So now we’re calling it “soft skills” when kids land internships and recommendations based on knowing the right people?

What I see here are many parents saying “look, the game is rigged. The rewards do not go to the smartest, the fastest, the hardest working. They go to the people in the old boy’s club. So I’m going to make sure my kid is in the old boy’s club.”

This may be a common attitude among private school parents but it is cynical, selfish, and undemocratic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:First generation Chinese-American with a recent Big 3 grad. We saw nothing to indicate that "East Asians are affirmatively discriminated against" in admissions at the DC area independent schools. My DC applied to 2 of the Big 3 and was admitted to both. My impression is that the schools would love to have more Asian-Americans. Among fellow Asian-Americans in the DC political/legal/policy/think tank world, I would guess that the majority send their children to the independents. In part, many of us were among the first wave of Asian-Americans in the elite colleges and professions and we are as concerned about building our children's social capital as we are about their academic skills. Among more recent immigrants in the outer suburbs and more IT or small business backgrounds, few are interested in paying $40k+ tuition when first-rate magnet programs are possible for free.

Hi, PP. Can you elaborate more on the bolded words above? Did attending Big3 truly help your kids?

By social capital, I mean the networks, social skills, and personal attributes that are associated with leadership, charisma, and influence. While some parents may be most concerned about accelerating math in elementary school, we were more concerned about DC learning how to be effective in a group, encouraging and coaching others, and motivating action. At the surface level, it means that when DC knows the social mores, tastes, and experiences of DC's 1% peers. At freshman orientation, DC could rattle off the names of a dozen people or common experiences that DC might connect with another new student. More importantly, it means that DC has the confidence and ability to stand out (and fit in) in lots of different rarefied settings.

The PK-12 school DC attended was helpful in this regard. It would have been easy to simply drive DC's academic skills in the earlier years without attention to the social skills. Comfort in front of audiences, exceptional writing skills, and a fluency in academic thought have all made it easier for DC to excel in college. It's not just that DC gets good grades, but that faculty and parents in HS and college want to mentor DC and open doors.

This is really nauseating. Even if it is a joke.

Why do you think it's nauseating?

I’m a different poster but I also found it awful. She could have summed it up in one sentence: “we want to buy her way to the front of the line.”

“Social capital” is a nice way of saying “opportunity hoarding.” Get her those internships, acceptances, and jobs from her friends’ dads’ golf buddies. Meritocracy my butt.

I'm not sure who those of you are who find this "nauseating." Success requires way more than pure test scores. You need soft skills, and yes, social connections and mentoring. Perhaps especially mentoring. That is true for anyone, anywhere. You can go to public school in small-town America and get this, assuming you want to stay in small-town America. You can get these things through clubs, family connections, inherited wealth, and other things that minorities often don't have as much access to (or at least didn't until more recently). It is not bad for minority families (or, say, a non-minority family that comes from a less wealthy background) to want to build for their children what many non-minorities already have. It's not bad for minority families (or any family for that matter) to want their kids to have access to small class sizes, athletic programs, music programs, etc., and the mentoring relationships that often come with them, and that often make so much of a difference to a child's self-confidence and performance. To some who are already privileged, equality feels like oppression, and that is what is nauseating here. It isn't the PP who sounds nauseating, it's those of you reacting that way to his/her honest post who do. You're either bitter and left out (like many people on the private school boards), or you're a beneficiary of mentoring and connections and either don't realize it or don't want to share it. For what it's worth, my guess is actually the former.

I'm not a minority, but I grew up very poor. I worked my tail off to be able to send my kids to private schools. Between my kids, they were admitted to all of the "big 3," and between them attend two of those schools, so I know the private school parents here. Most would not think the PP's description was nauseating. In fact, most would agree with it, at least in part--even if not publicly. Academics aren't the only reason people pay such huge tuition bills, especially in lower school. Sidwell, Beauvoir, GDS, Maret, Potomac--they are ALL teaching soft skills and confidence more than anything else. They are trying to instill love of learning and lifelong relationships with friends and teachers. And when the harder academics kick in for upper school at all of these places, they provide small class sizes, close relationships with teachers, and often very close relationships among students that last a long time. These are valuable, and that's why many families are willing to pay for them, perhaps especially those families who want to give their kids more than they had. I know my family did. So go ahead and be nauseated. I'll continue to work my tail off so my kids can continue their top-notch educations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First generation Chinese-American with a recent Big 3 grad. We saw nothing to indicate that "East Asians are affirmatively discriminated against" in admissions at the DC area independent schools. My DC applied to 2 of the Big 3 and was admitted to both. My impression is that the schools would love to have more Asian-Americans. Among fellow Asian-Americans in the DC political/legal/policy/think tank world, I would guess that the majority send their children to the independents. In part, many of us were among the first wave of Asian-Americans in the elite colleges and professions and we are as concerned about building our children's social capital as we are about their academic skills. Among more recent immigrants in the outer suburbs and more IT or small business backgrounds, few are interested in paying $40k+ tuition when first-rate magnet programs are possible for free.

