Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in HS. We have never had a non-family member babysit them. It has been usually just DH and I. My mom was another person I have trusted with my kids.

I have left my kids home, when they were 6 or 7, with visiting relatives who were staying with us for several days, to make a quick dash to the grocery store or to a restaurant to pick up takeout.

I just don't think that others need to babysit or take care of my kids. I have happily outsourced a lot of things, but not the care of my children. YMMV

Did your kids ... not go to school or daycare?

Not that pp. My kids did not attend daycare but did go to a private morning preschool a couple of times a week and they also have attended public school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in HS. We have never had a non-family member babysit them. It has been usually just DH and I. My mom was another person I have trusted with my kids.

I have left my kids home, when they were 6 or 7, with visiting relatives who were staying with us for several days, to make a quick dash to the grocery store or to a restaurant to pick up takeout.

I just don't think that others need to babysit or take care of my kids. I have happily outsourced a lot of things, but not the care of my children. YMMV

Have your kids ever gone to a sleep-away camp, or for a sleepover/short trip with a friends's family?

Not that pp, but my own kids camped with Cub Scouts and my dh was one of the parent volunteers who also camped. They've had sleepovers at friends' houses but, no, never any short trips with friends/family unless dh or I (usually both of us) were there, too.

Dh and I had our kids on the older side so our parents, while they are very involved and important people in our children's lives and love to spend time with them, have never had to take on any heavy duty child care for us. Part of the perk of being a grandparent is being able to hand the kids back to the parents, lol.

I hired my first sitter when the baby was 3 weeks old!! I needed to get out of the house on my own during the day at least once or twice a week, or I would go crazy.

Unless you have truly helpful family in town, never hiring sitters basically means you never go out and do anything alone with your spouse, right? That seems sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in HS. We have never had a non-family member babysit them. It has been usually just DH and I. My mom was another person I have trusted with my kids.

I have left my kids home, when they were 6 or 7, with visiting relatives who were staying with us for several days, to make a quick dash to the grocery store or to a restaurant to pick up takeout.

I just don't think that others need to babysit or take care of my kids. I have happily outsourced a lot of things, but not the care of my children. YMMV

Did your kids ... not go to school or daycare?

I’m not that PP, but I wouldn’t send my kids to daycare or school and say I’d used babysitters before.

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in HS. We have never had a non-family member babysit them. It has been usually just DH and I. My mom was another person I have trusted with my kids.

I have left my kids home, when they were 6 or 7, with visiting relatives who were staying with us for several days, to make a quick dash to the grocery store or to a restaurant to pick up takeout.

I just don't think that others need to babysit or take care of my kids. I have happily outsourced a lot of things, but not the care of my children. YMMV

Did your kids ... not go to school or daycare?

It doesn't sound like a cheapness problem, it sounds like an anxiety problem. She doesn't trust anyone but family. Having just family is fine in normal circumstances if the family member is willing, but I think it's very inconsiderate to ask your mom and you to change your plans just because she and her husband want to attend a 40th birthday party. Basically she's making you suffer the consequences of her unreasonable position on babysitters.

Don't want anyone but family babysitting? Fine, but then you skip the party, or one of you stays home, or you hire a non-family babysitter and one of you comes home early (if you worry about bedtime). Don't make everyone else change their plans.

Never hired a babysitter because I had no need for one. I have family nearby and we all help each other. I would never ask for someone to change their plans to help me.

Yes, our kids have been in daycare since they were 5 months old, so they've been cared for by non-family members since then. As for paying babysitters so we could have an evening out, I don't think we did it until our youngest was a reliable sleeper - so maybe close to two years old.

I do understand OPs frustration. My parents provide full-time childcare for my sibling's children and will also have them for sleepovers whenever my sibling and spouse need extended childcare. It has definitely infringed on my parents' plans to visit more than once (there are other issues). BUT. It's just as much my parents' fault for not enforcing boundaries, which is the most frustrating part. Even sadder is that I don't even want my parents to visit just to watch my kids - I'd actually like to spend time with them.

We never hired a babysitter. My mom watched our kids overnight twice. My MIL came into town and watched our 2 year old when I was in the hospital giving birth to our second child.

Beyond that, my mom would watch our kids during the day for an hour or two at a time if I had a doctor/dental appt. She also watched them a handful of times when dh and I went out on a date night dinner and yearly on back to school nights. She was a big help! Sometimes the kids would go over to a friend's house for a play date if I needed to get something done (I would return the favor and host the friend another time).

But dh and I weren't taking trips or anything and leaving the kids with a sitter or a family member. We vacationed with our kids.

Anonymous wrote:Your sister is too cheap to pay a real babysitter.

It isn’t that. She is offering to pay the change fee on her mom’s flight. That’s probably more than a babysitter.

We have only used non-family babysitter when we took our 3 and 5yr olds to a wedding out of state and needed someone to watch them during the rehearsal dinner and reception.

My parents live nearby and are retired. They are usually available. We keep meaning to get a high school kid in the neighborhood as an occasional sitter, but haven’t gotten around to it. If I was in your sister’s situation, I would never have asked for my parents to change plans. I would have found a sitter.

Your SIL sounds like mine. Anytime the ILs are planning to come visit, DH gets a million calls from her asking about our plans, she never calls otherwise. She makes negative comments about daycare (our kids have gone since they were 4m old), ILs watch her daughter when she works or she'll drop her DD off so she can grocery shop or they come over so she can take a shower! Creates problems for us bc ILs think we are being rude NOT asking for this kind of help when they visit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My siblings are like this. FLlying in my parents when they need childcare. Even across continents. And then complain about the stuff they don't get to do. And then when we actually have a real emergency such as my child is in the PICU (not I need help to take my 2 month old to get a routine vaccine), we can't count on parents for support.

Us too, except we are all local. Our siblings refuse to pay for any outside childcare, so we have zero assistance when we really need it.

Can we be friends? I'm serious.

Anonymous wrote:My siblings are like this. FLlying in my parents when they need childcare. Even across continents. And then complain about the stuff they don't get to do. And then when we actually have a real emergency such as my child is in the PICU (not I need help to take my 2 month old to get a routine vaccine), we can't count on parents for support.

Us too, except we are all local. Our siblings refuse to pay for any outside childcare, so we have zero assistance when we really need it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My siblings are like this. FLlying in my parents when they need childcare. Even across continents. And then complain about the stuff they don't get to do. And then when we actually have a real emergency such as my child is in the PICU (not I need help to take my 2 month old to get a routine vaccine), we can't count on parents for support.

Did you ask your parents for help?

Yes, they were at my sibling's house watching their 2 month old (their 4th trip since they became parents). We have a sitter, but just needed an extra hand when our son was in the PICU