Anonymous wrote:OP, your question is stupid and misleading. You should be asking:

Anyone with a confirmed history of infertility, meet their spouse after 40 and have biological children?

The answer is NO! Seriously, how can you be so dumb about this? Your friend was married and tried a bunch of fertility treatments with no success. You think getting older is going to magically solve her infertility?

All the people responding about their unicorn friends who got pregnant easily at 44, did those ladies have significant infertility in their 30’s? Did they spend their 30’s trying fertility treatment after treatment until the stress of that destroyed their marriage? Yeah, didn’t think so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she have to get married first? Why not find a rich guy and get pregnant?

Do you think there is a long line of rich guys who want to have a baby with a recently divorced 42 year old?

If there are, those guys are 55 or older, LOL.

Anonymous wrote:Actually I think OP’s question should be: How can I support a friend who is going through a devastating loss and grieving the loss of a dream to have a child?

Barring some Hollywood miracle, it’s highly unlikely that she will meet someone who is interested in pursuing a life together that includes a child AND that she has no issue getting and sustaining a pregnancy.

Yes, this. She may or may not go on to have a biological child, there's no way of knowing based on anecdotal information from Internet strangers.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Met partner at 40, things progressed quickly and conceived naturally. Was 41 when I gave birth. We both had a child prior so proven fertility.

Proven fertility doesn’t mean anything. I got pregnant on the first try at 35 and had an easy pregnancy and delivery. Started try number 2 at 37 and spent the next 5 years trying everything I could to get pregnant again. Gave up at 42 and trying to accept never being able to expand my family.

Anonymous wrote:Why does she have to get married first? Why not find a rich guy and get pregnant?

Do you think there is a long line of rich guys who want to have a baby with a recently divorced 42 year old?

History of losses. At 40 RE said 5% chance even with IVF. Gave up made peace with it. Didn’t follow through with IVF. First baby at 42. Pregnant again at 43, delivered at 44.

Why does she have to get married first? Why not find a rich guy and get pregnant?

I agree with the previous PPs - sadly your friend is not going to be able to have what she wants in this scenario. The best thing she can do at this point is freeze embryos using donor sperm (ideally with PGS, since at her age most of those embryos are going to be abnormal), and then perhaps wait a year or two before transfer so she can save up money to have a child on her own. Otherwise, if she only wants to be a parent in a partnered relationship, it will have to be donor eggs or adoption (or donor embryos if her partner is amenable). I met my husband at just shy of 38, we had our first baby when I was 39.5 and we are TTC #2 now at 40, most likely using eggs I froze when I was 35 (and who knows if those will even work). I am lucky to have the child that I do have at my age, and she is significantly older with proven infertility.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my colleagues got married at 40 and had a baby at 41.

I also have a friend who decided at 40 that she really wanted a baby more than anything. She hadn't found Mr. Right, and decided that if she wanted a baby, she was going to have to put that on hold and have a baby asap. She ended up hooking up two different people (not at once) at an academic conference, and had her baby at 41. She did eventually meet her husband in the pediatrician's office. He was the uncle of someone else's kid there. Their story is one of my favorites. This is what I think I would do in this situation: realize that she probably won't have a baby unless she prioritizes that above all else.

Did she tell the person she had hooked up with about the kid?

No. She lives in England. The conference was in Sweden; one guy was German and the other was Swiss. She says she doesn't know which is the bio father and doesn't care. She says it would be "unfair" to contact the father, and her DH has adopted her daughter anyway. She's adopted his child as well.

I don't know how I feel about this, but she was very, um, purposeful in her pursuit of a guy to function as a sperm donor. She said she'd rather pick out the man herself than rely on a paper profile in an office.
We were all a little bit aghast when she explained that she was going to choose "a tall guy with a Ph d and a successful research track record", but that's what she did. Her daughter is beautiful, though, and their blended family seems to work.

Anonymous wrote:One of my colleagues got married at 40 and had a baby at 41.

I also have a friend who decided at 40 that she really wanted a baby more than anything. She hadn't found Mr. Right, and decided that if she wanted a baby, she was going to have to put that on hold and have a baby asap. She ended up hooking up two different people (not at once) at an academic conference, and had her baby at 41. She did eventually meet her husband in the pediatrician's office. He was the uncle of someone else's kid there. Their story is one of my favorites. This is what I think I would do in this situation: realize that she probably won't have a baby unless she prioritizes that above all else.

Did she tell the person she had hooked up with about the kid?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at 42. No one but her very closest friends know that she used a donor egg. Everyone thinks she is a “unicorn” but she’s just a beneficiary of reproductive science, like most people.

This. I am 44 and 8 mo pregnant. Donor eggs. Nobody knows about the donor part. People assume a successful IVF. I havent even told my own mother. I am a “unicorn”

Your friend had to let go of some of her rigid requirements.

Sorry, no one believes that a 44 year old is pregnant with her own eggs.

Well, pregnant past the first trimester. I easily got pregnant age 41 and delivered a healthy boy at age 42...then miscarried at age 43. At 44, I think I could probably get pregnant, however unlikely, I'd carry that baby to term.

Yes. Met partner at 40, things progressed quickly and conceived naturally. Was 41 when I gave birth. We both had a child prior so proven fertility.

OP - I have two friends who had their babies on their own at 42 and 43 using donor sperm. One had to use IVF to do so. IUIs were sufficient for the other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a huge difference between age 40 and "almost 42" in this scenario, unfortunately.

It certainly isn't impossible, but it is going to be very unlikely.

She is 41.75 years old and will probably be 42 by the time divorce is finalized. I think it will take her time to be even ready to start dating again and then to find a guy who wants to start trying for a baby immediately seems like it would be very difficult.

She met her husband on a dating app and they did want the family. I think the problem was they were more in love with the idea of marriage that they weren’t in love with one another. Or so the husband says. Baby did not happen immediately and fertility problems magnified everything that was wrong with the relationship. Family and finances were big ones.

A man that age who wants to start trying for a baby immediately is a train wreck. She should get comfortable with egg or embryo donation.

One of my colleagues got married at 40 and had a baby at 41.

I also have a friend who decided at 40 that she really wanted a baby more than anything. She hadn't found Mr. Right, and decided that if she wanted a baby, she was going to have to put that on hold and have a baby asap. She ended up hooking up two different people (not at once) at an academic conference, and had her baby at 41. She did eventually meet her husband in the pediatrician's office. He was the uncle of someone else's kid there. Their story is one of my favorites. This is what I think I would do in this situation: realize that she probably won't have a baby unless she prioritizes that above all else.