Hi, PP. Can you elaborate more on the bolded words above? Did attending Big3 truly help your kids?

By social capital, I mean the networks, social skills, and personal attributes that are associated with leadership, charisma, and influence. While some parents may be most concerned about accelerating math in elementary school, we were more concerned about DC learning how to be effective in a group, encouraging and coaching others, and motivating action. At the surface level, it means that when DC knows the social mores, tastes, and experiences of DC's 1% peers. At freshman orientation, DC could rattle off the names of a dozen people or common experiences that DC might connect with another new student. More importantly, it means that DC has the confidence and ability to stand out (and fit in) in lots of different rarefied settings.

The PK-12 school DC attended was helpful in this regard. It would have been easy to simply drive DC's academic skills in the earlier years without attention to the social skills. Comfort in front of audiences, exceptional writing skills, and a fluency in academic thought have all made it easier for DC to excel in college. It's not just that DC gets good grades, but that faculty and parents in HS and college want to mentor DC and open doors.

This is really nauseating. Even if it is a joke.

Why do you think it's nauseating?

I’m a different poster but I also found it awful. She could have summed it up in one sentence: “we want to buy her way to the front of the line.”

“Social capital” is a nice way of saying “opportunity hoarding.” Get her those internships, acceptances, and jobs from her friends’ dads’ golf buddies. Meritocracy my butt.

Isn’t that exactly what private school parents are paying for? At least she’s honest. Wordy, but honest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holton is off the charts

12% - wouldn’t call that off the charts

You would if you're one of the many people who don't like diversity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First generation Chinese-American with a recent Big 3 grad. We saw nothing to indicate that "East Asians are affirmatively discriminated against" in admissions at the DC area independent schools. My DC applied to 2 of the Big 3 and was admitted to both. My impression is that the schools would love to have more Asian-Americans. Among fellow Asian-Americans in the DC political/legal/policy/think tank world, I would guess that the majority send their children to the independents. In part, many of us were among the first wave of Asian-Americans in the elite colleges and professions and we are as concerned about building our children's social capital as we are about their academic skills. Among more recent immigrants in the outer suburbs and more IT or small business backgrounds, few are interested in paying $40k+ tuition when first-rate magnet programs are possible for free.

Hi, PP. Can you elaborate more on the bolded words above? Did attending Big3 truly help your kids?

By social capital, I mean the networks, social skills, and personal attributes that are associated with leadership, charisma, and influence. While some parents may be most concerned about accelerating math in elementary school, we were more concerned about DC learning how to be effective in a group, encouraging and coaching others, and motivating action. At the surface level, it means that when DC knows the social mores, tastes, and experiences of DC's 1% peers. At freshman orientation, DC could rattle off the names of a dozen people or common experiences that DC might connect with another new student. More importantly, it means that DC has the confidence and ability to stand out (and fit in) in lots of different rarefied settings.

The PK-12 school DC attended was helpful in this regard. It would have been easy to simply drive DC's academic skills in the earlier years without attention to the social skills. Comfort in front of audiences, exceptional writing skills, and a fluency in academic thought have all made it easier for DC to excel in college. It's not just that DC gets good grades, but that faculty and parents in HS and college want to mentor DC and open doors.

This is really nauseating. Even if it is a joke.

Why do you think it's nauseating?

I’m a different poster but I also found it awful. She could have summed it up in one sentence: “we want to buy her way to the front of the line.”

“Social capital” is a nice way of saying “opportunity hoarding.” Get her those internships, acceptances, and jobs from her friends’ dads’ golf buddies. Meritocracy my butt.

Second-generation immigrant here who agrees 100 percent with the above. A spot-on description of my and my parents' experience the last 40 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First generation Chinese-American with a recent Big 3 grad. We saw nothing to indicate that "East Asians are affirmatively discriminated against" in admissions at the DC area independent schools. My DC applied to 2 of the Big 3 and was admitted to both. My impression is that the schools would love to have more Asian-Americans. Among fellow Asian-Americans in the DC political/legal/policy/think tank world, I would guess that the majority send their children to the independents. In part, many of us were among the first wave of Asian-Americans in the elite colleges and professions and we are as concerned about building our children's social capital as we are about their academic skills. Among more recent immigrants in the outer suburbs and more IT or small business backgrounds, few are interested in paying $40k+ tuition when first-rate magnet programs are possible for free.

