get cheated on? My Dad is like that poster. When mom and we found out, all hell broke loose. Now, we barely have a relationship. He chose his girlfriends/AP over us. Now, he's lonely in an assisted living and thinks we should be so grateful to him as he is Dad when he never thought about us then, so why should we think about him now. (and he only wants to see us if he's bored between women friends).

Fair point but do you think guys who cheat on their wives care? Same goes to wives who cheat on DHs.

Anonymous

10/08/2019 16:00 Subject: Re:Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men love their wives and don't think cheating is bad.

Women are stuck and can't afford to leave.

most stupid generalization

Sadly most people follow a pattern.

Women cheat too. My husband's ex cheated and left to be with her AP. They can leave, they do leave and screw over the husband's by taking the kids and refusing access to the kid. They get a child support check, alimony and the AP income.

Women cheat for different reasons. Most do it as an exit plan. Few APs take them though, so it's a badly hatched plan. Mental illness with women that cheat is very high... something like 95% of bipolar women cheat.

I don't think my husband's ex thought it through. Now she's stuck as she cannot work and only gets alimony from my husband (I don't get why they were married 9 years and she gets life long but different issue) and if she left she'd have no way to support herself. She wasn't mentally ill. Selfish, self-serving, and many other things, but not mentally ill. They ruined two families.

Anonymous

10/08/2019 15:58 Subject: Re:Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men love their wives and don't think cheating is bad.

Women are stuck and can't afford to leave.

most stupid generalization

Why is cheating bad? The sexless wife gets to enjoy her vision of a happy family with the kids and a devoted husband, while the husband gets his sexual needs (not to be confused with love for his wife) met elsewhere. She is also not affected by the risk of STIs, since they no longer have sex.

Guess cheating is only bad and blamed on the husband when the wife finds out and realises the outcome of her denial, but refuses to accept that she caused it.

Because most cheaters are still having sex with their spouse, not why they cheat. Therefore your reasoning is ridiculous. Just because that's your case doesn't make it everyone elses.

It's the other way round. According to DCUM and real life where the 80/20 rule applies - 80% of cheaters are deprived of sex at home, while 20% of cheaters still have sex with their spouses.

Sex is not an excuse for cheating. You get a divorce if you cannot make your marriage work.

Anonymous

10/08/2019 15:47 Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

The deprived spouse should get a divorce.

In reality, it’s just selfishness. But not surprisingly coming from a person who has no problem lying to spouse and children over and over.