I am an only child. My mom always wanted our house to be the “hang out” house but it wasn’t and never would be because she didn’t know how to just be causally around without butting into our conversations or being subtly critical of me. There is a way of being present and aware of what’s going on in your house without being too strict or overbearing about it. I hope to master the style of parenting that makes my kids’ friends want to come over.

My house growing up was always so clean and clutter free. It felt cold. In late elementary a group of girls would tease me that I lived in a museum and that you weren’t allowed to touch anything at my house or my mom would freak out. They were kinda right. I used to be jealous of houses with candid photos and kid artwork displayed in a casual way - like taped to the fridge.

I like this question, OP. I lived in a kind of formal, stuffy home that made me feel I only belonged in my bedroom and couldn't hang out anywhere else in the house. So the following was a conscious decision to make our kids feel comfortable in and around our home.

We don't have a separate playroom; the kids play near us while DH and I are in the LR. The LR also has their toys organized in clear plastic bins; games stacked neatly; and activity books lining the shelves. Easy to grab something to play with it, easy to figure out where to put something back.

I wanted to make sure that our kids had access to art supplies, so they can create art any time they want. One shelf in the living room has organized cups of colored pencils, pens, markers, paint brushes, glue & glue sticks, scissors, etc. and another shelf has different kinds of paper.

We make sure to keep a fuzzy blanket by the sofa. And in the kitchen, colorful plastic cups and bowls are stacked within their reach, along with snacks in bins in the pantry. We keep stepstools in most rooms of the house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s humorous how special everyone in this thread thinks their completely average actions are. Pretty much every family in the world has dinner. Wow you watch movies. Never heard of families doing that.

But that's what make it wonderful. Families gather and eat together all around the world. The language of cinema is similarly universal. It's the mundane moments that add up to a rich, well loved life

OP here. I love how you put this. I am surprised at how this question seems to have aroused vitriol. I guess home is an emotional topic for people. I like to hear what people shared, and the simple everyday details that stand out.

Nobody gave you vitriol, OP. Come on.

Growing up, npr, or music playing
God area (hindu), incense or lights
Good food, naturally
My mom made our beds, did laundry
Dad mowed the lawn
Watched 80s-90s tv together


Today
I make the beds and keep house clean and bright, decorated
I work late and not a good cook so fail on other aspects

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s humorous how special everyone in this thread thinks their completely average actions are. Pretty much every family in the world has dinner. Wow you watch movies. Never heard of families doing that.

But that's what make it wonderful. Families gather and eat together all around the world. The language of cinema is similarly universal. It's the mundane moments that add up to a rich, well loved life

OP here. I love how you put this. I am surprised at how this question seems to have aroused vitriol. I guess home is an emotional topic for people. I like to hear what people shared, and the simple everyday details that stand out.

I have been thinking about this thread a lot, OP, especially what made my childhood house a home (if anything). I have a good relationship with my parents but ultimately our family’s house is not a home, despite having been there for 25 years. My brother and I never want to just visit or hang out there as adults despite living close. When we go for holidays we bail as soon as the main festivities are done (ie immediately after thanksgiving dinner). My husband’s family, on the other hand, loves going home. As kids, his front door was always open and I rarely had friends over. I think the big differences between our two homes were/are:

1. Parents who are excited to see you. My parents are more of the “oh hey” variety vs “hugs and kisses.” This was true as kids too.
2. Light, preferably natural. My family’s house doesn’t get much natural light and my dad keeps the lights off, even during the day. My in laws don’t have the best lighting but they keep lights on and windows open. I think it just feels warmer.
3. Noise. My family is a bunch of introverts which means the house is often very quiet. Music or background TV can cover for conversation as adults and as kids the quiet made it feel like you had very little privacy. This is part of the reason I want more than two kids.
4. A cozy place to curl up. Seating, blankets, conversation areas etc. I may hate the furniture at my in laws house but you definitely feel comfortable settling in. My family’s house is more modern and the furniture isn’t very cozy. Combined with lack of noise and light and people... well...
5. Family photos. I used to hate the idea of photos up but I think that’s because my family never did. It makes my husband’s house feel like kids lived there.
6. Snacks and drinks. You’d have to dig to find something to eat at my parents house. They are super healthy and not big snackers , so unless you want to cook something you aren’t going to find anything easy. There is something welcoming about making your house seem like it was ready for you... complete with stocked pantry. Otherwise it can feel like you are intruding.
7. Family traditions. My house may feel like a dark museum compared to my husband’s house but we did have fun traditions around holidays and ate dinner together a lot. We have a ton of memories camping and hiking. They just weren’t big on inside activities. No cozy nights in reading or playing games or movie nights. We also had an awesome yard to play in. This is probably why I get along with my parents (and see them often!) despite having little interest in visiting home.

