Anonymous
Post 08/08/2019 14:04     Subject: Re:How often do you go out with other couples, without kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We don’t do it that often – maybe 3-4 times a year. Personally I don’t care, I am almost completely tapped out from working full time and taking care of our two kids. I was pretty wild in my 20s and I went out all the time, but I’m completely over that stage of my life and have been for a long time (I’m 39). When we do go out with friends, I find I’m exhausted the next day. I don’t like to drink much anymore because it takes a big toll on me physically and emotionally, and it impairs the quality time I spend we our kids. It really takes me a few days to recover if I drink more than a glass of wine or two. My husband loves to go out, socialize and drink, and I know he would love to go out every week if he could. It’s a fundamental difference between us that really bothers me. Before you are married and have kids, it is really difficult to know what type of parent you will be and what your priorities will be. I wish I knew we wouldn’t be on the same page on this before we got married.


Uh nobody said you had to get hammered if you go out with other couples. Also pretty bold of you to assume his kids aren't his priority simply because he still enjoys socializing with other adults. You sound like a peach.


I didn't say in my post that my husband doesn't prioritize our children. I said he likes to go out and he would be happy to go out every weekend if he could. He has made that clear to me many times. Also I am fully aware that you don't have to get hammered when you go out with other couples. In my particular situation though, going out with other couples just about always means going out drinking, because that is what my husband wants to do when we go out with friends. He doesn't need a lot of sleep, and drinking doesn't impact him physically and emotionally like it does for me. Its just a difference between us. I guess my point is that whatever you do as a couple - whether its go out regularly or stay home - what matters is that the couple is aligned in what they want. I just wish my husband and I are more aligned than we are.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2019 13:24     Subject: Re:How often do you go out with other couples, without kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We don’t do it that often – maybe 3-4 times a year. Personally I don’t care, I am almost completely tapped out from working full time and taking care of our two kids. I was pretty wild in my 20s and I went out all the time, but I’m completely over that stage of my life and have been for a long time (I’m 39). When we do go out with friends, I find I’m exhausted the next day. I don’t like to drink much anymore because it takes a big toll on me physically and emotionally, and it impairs the quality time I spend we our kids. It really takes me a few days to recover if I drink more than a glass of wine or two. My husband loves to go out, socialize and drink, and I know he would love to go out every week if he could. It’s a fundamental difference between us that really bothers me. Before you are married and have kids, it is really difficult to know what type of parent you will be and what your priorities will be. I wish I knew we wouldn’t be on the same page on this before we got married.


Uh nobody said you had to get hammered if you go out with other couples. Also pretty bold of you to assume his kids aren't his priority simply because he still enjoys socializing with other adults. You sound like a peach.


Are you the OP? I wonder if it is the same person who is negative to anyone who gives a response to why they don’t want to go out as couples.

I think it is quite common and normal who used to go out a lot before being parents to have gotten it out of their system. I posted above about people in our circles going through difficulties. The ones going through the issues are the ones with one spouse who likes to go out too much and cheated or wants out of marriage because they are bored or going through a midlife crisis or whatever. Our friends absolutely like to go out but not necessarily with their spouse and with friends plus spouses.

I partied hard when I was younger. I loved to travel. I still like to go out and travel but it is different. DH and I are on the same wavelength. We went on date night last night. I put fitness as a priority and back to 120 pounds. I’m more fit than when I was 29. I didn’t really work out back then.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2019 13:13     Subject: Re:How often do you go out with other couples, without kids?
Anonymous wrote:We don’t do it that often – maybe 3-4 times a year. Personally I don’t care, I am almost completely tapped out from working full time and taking care of our two kids. I was pretty wild in my 20s and I went out all the time, but I’m completely over that stage of my life and have been for a long time (I’m 39). When we do go out with friends, I find I’m exhausted the next day. I don’t like to drink much anymore because it takes a big toll on me physically and emotionally, and it impairs the quality time I spend we our kids. It really takes me a few days to recover if I drink more than a glass of wine or two. My husband loves to go out, socialize and drink, and I know he would love to go out every week if he could. It’s a fundamental difference between us that really bothers me. Before you are married and have kids, it is really difficult to know what type of parent you will be and what your priorities will be. I wish I knew we wouldn’t be on the same page on this before we got married.


Uh nobody said you had to get hammered if you go out with other couples. Also pretty bold of you to assume his kids aren't his priority simply because he still enjoys socializing with other adults. You sound like a peach.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2019 13:10     Subject: How often do you go out with other couples, without kids?
I would say at least once a month, if not more, we will get together with other couples without the kids. It happens a lot more now that the kids are older and we can get really cost effective teenage babysitters. When they were babies and toddlers, we rarely did this because we didn't want to spend $20 an hour on a sitter. But now, with $10, we do it more often. It is lovely to have adult conversation!
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2019 13:08     Subject: Re:How often do you go out with other couples, without kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have been a working mom, part time working mom and a SAHM and have 3 kids. I had my first child at age 30 and my third child at age 38. I’m now in my 40s. Many marriages are strained. They are strained with very young kids even with help. Relationships are often strained in your 40s too. Mix in kids’ schedules and work. Hanging out with couples just isn’t what people do that frequently.