Hi, PP. Can you elaborate more on the bolded words above? Did attending Big3 truly help your kids?

By social capital, I mean the networks, social skills, and personal attributes that are associated with leadership, charisma, and influence. While some parents may be most concerned about accelerating math in elementary school, we were more concerned about DC learning how to be effective in a group, encouraging and coaching others, and motivating action. At the surface level, it means that when DC knows the social mores, tastes, and experiences of DC's 1% peers. At freshman orientation, DC could rattle off the names of a dozen people or common experiences that DC might connect with another new student. More importantly, it means that DC has the confidence and ability to stand out (and fit in) in lots of different rarefied settings.

The PK-12 school DC attended was helpful in this regard. It would have been easy to simply drive DC's academic skills in the earlier years without attention to the social skills. Comfort in front of audiences, exceptional writing skills, and a fluency in academic thought have all made it easier for DC to excel in college. It's not just that DC gets good grades, but that faculty and parents in HS and college want to mentor DC and open doors.

This is really nauseating. Even if it is a joke.

Why do you think it's nauseating?

Different poster. I don't think it's nauseating. The PP is being honest; that is definitely among the reasons many second-generation immigrants choose private school. Their parents, being first-generation immigrants, may not have had the resources to send them to private school, but through hard work they went to the top colleges and graduate schools and value the networks they gained through them. They'd like for their kids to have an even more vast and widespread network to tap into.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First generation Chinese-American with a recent Big 3 grad. We saw nothing to indicate that "East Asians are affirmatively discriminated against" in admissions at the DC area independent schools. My DC applied to 2 of the Big 3 and was admitted to both. My impression is that the schools would love to have more Asian-Americans. Among fellow Asian-Americans in the DC political/legal/policy/think tank world, I would guess that the majority send their children to the independents. In part, many of us were among the first wave of Asian-Americans in the elite colleges and professions and we are as concerned about building our children's social capital as we are about their academic skills. Among more recent immigrants in the outer suburbs and more IT or small business backgrounds, few are interested in paying $40k+ tuition when first-rate magnet programs are possible for free.

Hi, PP. Can you elaborate more on the bolded words above? Did attending Big3 truly help your kids?

By social capital, I mean the networks, social skills, and personal attributes that are associated with leadership, charisma, and influence. While some parents may be most concerned about accelerating math in elementary school, we were more concerned about DC learning how to be effective in a group, encouraging and coaching others, and motivating action. At the surface level, it means that when DC knows the social mores, tastes, and experiences of DC's 1% peers. At freshman orientation, DC could rattle off the names of a dozen people or common experiences that DC might connect with another new student. More importantly, it means that DC has the confidence and ability to stand out (and fit in) in lots of different rarefied settings.

The PK-12 school DC attended was helpful in this regard. It would have been easy to simply drive DC's academic skills in the earlier years without attention to the social skills. Comfort in front of audiences, exceptional writing skills, and a fluency in academic thought have all made it easier for DC to excel in college. It's not just that DC gets good grades, but that faculty and parents in HS and college want to mentor DC and open doors.

This is really nauseating. Even if it is a joke.

Why do you think it's nauseating?

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. I was the only Jewish kid in my large class growing up. I know it's not the same, but it's very hard to be different and "othered".

Same. Even before kids, husband and I discussed that we'd like to send our kid to a school where there were at least a few other black kids. Like, we hoped for 10-15%? I can see how other minority racial/religious/ethnic groups would also prefer that their kid is not a "lonely only." I mean, some kids do fine with this setup, but it's nice if it doesn't have to be that way.

I get it, OP. I was the only Jewish kid in my large class growing up. I know it's not the same, but it's very hard to be different and "othered".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First generation Chinese-American with a recent Big 3 grad. We saw nothing to indicate that "East Asians are affirmatively discriminated against" in admissions at the DC area independent schools. My DC applied to 2 of the Big 3 and was admitted to both. My impression is that the schools would love to have more Asian-Americans. Among fellow Asian-Americans in the DC political/legal/policy/think tank world, I would guess that the majority send their children to the independents. In part, many of us were among the first wave of Asian-Americans in the elite colleges and professions and we are as concerned about building our children's social capital as we are about their academic skills. Among more recent immigrants in the outer suburbs and more IT or small business backgrounds, few are interested in paying $40k+ tuition when first-rate magnet programs are possible for free.

