Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am also religious and recognize sex as being sacred. I am not a virgin but I don’t sleep around. New BF is okay with some sexual acts but not intercourse itself. I’m happy to keep dating - he’s the first guy I’ve really liked in a long time - but this isn’t a situation I’ve found myself in with a potentially serious boyfriend before.

Date him and see how it goes. Honestly, I think you’ll be far better off with him than many of the porn-obsessed guys that are in the dating pool now.

Yup

I hate to break it to you, but plenty of religious and sexually repressed people are secretly watching a LOT of porn and have a ton of issues. Not saying this guy does, but I wouldn’t assume he’s watching less than the guys who actually have sex.

Exactly.

I know several people where the BF (then DH) wanted to wait until marriage. None has worked out 20 years later. Two ended up coming out as gay eventually. One is super asexual.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am also religious and recognize sex as being sacred. I am not a virgin but I don’t sleep around. New BF is okay with some sexual acts but not intercourse itself. I’m happy to keep dating - he’s the first guy I’ve really liked in a long time - but this isn’t a situation I’ve found myself in with a potentially serious boyfriend before.

Date him and see how it goes. Honestly, I think you’ll be far better off with him than many of the porn-obsessed guys that are in the dating pool now.

Yup

I hate to break it to you, but plenty of religious and sexually repressed people are secretly watching a LOT of porn and have a ton of issues. Not saying this guy does, but I wouldn’t assume he’s watching less than the guys who actually have sex.

You are late 20s and he is early 20s? That's tough for other reasons too UNLESS you are the same serious religion.

Anonymous wrote:I love these "everything but intercourse" religious types.

Whatever religious teachings he is following that forbids sex right now, also forbids everything else you've been doing while naked, and even getting naked. For sure the rules don't way, anything other than actual PIV penetration is OK.

That said, it does sound like one big tease. I'd actually love to date a woman where we make a pact to wait, while doing "everything else." But not wait until marriage. Just some length of time like 30 days where we learn each other's bodies and how we respond to oral and other pleasures. Then finally, the big night.

I’d run for the hills. But then again, religion creeps me out (for the record, I grew up in an evangelical household— purity rings and all.). I could not be married to someone who holds such a vastly different set of values and beliefs than I do. That being said, if you’re a Sunday Christian, maybe you can make it work.

Womp Womp. No thank you.

Sooo, I have some personal experience. He wasn’t deliberately waiting. Just from a religious family and a virgin.

I too came from an evangelical background which, while I had walked away from it, can create complicated feelings about sexual relationships. Your guy may have some baggage about sex when he starts to engage in it. With all of the messaging within some Christian communities about sex being dirty, bad, sinful, etc. outside of marriage, it’s really hard to flip a switch psychologically on one’s wedding day and enjoy it guilt-free.

My other caution is that some people are just bad at sex. Having multiple partners and time helps you learn to be better. But if you rob yourself of both, there’s no way to get better. It’s really, really difficult to be partnered with someone you love personally who’s just terrible at the act. Yes, communication helps. But it’s a little like teaching a non-athletic person to dance late in life without being able to take lessons or watch other people. Once the initial enthusiasm for each other dies down, you can end up stuck with a clueless partner, and it’s a challenging thing to navigate.

Woman here...my DH and I were late teens / in college when we met. We were both virgins and I liked the idea of waiting to marriage. We ended up having sex about two years after we started dating. It wasn’t great at first but we figured out what we‘re doing and the long history of friendship and communication helped. Despite small children we try to still have an active sex life. I suspect (either through marriage or through him chasing his mind) you’ll have sex within a year or two. Only you know if you want to wait that long. Also, by then if you’re in love and the sex isn’t good you might feel stuck if it’s not good. However, I think sex can improve but the connection is there or it isn’t.

Anonymous wrote:Guys are not virgins, some claim to be, none are

Where’d you read this, Cosmo?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am also religious and recognize sex as being sacred. I am not a virgin but I don’t sleep around. New BF is okay with some sexual acts but not intercourse itself. I’m happy to keep dating - he’s the first guy I’ve really liked in a long time - but this isn’t a situation I’ve found myself in with a potentially serious boyfriend before.

Date him and see how it goes. Honestly, I think you’ll be far better off with him than many of the porn-obsessed guys that are in the dating pool now.

Yup

Anonymous wrote:Funny. All the people on this forum are so worried about making sure the sex is good before they get married, only to see their sex lives and marriages fizzle as their husbands who were, apparently, so good in bed, become more interested in porn or someone else than their aging wives. Does it ever occur to people that it is that kind of approach that leads to misery later on? You can tell if you have chemistry without having sex. But you can tell what kind of a man he is if he has slept around for years and years before settling down...

Yup, a player

Anonymous wrote:Well, you have to make the decision for yourself. Is he a Lickalottapus? That could go a long way.

Guys are not virgins, some claim to be, none are

Anonymous wrote:We like each other, talk every day, go out several times a week (started dating recently). Just found out that given his religious beliefs, he wants to wait until marriage to have sex. I’m late twenties, he’s early twenties. WWYD?

He sounds like a keeper; an honest, stand-up guy who won’t compare you to previous lovers.