Anonymous wrote:I personally would not put up with this, but if you want the kid around (sounds like you do) you probably should follow along with what the dad's wishes are. I wouldn't remotely go for this. I think the dad is insane for having his kid at your house so much in the first place. That's awful. He sounds awful, up to and including his human trafficking situation :/

+1000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold it - are there two nannies or only one?

I think nanny is an insufficient word to cover what their lady is. She is like, their household staff, she cooks, cleans dinner, watches the kid. She is not here legally, she worked for them when they lived abroad and they're bringing her over on tourist visas and sending her home to meet the requirements and trying to figure out how to bring her over permanently.

When she's not here his days get really scheduled actually.

When he is over at our house his nanny does not come over with him.

OP we have had a lot of experience with these State department “arrangements”. Some of them are very weird and cross the line. She cooks and cleans and whatever else but she’s not the nanny — she’s just .... there .... helping out and working on a visa with a single guy and OP is providing free daycare while pregnant to a kid 3 years older than her 2 kids. ... the whole situation hmmmm wonder if this is a troll?

Why is this kid at your house for 8 hours a day? Two hours max. Don't paint nails, etc. when he is visiting. If your DD balks, tell her that she is hosting company and when you host a friend at your house you can't always do everything you want to do. It's a good life lesson.

Send them outside to play. Why are they inside in such beautiful weather?

1. Set limits of how long this kid can be at your house or start paying your nanny more. (I vote send the kid home.)

2. We have plenty of girls who come to our house that are not allowed to put on makeup or nail polish - this is not a gender issue. Never put something on a child over for a playdate that their parent hasn't agreed to. Common courtesy. You never know what they may have an allergic reaction to, etc.

3. As for tv shows, that's a your house, your rules kind of issue. If he doesn't want his kid watching TV at your house, he needs to take his kid home.

4. Ask Dad politely to no longer tell nanny what to do. That is REALLY not fair to your nanny and is putting her in a bad work environment.

2 choices: 1) Tell the dad and the nanny to keep the child at his home, or 2) Find another craft idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has the Dad stated why he doesn't want the kid's fingernails painted?

I wouldn't have wanted my son's fingernails painted at that age, because he sucked his thumb, and I'd worry about the chemicals. Toes would have been fine.

He says kid will be made fun of at school according to nanny

Then dad can remove the nail polish. CVS sells non-acetone polish remover pads for ~$3. Voila.

Anonymous wrote:Has the Dad stated why he doesn't want the kid's fingernails painted?

I wouldn't have wanted my son's fingernails painted at that age, because he sucked his thumb, and I'd worry about the chemicals. Toes would have been fine.

He says kid will be made fun of at school according to nanny

Anonymous wrote:Do you SAH and have a nanny too?

No I have a full time job but I telework so am home every day.

Do you SAH and have a nanny too?

Has the Dad stated why he doesn't want the kid's fingernails painted?

I wouldn't have wanted my son's fingernails painted at that age, because he sucked his thumb, and I'd worry about the chemicals. Toes would have been fine.

are you paying your nanny extra to watch this other kid?

UPDATE: Today kid came over and suggesting he paint his toenails because his dad wouldn't see.

Both nanny and I are uncomfortable with active subterfuge of parent's stated rules so we are going to 'run out' of nail polish for a little while and suggest just regular painting instead.

Probably going to have some kind of adult chat about his instructing nanny and maybe about discussing my appearance in front of the whole neighborhood. Also having nanny tell him he should talk to us if he asks her to do something like this again.

I personally would not put up with this, but if you want the kid around (sounds like you do) you probably should follow along with what the dad's wishes are. I wouldn't remotely go for this. I think the dad is insane for having his kid at your house so much in the first place. That's awful. He sounds awful, up to and including his human trafficking situation :/

Anonymous wrote:The kid should not be at your house that much. That's crazy. send him home at nail paint time.

Who are you to set rules as to how much time the neighbor kid can spend visiting at OPs house? Pretty sure OP gets to decide that.

Also, I would not send him home so nanny and dd can do nails, and for that matter it need not be the end of the world if he sees them doing this if handled in a nice a friendly way --to critique, to assist, or to have his own thing (temporary tattoos ok with his dad? stickers on his face? stickers on his clothes? ).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lived abroad? As a foreigner, with all sorts of international friends, I wonder why you think it matters. Are all foreigners backwards and conservative to you?

Plenty of people don't like nail polish on youngsters. Some don't like pink or girly things on their boys, but it doesn't mean they're homophobic.

Just don't polish his nails. Easy!

First sentence: TRUE
Second sentence: LIE

If you have a problem with your son wearing something you’d label “girly” then you are not only homophobic but sexist. Seriously. Because you know you’d never say your daughter can’t wear black or a sports shirt because it’s “boyish” because you don’t see anything wrong with things that are for boys but things for girls are inherently less than to you.

NP. I don’t mind my boy wearing pink or playing with hearts or whatever, but yeah I would draw the line at letting him pick out a pink tutu to wear at age 3. I am not a homophobe or a bigot, just a realist. And no, I don’t agree with parents who encourage their male kids to identify as girls because they think they are girls at the age of two, nor do I want to be branded as one of these parents when I let my kid wear a pink tutu.