this is less a visit more of an event but def involves an IL. SIL and I get along relatively okay now, but was definitely rocky leading up to our wedding as well as a few years following it. She has a hard time not being the center of attention. She is fairly charismatic, so that's understandable, but not so charismatic that folks only want to hear her voice.

So SIL threw a fit that we would not have her just 2 y.o. daughter as the flower girl @ our wedding. Since the daughter would probably need to have an adult guiding her, I told DH I just lacked confidence that SIL would know when/how to step back for our day, especially as she was also pregnant and could not have any conversation without talking about her pregnancy. He agreed - probably relieved - as it is not as if he is unaware of her traits. The day before the wedding, she insisted on joining us for the onsite meeting then told me that she and her brother could take care of it and that I should figure out how to spruce up the restrooms in the inn. Later that night she was responsible for the scrap books at the rehearsal dinner, but pawned that off on one of DH's friends and her husband - someone they both knew - because she wanted to enjoy herself at the dinner (no surprise, but there are no scrap books from the dinner b/c who is going to do that job when asked at 11th hour). Immediately preceding the ceremony, she made a slight scene involving her daughter and it was all I could do to just stand there and smile. At the end of the evening, when saying good bye to our guests, she came over and admonished me for not sufficiently thanking the couple responsible for the scrap books as if I had even had a conversation with them about it - I had only found out after the dinner. The following morning, she kept insisting that she be allowed into the restroom ahead of other guests as she was, after all, pregnant (five months, but one would have thought she was due the next day). And after we departed on our honeymoon, she repacked the box with my wedding dress, placing it on the bottom after finding it on the top, then set many heavy objects on it and damaging the fabric. Her behavior was bad enough that when we returned from our honeymoon that both of my parents - never ones to comment on such stuff, my siblings, and a few close friends asked WTH was up with her. I hadn't said anything, she was just so rude towards my family and my friends picked up on her M.O. Was bad for a few more years, then I think she just either grew tired of that drama or just grew up a bit. I really hope my children never end up behaving that way towards a new family member.

Anonymous wrote:Here is one that we dodged. Aunt and uncle kept pestering us to go down to the beach with them and spend the weekend. They said they had won accommodations. It turns out that the accommodations were 1 room with 1 double bed AND for only 1 night. Their plan was to cram all 7 (DH, myself, our 3 kids and them ) in one room and bring a tent and sleeping bags to camp out on the beach at night. It is not legal to camp on the beach but they insisted that as long as you set up the tent late enough the police patrol will have already passed. We passed despite the pestering.

DH made the mistake of asking their advice within casual conversation for recommendations on another vacation area that we were planning to go to in a few weeks. I warned him that a.) they are so cheap that anything they recommend would be suspect and b.) they will see this as an opportunity to tag along on our dime. I got a text the next day from his aunt that she needed our credit card number because she had found the perfect place for our family vacation. She had decided that she and her husband would travel with us since the airbnb had an extra bedroom so why let it go to waste. Never mind that it was for different dates, a different place and that we had never invited them along. We said no and she was upset for weeks.

My issue is that my inlaws won't tell us when they're leaving or coming. Petty and minor I'm sure. Inlaws tell us "we're coming the weekend of the 16th!" and then no more information is forthcoming. I make sure to have an extra special dinner on Friday just in case they decide to come. I also cancel my weekend plans with friends. Nope. Not that night. DH calls them and they say they're coming on Saturday. We sit around all day. I make an extra special dinner because "they're coming for dinner." I have a 2 and a 4 year old who go to sleep at 7, so we eat at 6ish. Inlaws FINALLY show up at 10pm and want dinner. I think they expected us to wait and eat with them. The next day we do a morning activity and then I come home and put the kids down for their nap at noon so I can get started on a nice lunch. NOPE Inlaws are standing in my entry with their luggage saying goodbye. My oldest was extremely upset that his grandparents left while he napped and cried about how he didn't get to say goodbye. WTF I couldn't believe they spent like 4 hours with my kids.

