Anonymous wrote:Re: FSA and male entitlement. .

You always have to reverse the dynamic to get the analogy right. The correct analogy is the woman that dates a man for years and years and he doesn’t propose/marry her because he doesn’t believe in that type of commitment/doesn’t want to have kids or some other bullish!t. She is not thrilled, but she loves him and is willing to accept this for the long term. They eventually break up in their mid-30s, and he quickly gets into a rebound relationship, marries and has kids.

Woman number 1 is baffled and hurt by this....

She is not entitled to his marital commitment and children (just like husbands are not entitled to FSA), but it still hurts like hell.

I came up with the European vacation analogy, but this one is spot-on. I actually know a couple of men that were like this, got married, told their wives they did not want to have children, wives accepted it, then he gets divorced in his early forties after she can't have children and he takes up with a much younger woman and starts a family. That is exactly how the feeling works in the opposite direction when women have fun sexy time with past boyfriends but not their husbands.

Re: FSA and male entitlement. .

You always have to reverse the dynamic to get the analogy right. The correct analogy is the woman that dates a man for years and years and he doesn’t propose/marry her because he doesn’t believe in that type of commitment/doesn’t want to have kids or some other bullish!t. She is not thrilled, but she loves him and is willing to accept this for the long term. They eventually break up in their mid-30s, and he quickly gets into a rebound relationship, marries and has kids.

Woman number 1 is baffled and hurt by this....

She is not entitled to his marital commitment and children (just like husbands are not entitled to FSA), but it still hurts like hell.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman who loves A and husband doesn’t!

What are you doing tonight?

I’m a woman who loves A and husband doesn’t!

Anonymous wrote:Taking specific sex acts off the table is never a great move for either gender. Things aren't a "try it once"...often different people, different situations, different preparation makes all the difference. Things I did in college that weren't great experiences are amazing with dh. And, sometimes in a relationship it makes sense to prioritize your partner's experience and pleasure.

I'm actually pretty okay with taking certain things off the table all together.

Forget about a-sex for a second since that one seems to be triggering for a lot of men who desperately want it. Think about other things.

For example, as a survivor of sexual assault, I'm 100% comfortable with saying "I am not going to participate in sex where my partner is violent." If my husband was like, "Oh come on, just a little light choking! Preparation makes all the difference!" should I consider letting him choke me just because he's a different person (e.g., not a rapist) and the situation is different (e.g., consensual sex vs. rape)?

People get to define what they are and are not comfortable with. If one person says XYZ is not on the menu, as a respectful partner, I am personally going to assume that it's off the menu because they are not comfortable doing it and I'm not about to pressure someone to do something sexually that they're not comfortable with, even if XYZ is my favorite sexual thing ever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Taking specific sex acts off the table is never a great move for either gender. Things aren't a "try it once"...often different people, different situations, different preparation makes all the difference. Things I did in college that weren't great experiences are amazing with dh. And, sometimes in a relationship it makes sense to prioritize your partner's experience and pleasure.

+1
words of wisdom

The back door is at least 50% mental. When I was tense/nervous about it, it was just not good. Comfortable, relaxed and trusting made a world of difference in my case.

This.

Anonymous wrote:Taking specific sex acts off the table is never a great move for either gender. Things aren't a "try it once"...often different people, different situations, different preparation makes all the difference. Things I did in college that weren't great experiences are amazing with dh. And, sometimes in a relationship it makes sense to prioritize your partner's experience and pleasure.

+1
words of wisdom

The back door is at least 50% mental. When I was tense/nervous about it, it was just not good. Comfortable, relaxed and trusting made a world of difference in my case.

Taking specific sex acts off the table is never a great move for either gender. Things aren't a "try it once"...often different people, different situations, different preparation makes all the difference. Things I did in college that weren't great experiences are amazing with dh. And, sometimes in a relationship it makes sense to prioritize your partner's experience and pleasure.

Anonymous wrote:There is so little to tell I’d put him to sleep. Everything in my sex life worth talking about he was there for! We’ve been together 22 years and we can still create WOW moments that really surprise us.

Me too! When I met my husband I was vanilla ice cream but thanks to him i’m now Baskin Robbins.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If it's A sex then it's not something any woman should do. Anyone for that matter because of increased risks of sexual diseases and cancer. Poor FF is a good example.

If your H has a sexual disease, that is a problem in itself. If not, then A sex isn't any riskier than any other kind and, cancer? Where are you getting your information?

NP curious about where you get your info. You are more likely to catch an STD with a sex because the tissue isn’t naturally lubricated, meant to be repeatedly penetrated, and it’s thinner. Since an STD (HPV) causes cancer, there is your answer. It can also cause throat and esophageal cancers though it’s mostly known to cause cervical cancer. Also, the vast majority of people have HPV so that “problem” is incredibly common whether you’re aware of it or not.

Anonymous wrote:

If it's A sex then it's not something any woman should do. Anyone for that matter because of increased risks of sexual diseases and cancer. Poor FF is a good example.

If your H has a sexual disease, that is a problem in itself. If not, then A sex isn't any riskier than any other kind and, cancer? Where are you getting your information?

Anonymous wrote:I have a question for the men talking about Forbidden Sex Acts.

Is it more disappointing/galling to you all if a woman has done Forbidden Sex Act before, did not enjoy it and will not do it again, or if a woman has never and refuses to consider doing Forbidden Sex Act with you or anyone else?

It’s all very context-dependent. If you’ve got a healthy sex life, “tried FSA once and hated every second of it, will never do again” is not going to bother any reasonable man. If you’ve got a meh sex life, and the story is “yes, FSA was on the menu for years and years, but I’m just not like that anymore” it creates a reasonable inference that “she’s just not that into you” and a man would be stupid not to pay attention to that fact in relationship decisions. It’s all academic to me, though. Not a FSA guy. Yuck.

There is so little to tell I’d put him to sleep. Everything in my sex life worth talking about he was there for! We’ve been together 22 years and we can still create WOW moments that really surprise us.