This makes my family sound terrible. They aren’t terrible and are great grand parents but they aren’t big on “community” and you feel it at their house. It’s more fun to meet them at a park or on a trail. I suppose it’s more of an intellectual relationship vs a loving one? I don’t want that for my kids - I want the home and the active memories. It’s a huge part of how I parent them and the type of home we want to create. Warm, light, comfortable, fun, and welcoming.

Anonymous wrote:
I find your question a little strange, because home is where a loving family is. If you have joy and love in your house, you're already there!

This. But also my kids rooms are theirs to decorate. So once they start getting preferences and within reason I check with them on furniture / decoration choices, and they decorate the walls with their own art. I also have their art in playroom and they insisted on putting a drawing in the wall in our bedroom, which is there. I have their photos in the living room as well (I know, so tacky, but like looking at them). But the main thing is quoted above: love and joy.

Anonymous wrote:It’s humorous how special everyone in this thread thinks their completely average actions are. Pretty much every family in the world has dinner. Wow you watch movies. Never heard of families doing that.

Duh. That’s the point. What small things make your house feel like home. For some it’s movie nights. Others it’s family dinner. These are different than “I eat food between 5-9” or “I have seen movies.” Doing it deliberately with your family had made a positive impact in some PPs lives.

Eat together. Often.

Anonymous wrote:It’s humorous how special everyone in this thread thinks their completely average actions are. Pretty much every family in the world has dinner. Wow you watch movies. Never heard of families doing that.

I think the takeaway is that it's NOT anything special or unique and doesn't have to be.

When we moved into a new home last fall I let me 5 and 3 year olds pick out their room colors. My daughter wanted a pink princess room and my son a Star Wars room - I didn't go black but it is dark blue. The rooms look great and my kids are very proud of their rooms. They also has a great deal of input into how the basement play room was set up.

I'll play! We chose the biggest couch that could possible fit in our family room so we could all lounge and play and snuggle together. We ditched the coffee table and have toys there too (my kids are little, obviously, so this may change when they are older and out of the toy stage). We have family dinners and always keep the fruit bowl full. Kids art up, like others. And I keep keep bday streamers on my mantel (I put them up for a bday party, and thought they were so cute they have never come down). Agree that fighting the good fight against clutter makes a place easier to be comfortable.

This seems like a strange question to me, unless you're not a naturally warm person.

My mother baked with me, my father played music constantly. They didn't do it to *make* the house feel like home, but these are just the things that stand out to me and recreate a memory of homey-ness.

Anonymous wrote:It’s humorous how special everyone in this thread thinks their completely average actions are. Pretty much every family in the world has dinner. Wow you watch movies. Never heard of families doing that.

But that's what make it wonderful. Families gather and eat together all around the world. The language of cinema is similarly universal. It's the mundane moments that add up to a rich, well loved life

Anonymous wrote:Cleanliness does make a difference-

My son’s friend thinks our house is more comfortable because we are casual, and not cleaning up behind them or harping about food/shoes.

Conversely my nephews like my house because it’s orderly. Their mom has hoarder tendencies.

As with all things, there is a balance.

+1. I also have a sibling whose house is total chaos. They are welcoming and gracious hosts but the mess makes me so uncomfortable. (Mess like piles of stuff blocking hallways and every inch of every bathroom and kitchen counter covered with stuff.)

I love this question, OP. While I think that the traditions, rituals, and time we spend with one another are most important, the food, music, and decor are part of it. I disagree with PPs that dismiss those things as simply commercial. I’m starting to decorate more at the holidays. It adds to the fun. After my mom died, my dad continued to host some major holidays with the same food but zero decorations. We miss my mom most of all but the absence of decorations made it somehow bleaker.