Who are these people? You? Just because you don't do something doesn't mean "people" don't do it. Open your eyes a little wider.


Pp here. I actually love to go out. I went out all the time when I was in high school, college, grad school and during my young professional life. I posted on the other thread about always being the initiator. That is me in my circles. I’m going out tomorrow with my girlfriends this weekend, going to the beach next week with our family friends and have a couples only night planned next week.

Many of our friends are going through difficult times. Maybe it is just in my circles but people are starting to get divorced. Our kids are a little older but I also have a little one.

I personally love girlfriend time. I have two upcoming gf only trips without kids or husbands. I can’t wait.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2019 10:02     Subject: Re:How often do you go out with other couples, without kids?
Anonymous wrote:I have been a working mom, part time working mom and a SAHM and have 3 kids. I had my first child at age 30 and my third child at age 38. I’m now in my 40s. Many marriages are strained. They are strained with very young kids even with help. Relationships are often strained in your 40s too. Mix in kids’ schedules and work. Hanging out with couples just isn’t what people do that frequently.


Who are these people? You? Just because you don't do something doesn't mean "people" don't do it. Open your eyes a little wider.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2019 10:01     Subject: Re:How often do you go out with other couples, without kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Gosh this thread is sad. It is simply not healthy for anyone (kids or parents) to only spend time socializing with each other. You should be fostering your adult friendships without your kids as well. CUT THE CORD people. You’re starting to sound like the Duggars.


Yup. And I lol'd at the 'we love to spend time with our kids' bs. So parents who go out without theirs don't?


It's what people who never leave their child's side say to make themselves feel superior.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2019 09:26     Subject: Re:How often do you go out with other couples, without kids?
We don’t do it that often – maybe 3-4 times a year. Personally I don’t care, I am almost completely tapped out from working full time and taking care of our two kids. I was pretty wild in my 20s and I went out all the time, but I’m completely over that stage of my life and have been for a long time (I’m 39). When we do go out with friends, I find I’m exhausted the next day. I don’t like to drink much anymore because it takes a big toll on me physically and emotionally, and it impairs the quality time I spend we our kids. It really takes me a few days to recover if I drink more than a glass of wine or two. My husband loves to go out, socialize and drink, and I know he would love to go out every week if he could. It’s a fundamental difference between us that really bothers me. Before you are married and have kids, it is really difficult to know what type of parent you will be and what your priorities will be. I wish I knew we wouldn’t be on the same page on this before we got married.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2019 19:10     Subject: Re:How often do you go out with other couples, without kids?
I have been a working mom, part time working mom and a SAHM and have 3 kids. I had my first child at age 30 and my third child at age 38. I’m now in my 40s. Many marriages are strained. They are strained with very young kids even with help. Relationships are often strained in your 40s too. Mix in kids’ schedules and work. Hanging out with couples just isn’t what people do that frequently.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2019 14:58     Subject: How often do you go out with other couples, without kids?
Make some childfree friends. But make sure to limit conversations that revolve around your children.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2019 14:52     Subject: Re:How often do you go out with other couples, without kids?
Anonymous wrote:Gosh this thread is sad. It is simply not healthy for anyone (kids or parents) to only spend time socializing with each other. You should be fostering your adult friendships without your kids as well. CUT THE CORD people. You’re starting to sound like the Duggars.


Yup. And I lol'd at the 'we love to spend time with our kids' bs. So parents who go out without theirs don't?
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2019 08:53     Subject: Re:How often do you go out with other couples, without kids?
Gosh this thread is sad. It is simply not healthy for anyone (kids or parents) to only spend time socializing with each other. You should be fostering your adult friendships without your kids as well. CUT THE CORD people. You’re starting to sound like the Duggars.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2019 08:51     Subject: How often do you go out with other couples, without kids?
OP, one other option is to seek out couple friends who don't have kids or whose kids are older. Coordinating plans with one sitter (yours) is way easier than with multiple moving parts.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2019 08:49     Subject: Re:How often do you go out with other couples, without kids?
I guess we're fortunate that we have plenty of couple friends where we both genuinely like both the husband and the wife, therefore spending time with them as a couple is nice. My husband and I also spend time together with just the two of us (we work out together and walk the dogs together and often have lunch together), but we do really like spending time with other couples. We do so both with and without our kids (although some have kids that are older so we don't do as much with their kids). I've always thought we lucked into the most amazing group of friends between our kids' school and our neighborhood and it seems that must be true since so many people don't seem to like hanging out with other couples.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2019 08:38     Subject: How often do you go out with other couples, without kids?
The cost is too high. Like others, paying for sitter AND a night out just seems like too much money. The flip side, is that I go to bed early because my kids wake up early. So I want to be home before 10pm. I don't have a morning sitter! So nights out are not nearly as fun when you have a 6am wake up, followed by a full day of kid activities.

Also, I spend a lot of time away from my kids during the work week, so I like to focus my weekends on them right now. I adore my friends, and we go out sometimes, but as a couple my DH and I rarely go out together.