Take 2: Inlaws are coming for my son's 4th birthday party.They wanted to make sure they weren't early, so they didn't get in Friday night. We had our family celebration with my family and his family Friday night with cake and gifts and Saturday was the friend's party. Saturday morning they call us when they're leaving, except they're 4 hours away and the party was starting in 2 hours. They missed the entire birthday party. And then they left that night without staying, even though I washed the guest room sheets and cleaned the guest bath.

I feel so damn disrespected every single time they blow us off. Their visits are like a hit and run. I clean and cook and plan fun activities with the kids and they don't show. I told DH if he ever lets them walk all over me again I was going to leave him. The last time during the birthday party I know DH tried to get times/dates out of them.

Here is one that we dodged. Aunt and uncle kept pestering us to go down to the beach with them and spend the weekend. They said they had won accommodations. It turns out that the accommodations were 1 room with 1 double bed AND for only 1 night. Their plan was to cram all 7 (DH, myself, our 3 kids and them ) in one room and bring a tent and sleeping bags to camp out on the beach at night. It is not legal to camp on the beach but they insisted that as long as you set up the tent late enough the police patrol will have already passed. We passed despite the pestering.

DH made the mistake of asking their advice within casual conversation for recommendations on another vacation area that we were planning to go to in a few weeks. I warned him that a.) they are so cheap that anything they recommend would be suspect and b.) they will see this as an opportunity to tag along on our dime. I got a text the next day from his aunt that she needed our credit card number because she had found the perfect place for our family vacation. She had decided that she and her husband would travel with us since the airbnb had an extra bedroom so why let it go to waste. Never mind that it was for different dates, a different place and that we had never invited them along. We said no and she was upset for weeks.

Anonymous wrote:DH's brother and his wife are extremely unorganized and have no sense of time. They usually give us a max of 3 days heads up for planned visits, and even then we don't know when exactly they'll come.

This summer, we had a big bday party for my son. MIL and FIL had flown in the Monday before. We expected BIL's family of 5 to drive in and arrive on Thursday afternoon. They arrived on Saturday morning. They wouldn't commit to a departure date (also typical for them). They ended up leaving the following Saturday, which was great for the our kids but I was definitely "over" their visit.

The kids (elem through high school aged) would all wake up around 9/10am and I'd make breakfast for everyone. BIL/SIL would come down at noon expecting a fresh breakfast. Around 2pm they'd decide on an activity for the day, and by 3pm they'd be just about ready to head out the door. I would raise the issue of lunch (because the kids ate breakfast at 10am) and SIL would say "oh no, we just ate. I'm still full!" I had to remind her on 3 separate days that the kids ate much earlier than she did, and needed to eat lunch. Meanwhile the kids are bored and starved because their parents can't get their act together. A few days in, I figured out the timing problem, and would take the kids out in the mornings so they at least get to stretch their legs rather than sit around for 5 hours waiting for their parents to get ready.

Lol! This is what it would be like if my DH were married to the female version of himself. I'm lucky if I can get him up and out of the house at 11 on a weekend or vacation.

Anonymous wrote:We never stay with my in-laws or invite them to stay with us because this is what it's like when they come into town:

It's hard to find things for us all to do together because they can't walk far (FIL has an inadequately treated back injury; MIL has severe bunions, won't get surgery and wears flip-flops in all weather), MIL can't be more than 5 min. from a bathroom, MIL is concerned about sun exposure (but won't wear high SPF or a hat), and MIL complains about having to read too much at museums. But sitting around the house is recipe for family disharmony. I think their ideal day out involves strolling a shopping mall and going to several Starbucks, but that really wouldn't be much better than sitting around the house. After thinking long and hard about what to do during a family visit, DH and I decided to take them to a small museum of decorative arts that has lots to look at but little to read. My mother offered to join us to help me feel more relaxed during what is always a tense time.

The in-laws did not arrive until 2 p.m. after spending all day getting ready in their hotel room, despite the fact that three people were waiting on them. They were radio silent all morning and early afternoon, so DH and I were unable to plan our day until they decided to surface. After about 30 minutes at the museum, MIL and SIL declared they were starving because each of them had only had coffee and half a muffin to eat that day because they were concerned about overeating before having dinner out . They left our group to go in search of food. They came back as the museum was closing so that my MIL could fight with DH in the parking lot. His crime was politely turning down a plain white shirt she had bought for his brother that hadn't fit BIL. She was trying to pawn it off on DH instead of returning it to the store or giving it away. A security guard was standing there with the gates half closed as she was nearly wailing, shirt in hand. Later that evening, without apology and without warning, they demanded to meet up in the heart of a tourist district for dinner for five on a weekend night with no reservations. We declined.