Hi, PP. Can you elaborate more on the bolded words above? Did attending Big3 truly help your kids?

By social capital, I mean the networks, social skills, and personal attributes that are associated with leadership, charisma, and influence. While some parents may be most concerned about accelerating math in elementary school, we were more concerned about DC learning how to be effective in a group, encouraging and coaching others, and motivating action. At the surface level, it means that when DC knows the social mores, tastes, and experiences of DC's 1% peers. At freshman orientation, DC could rattle off the names of a dozen people or common experiences that DC might connect with another new student. More importantly, it means that DC has the confidence and ability to stand out (and fit in) in lots of different rarefied settings.

The PK-12 school DC attended was helpful in this regard. It would have been easy to simply drive DC's academic skills in the earlier years without attention to the social skills. Comfort in front of audiences, exceptional writing skills, and a fluency in academic thought have all made it easier for DC to excel in college. It's not just that DC gets good grades, but that faculty and parents in HS and college want to mentor DC and open doors.

This is really nauseating. Even if it is a joke.

Is the point of this to emphasize stereotypical traits of Asians?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First generation Chinese-American with a recent Big 3 grad. We saw nothing to indicate that "East Asians are affirmatively discriminated against" in admissions at the DC area independent schools. My DC applied to 2 of the Big 3 and was admitted to both. My impression is that the schools would love to have more Asian-Americans. Among fellow Asian-Americans in the DC political/legal/policy/think tank world, I would guess that the majority send their children to the independents. In part, many of us were among the first wave of Asian-Americans in the elite colleges and professions and we are as concerned about building our children's social capital as we are about their academic skills. Among more recent immigrants in the outer suburbs and more IT or small business backgrounds, few are interested in paying $40k+ tuition when first-rate magnet programs are possible for free.

Hi, PP. Can you elaborate more on the bolded words above? Did attending Big3 truly help your kids?

By social capital, I mean the networks, social skills, and personal attributes that are associated with leadership, charisma, and influence. While some parents may be most concerned about accelerating math in elementary school, we were more concerned about DC learning how to be effective in a group, encouraging and coaching others, and motivating action. At the surface level, it means that when DC knows the social mores, tastes, and experiences of DC's 1% peers. At freshman orientation, DC could rattle off the names of a dozen people or common experiences that DC might connect with another new student. More importantly, it means that DC has the confidence and ability to stand out (and fit in) in lots of different rarefied settings.

The PK-12 school DC attended was helpful in this regard. It would have been easy to simply drive DC's academic skills in the earlier years without attention to the social skills. Comfort in front of audiences, exceptional writing skills, and a fluency in academic thought have all made it easier for DC to excel in college. It's not just that DC gets good grades, but that faculty and parents in HS and college want to mentor DC and open doors.

This is really nauseating. Even if it is a joke.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First generation Chinese-American with a recent Big 3 grad. We saw nothing to indicate that "East Asians are affirmatively discriminated against" in admissions at the DC area independent schools. My DC applied to 2 of the Big 3 and was admitted to both. My impression is that the schools would love to have more Asian-Americans. Among fellow Asian-Americans in the DC political/legal/policy/think tank world, I would guess that the majority send their children to the independents. In part, many of us were among the first wave of Asian-Americans in the elite colleges and professions and we are as concerned about building our children's social capital as we are about their academic skills. Among more recent immigrants in the outer suburbs and more IT or small business backgrounds, few are interested in paying $40k+ tuition when first-rate magnet programs are possible for free.

Hi, PP. Can you elaborate more on the bolded words above? Did attending Big3 truly help your kids?

By social capital, I mean the networks, social skills, and personal attributes that are associated with leadership, charisma, and influence. While some parents may be most concerned about accelerating math in elementary school, we were more concerned about DC learning how to be effective in a group, encouraging and coaching others, and motivating action. At the surface level, it means that when DC knows the social mores, tastes, and experiences of DC's 1% peers. At freshman orientation, DC could rattle off the names of a dozen people or common experiences that DC might connect with another new student. More importantly, it means that DC has the confidence and ability to stand out (and fit in) in lots of different rarefied settings.

The PK-12 school DC attended was helpful in this regard. It would have been easy to simply drive DC's academic skills in the earlier years without attention to the social skills. Comfort in front of audiences, exceptional writing skills, and a fluency in academic thought have all made it easier for DC to excel in college. It's not just that DC gets good grades, but that faculty and parents in HS and college want to mentor DC and open doors.

Anonymous wrote:Holton is off the charts

12% - wouldn’t call that off the charts

Holton is off the charts