Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't commit to days. I would tell her "They can't play today, go home Larla."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the posters who are feeling sorry for this girl. This is exactly what we did as kids. We went outside and then went to see if the neighbors could play. It wasn't parents sending us over it was just us looking for playmates. OP, you should be more clear. If you say it's snacktime, then of course she will wait until after snacktime. Tell her "not today, but you can come back on thursday." If she cries, call her parents.

When we were kids, we all left out houses and played. Some kids couldn't come out. Others could. Some kids go into fights, others played well. It was called autonomy and social interaction and it is very much needed in our kids these days, and parents are just WAAAAY overprotective and over-involved in their kid's lives. It is very scary to see threads like this and people saying to call services or text the parents? Get the F out of here.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the posters who are feeling sorry for this girl. This is exactly what we did as kids. We went outside and then went to see if the neighbors could play. It wasn't parents sending us over it was just us looking for playmates. OP, you should be more clear. If you say it's snacktime, then of course she will wait until after snacktime. Tell her "not today, but you can come back on thursday." If she cries, call her parents.

At least where I and I think other posters are pushing back is the idea that kids playing everyday together after school without planned play dates is somehow “abnormal” — so much so that multiple posters have said OP should report the situation to child protective services. In our experience, a kid coming by to play is not a sign of abuse. It’s simply a sign of a normal childhood where we come from.

For me, it’s also confusing that OP expects the neighbor kid’s mom to proactively tell her kid that she can only go knock on the neighbors’ door a certain number of times a week, without any further instructions about how often and what days. For many of us, a kid spontaneously asking or expecting to play with a friend after school is “just fine.”

If your post had specifically said that the behavior you mean is not “just fine” is the crying, then I doubt you’d get much pushback. I think the crying would probably be solved if neighbor girl understood the rules, which is impossible right now because it’s arbitrary. It seems like OP wants her kids to spend less time with neighbor kid, and isn’t being clear. There’s no indication that OP’s kids want less time with neighbor kid, so that’s probably even more confusing and upsetting to the kid. If OP is clear that her kids can only play on specific days of the week, I think neighbor kid will get it and adapt and stop crying. She’ll understand it’s not that her friends don’t like her, it’s that her friends’ mom has different rules about playtime.

It’s totally fine for OP to have different rules about playing after school. But there will be many of us who think it is just fine to play everyday after school and to let our kids knock on a neighbor’s door until we are told by said neighbor that practice is unacceptable. So I think she’ll have to find a solution that takes into account these differences in opinion — in other words, she can’t expect neighbor kid’s mom to just understand there’s a problem here.

Anonymous wrote:Tell the mom to text you before the kid comes over, to find out whether it’s a good time or not. The burden of dealing with her disappointment should fall on her mom, not on you. Be more direct with the mom. You can say you’re happy to host her sometimes but not to have her show up at your door unannounced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in a townhouse complex with a lot of similar-aged kids going to the same public school. The kids like to play outside (bike around the cul de sac, play basketball, jump rope, dig dirt, etc.) for hours after school and in the weekends.
OP, do your kids like to play with this girl? Let them play outside but set a boundary that once your kids are back in the house, then playdate is over.

This is how I grew up too. We played together almost every day, outside or inside. I am surprised both the older and younger daughters don’t have their own groups of neighborhood friends to play with it. Afterward, everyone would go home for dinner and homework. Plenty of time for sibling bonding otherwise. It’s hard for me to understand why this is a problem. I guess I’m not ready for modern parenting — it feels like micromanaging your child’s free time and relationships to me.

In this case OP is trying to protect her kids' and family's time from a daily interruption. Play dates are great. Daily uninvited, expected arrivals are not play dates. Not sure why so many PPs think this situation is somehow just fine.

We think it’s fine because by the time we were 6, we were making and accepting our own plans/play dates with neighbor children. My parents would only need to set up a play date with someone that lived outside of walking distance and so an adult needed to drive. It was also just expected we would play together everyday, unless someone had a music lesson or sports practice or something. There was no need for an “invite” or adult involvement at all. You’d get off the bus together, get a snack together or separately, and then meet up again as planned. If a kid came to the door, mom would shout “so and so is here to see you,” and you could decide for yourself if you wanted to play with that person that day. The mere idea that parents need to “protect” and plan their child’s time immediately after school is strange to me. There was plenty of time for dinner and homework after free play time.

But you do get that OP's specific situation is not like what you did as a child--right?

If she/her kids are not able to play that day, this child cries on their porch. And there's an obvious expectation by both the girl and her parents that she can go to OP's daily and...cry if she is told "no."

That's what I meant by OP wanting to protect some of her family time from this other family that is clueless about boundaries. It's great that you could say yes or no to playing when you wanted as a kid, but that's not what's going on with OP's situation. She needs to say no and in this case she needs to involve the other parents. Great that by six you were arranging your play time but that doesn't work for OP and it's fine if it doesn't.

And it's not universal that "it was just expected that we would play together every day," then or now. That was your experience but is not what's going on here.

At least where I and I think other posters are pushing back is the idea that kids playing everyday together after school without planned play dates is somehow “abnormal” — so much so that multiple posters have said OP should report the situation to child protective services. In our experience, a kid coming by to play is not a sign of abuse. It’s simply a sign of a normal childhood where we come from.

For me, it’s also confusing that OP expects the neighbor kid’s mom to proactively tell her kid that she can only go knock on the neighbors’ door a certain number of times a week, without any further instructions about how often and what days. For many of us, a kid spontaneously asking or expecting to play with a friend after school is “just fine.”