While this episode was remarkable, it wasn't entirely unusual. We no longer invite them into town, but sometimes they invite themselves. I only see the in-laws for meals because it's just too hard to plan activities with them.

Ugh. They sound so difficult, yet not difficult enough to have the satisfaction of calling "crazy"! It sounds like you're now in the territory where you have to way lower expectations and basically treat them like infirm old people. Sounds like the visits are stressing them out and they can't cope.

Anonymous wrote:OK the beach house loaner where they showed up takes the cake. I would have left also.

i probably would have also left. would have been disappointed yet what can the friend host do? how does he talk to the brother again? I never get when folks do that stuff.

DH's brother and his wife are extremely unorganized and have no sense of time. They usually give us a max of 3 days heads up for planned visits, and even then we don't know when exactly they'll come.

This summer, we had a big bday party for my son. MIL and FIL had flown in the Monday before. We expected BIL's family of 5 to drive in and arrive on Thursday afternoon. They arrived on Saturday morning. They wouldn't commit to a departure date (also typical for them). They ended up leaving the following Saturday, which was great for the our kids but I was definitely "over" their visit.

The kids (elem through high school aged) would all wake up around 9/10am and I'd make breakfast for everyone. BIL/SIL would come down at noon expecting a fresh breakfast. Around 2pm they'd decide on an activity for the day, and by 3pm they'd be just about ready to head out the door. I would raise the issue of lunch (because the kids ate breakfast at 10am) and SIL would say "oh no, we just ate. I'm still full!" I had to remind her on 3 separate days that the kids ate much earlier than she did, and needed to eat lunch. Meanwhile the kids are bored and starved because their parents can't get their act together. A few days in, I figured out the timing problem, and would take the kids out in the mornings so they at least get to stretch their legs rather than sit around for 5 hours waiting for their parents to get ready.

We never stay with my in-laws or invite them to stay with us because this is what it's like when they come into town:

It's hard to find things for us all to do together because they can't walk far (FIL has an inadequately treated back injury; MIL has severe bunions, won't get surgery and wears flip-flops in all weather), MIL can't be more than 5 min. from a bathroom, MIL is concerned about sun exposure (but won't wear high SPF or a hat), and MIL complains about having to read too much at museums. But sitting around the house is recipe for family disharmony. I think their ideal day out involves strolling a shopping mall and going to several Starbucks, but that really wouldn't be much better than sitting around the house. After thinking long and hard about what to do during a family visit, DH and I decided to take them to a small museum of decorative arts that has lots to look at but little to read. My mother offered to join us to help me feel more relaxed during what is always a tense time.

The in-laws did not arrive until 2 p.m. after spending all day getting ready in their hotel room, despite the fact that three people were waiting on them. They were radio silent all morning and early afternoon, so DH and I were unable to plan our day until they decided to surface. After about 30 minutes at the museum, MIL and SIL declared they were starving because each of them had only had coffee and half a muffin to eat that day because they were concerned about overeating before having dinner out . They left our group to go in search of food. They came back as the museum was closing so that my MIL could fight with DH in the parking lot. His crime was politely turning down a plain white shirt she had bought for his brother that hadn't fit BIL. She was trying to pawn it off on DH instead of returning it to the store or giving it away. A security guard was standing there with the gates half closed as she was nearly wailing, shirt in hand. Later that evening, without apology and without warning, they demanded to meet up in the heart of a tourist district for dinner for five on a weekend night with no reservations. We declined.

While this episode was remarkable, it wasn't entirely unusual. We no longer invite them into town, but sometimes they invite themselves. I only see the in-laws for meals because it's just too hard to plan activities with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs are nice and we get along, but they are hoverers/pouncers. They are literally on top of us all the time during visits, to the point where I've accidentally stepped on my MIL's foot when I was emptying the dishwasher and she was right.there.

