Anonymous wrote:My niece just informed us that our DD with autism was not invited to her bat mitzvah because she is afraid she will make an inappropriate sound or otherwise distract from her ceremony. The rest of the family is welcome to attend. I feel rage and deep sadness.

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. The rage women feel is from an invalidating environment and the fact that they are ultimately held responsible for their children's conduct. There is an epidemic of children born with mental health problems (from ADHD to Autism to ODD) and these mothers are punished, judged, and excluded by society - as they were once blamed as "refrigerator moms" not that long ago, we haven't come much farther in our society. Today, it's the mother's job to deliver the therapy interventions to the child despite the fact that many of these interventions don't bring much success and thereby bring more feelings of inadequacy, frustration, fatigue, and failure to the mother. Then these children hit adolescence. No one talks about the emotional and physical abuse that mothers endure from their children from the earliest of ages while they are responsible for nurturing and caring for them. Day in and day out, day in and day out. Knowing these kids may be dependent forever. This is a societal problem. Isolation and rejection from society causes rage and depression. It's like having a homeless person come to therapy to discuss how they can manage being homeless better. Ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the posts suggesting therapy are very valid. There is also no shame in getting meds to help cope. Nobody should feel so much rage that they think about harming another. I say this as someone who posted her about having sandwich generation rage and I got myself help.

Therapy does not mean you are broken or mentally ill, though if you are either or both therapy is good for that too. It is part of managing the stress and finding ways to cope with anger in a healthy way.

I say this all as someone who has an elderly parent who has regular rage fits at me and who thinks mental health care is only for crazy people.

Telling moms who have the odds stacked against them that they need therapy is beginning to sound a lot like telling working women that they just need to “Lean In” because, you know, they just aren’t going at it the right way or trying hard enough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posted in SN forum why?

I’m OP. I thought about how I could have posted it in the regular parenting forum but I really wanted to my fellow SN mom’s to see it. We have challenges and stressors and loads of confusion and guilt already built into parenting because of the ambiguity inherent in parenting any SN child. You’re rarely certain if you are doing the right things or if it will turn out okay. That insecurity itself is a powerful force in stirring up a sense of no control. Add in the stares, misunderstandings, and other awkward moments with society, plus every day issues everyone has, etc and…UGH!

It just seemed more helpful to post it here.

Anonymous wrote:Meditation. Don’t laugh. Just locking yourself in a room or a car for ten minutes and breathing.

Resetting your reactivity.

Who cares if dinners late or they don’t their homework or whatever? Let it go. Not just in the moment but the big things. We cannot be perfect. We just can’t. That’s ok.

I no longer rage. My house is messier. One of my kids gets Cs, but I am happier. We all are.