If your post had specifically said that the behavior you mean is not “just fine” is the crying, then I doubt you’d get much pushback. I think the crying would probably be solved if neighbor girl understood the rules, which is impossible right now because it’s arbitrary. It seems like OP wants her kids to spend less time with neighbor kid, and isn’t being clear. There’s no indication that OP’s kids want less time with neighbor kid, so that’s probably even more confusing and upsetting to the kid. If OP is clear that her kids can only play on specific days of the week, I think neighbor kid will get it and adapt and stop crying. She’ll understand it’s not that her friends don’t like her, it’s that her friends’ mom has different rules about playtime.

It’s totally fine for OP to have different rules about playing after school. But there will be many of us who think it is just fine to play everyday after school and to let our kids knock on a neighbor’s door until we are told by said neighbor that practice is unacceptable. So I think she’ll have to find a solution that takes into account these differences in opinion — in other words, she can’t expect neighbor kid’s mom to just understand there’s a problem here.

Anonymous wrote:OMG...this post breaks my heart. I feel so sorry for the little girl.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't commit to days. I would tell her "They can't play today, go home Larla."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in a townhouse complex with a lot of similar-aged kids going to the same public school. The kids like to play outside (bike around the cul de sac, play basketball, jump rope, dig dirt, etc.) for hours after school and in the weekends.
OP, do your kids like to play with this girl? Let them play outside but set a boundary that once your kids are back in the house, then playdate is over.

This is how I grew up too. We played together almost every day, outside or inside. I am surprised both the older and younger daughters don’t have their own groups of neighborhood friends to play with it. Afterward, everyone would go home for dinner and homework. Plenty of time for sibling bonding otherwise. It’s hard for me to understand why this is a problem. I guess I’m not ready for modern parenting — it feels like micromanaging your child’s free time and relationships to me.

In this case OP is trying to protect her kids' and family's time from a daily interruption. Play dates are great. Daily uninvited, expected arrivals are not play dates. Not sure why so many PPs think this situation is somehow just fine.

We think it’s fine because by the time we were 6, we were making and accepting our own plans/play dates with neighbor children. My parents would only need to set up a play date with someone that lived outside of walking distance and so an adult needed to drive. It was also just expected we would play together everyday, unless someone had a music lesson or sports practice or something. There was no need for an “invite” or adult involvement at all. You’d get off the bus together, get a snack together or separately, and then meet up again as planned. If a kid came to the door, mom would shout “so and so is here to see you,” and you could decide for yourself if you wanted to play with that person that day. The mere idea that parents need to “protect” and plan their child’s time immediately after school is strange to me. There was plenty of time for dinner and homework after free play time.

But you do get that OP's specific situation is not like what you did as a child--right?

If she/her kids are not able to play that day, this child cries on their porch. And there's an obvious expectation by both the girl and her parents that she can go to OP's daily and...cry if she is told "no."

That's what I meant by OP wanting to protect some of her family time from this other family that is clueless about boundaries. It's great that you could say yes or no to playing when you wanted as a kid, but that's not what's going on with OP's situation. She needs to say no and in this case she needs to involve the other parents. Great that by six you were arranging your play time but that doesn't work for OP and it's fine if it doesn't.

And it's not universal that "it was just expected that we would play together every day," then or now. That was your experience but is not what's going on here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in a townhouse complex with a lot of similar-aged kids going to the same public school. The kids like to play outside (bike around the cul de sac, play basketball, jump rope, dig dirt, etc.) for hours after school and in the weekends.
OP, do your kids like to play with this girl? Let them play outside but set a boundary that once your kids are back in the house, then playdate is over.

This is how I grew up too. We played together almost every day, outside or inside. I am surprised both the older and younger daughters don’t have their own groups of neighborhood friends to play with it. Afterward, everyone would go home for dinner and homework. Plenty of time for sibling bonding otherwise. It’s hard for me to understand why this is a problem. I guess I’m not ready for modern parenting — it feels like micromanaging your child’s free time and relationships to me.

In this case OP is trying to protect her kids' and family's time from a daily interruption. Play dates are great. Daily uninvited, expected arrivals are not play dates. Not sure why so many PPs think this situation is somehow just fine.

We think it’s fine because by the time we were 6, we were making and accepting our own plans/play dates with neighbor children. My parents would only need to set up a play date with someone that lived outside of walking distance and so an adult needed to drive. It was also just expected we would play together everyday, unless someone had a music lesson or sports practice or something. There was no need for an “invite” or adult involvement at all. You’d get off the bus together, get a snack together or separately, and then meet up again as planned. If a kid came to the door, mom would shout “so and so is here to see you,” and you could decide for yourself if you wanted to play with that person that day. The mere idea that parents need to “protect” and plan their child’s time immediately after school is strange to me. There was plenty of time for dinner and homework after free play time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in a townhouse complex with a lot of similar-aged kids going to the same public school. The kids like to play outside (bike around the cul de sac, play basketball, jump rope, dig dirt, etc.) for hours after school and in the weekends.
OP, do your kids like to play with this girl? Let them play outside but set a boundary that once your kids are back in the house, then playdate is over.

This is how I grew up too. We played together almost every day, outside or inside. I am surprised both the older and younger daughters don’t have their own groups of neighborhood friends to play with it. Afterward, everyone would go home for dinner and homework. Plenty of time for sibling bonding otherwise. It’s hard for me to understand why this is a problem. I guess I’m not ready for modern parenting — it feels like micromanaging your child’s free time and relationships to me.

In this case OP is trying to protect her kids' and family's time from a daily interruption. Play dates are great. Daily uninvited, expected arrivals are not play dates. Not sure why so many PPs think this situation is somehow just fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG...this post breaks my heart. I feel so sorry for the little girl.

+1

When I was 6...we all played with friends every day. Inside. Outside. No weird rules on playing with different aged siblings after school on a weekday.