The last time we went to the beach with them, I was low-key complaining about it to my husband, who was like, "Eh, they're not THAT ba--AUGH!"

He stopped becasue we were driving at night, approaching the beach house, making the turn into the driveway, and his parents were standing there in pitch-black, their eyes and glasses reflecting in the light. It was like a freaking horror movie. We started dying laughing and my husband was like, "Yeah...they're weird."

Did it ever occur to you that they were just waiting to greet you and make you feel welcome? My family does this all the time. It is considered good manners. Apparently, you need some lessons in how to make guests feel welcome!

No, I have literally never heard of it, and would find it totally bizarre. So you just stand there around the time you think family might be arriving?

In the dark! They were standing in the dark. I can see my parents sitting on the porch on a nice day. Of course, I have also burned myself running into my mom because she is hovering next to me in out tiny kitchen while I am taking a hot pan out of the oven.

As the poster the "did it occur to you" poster was referring to...

It's one thing to wave from the window, then come outside to say hello and help with the bags. This is what normal people do. This shows enthusiasm and offers a sense of welcome, without creating the danger of being IN A DRIVEWAY AT NIGHT, UNEXPECTEDLY when people have just driven 5+ hours to see you and are just trying to pull in and unload the car.

It is BIZARRE to wait in a driveway AT NIGHT. Then, they don't offer to help with the bags or even step back to allow us to do what we need to do to exit the car and get our stuff; they literally pounce and go in for the hug while I'm trying to get the kids unbuckled.

Like, calm down. There's a difference between a calm greeting and literally, like actually getting underfoot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just finished a wildly uncomfortable beach house "vacation" with ILs, including some nice playing favorites with room allocations. I need catharsis - tell me your worst stories, or just confess your pettiness and misanthropy!

Oh OP, you ain't seen nothing yet....

Yeah, this kind of opened my eyes to the situation. Both that it was apparently considered normal by all involved, and that the BIL and SIL accepted it in the first place with no comment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs are nice and we get along, but they are hoverers/pouncers. They are literally on top of us all the time during visits, to the point where I've accidentally stepped on my MIL's foot when I was emptying the dishwasher and she was right.there.

The last time we went to the beach with them, I was low-key complaining about it to my husband, who was like, "Eh, they're not THAT ba--AUGH!"

He stopped becasue we were driving at night, approaching the beach house, making the turn into the driveway, and his parents were standing there in pitch-black, their eyes and glasses reflecting in the light. It was like a freaking horror movie. We started dying laughing and my husband was like, "Yeah...they're weird."

Did it ever occur to you that they were just waiting to greet you and make you feel welcome? My family does this all the time. It is considered good manners. Apparently, you need some lessons in how to make guests feel welcome!

No, I have literally never heard of it, and would find it totally bizarre. So you just stand there around the time you think family might be arriving?

In the dark! They were standing in the dark. I can see my parents sitting on the porch on a nice day. Of course, I have also burned myself running into my mom because she is hovering next to me in out tiny kitchen while I am taking a hot pan out of the oven.

OK the beach house loaner where they showed up takes the cake. I would have left also.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how were the rooms allocated?
I love analysis of room grandeur and pecking order of guests. From the sister hog who grabs the best room to the precious couple with the baby who needs it but blocks off the balcony and insists on quiet in the kitchen next door. To the single person on the couch every trip.

Any new build beach houses need to have all identical en suites. Haven't they figured this out yet?

Main house with huge en-suite master and 2 extra bedrooms and bath given to favored BIL and his 2 kids. Dank cabin with 1 bathroom (overun with insects) given to remaining 5 adults (including 2 elderly with frequent bathroom visits) and 1 kid. And they wondered why we cut our visit short by 3 days ...

This is awful. Why did two kids each get their own room in the main house? Maybe you put the elderly out in the cabin, the kids all in a room in the main house, the other two adults in the other room and the straggler adult on a couch.

HAHAHHAAHA...OP is on vaca with my MIL......

Anonymous wrote:Just finished a wildly uncomfortable beach house "vacation" with ILs, including some nice playing favorites with room allocations. I need catharsis - tell me your worst stories, or just confess your pettiness and misanthropy!

Oh OP, you ain't seen nothing yet....