I'm glad it turned out for the better. I would be extremely disappointed too. Not asking alot, and like Pooh said, a little thought and consideration goes a long way.
My kids made me a banner for mothers day - and they are 13! So I dont think a poster is baby-ish at all (loved it).
But with kids, its baby steps, keep on reinforcing and modeling. The results arent overnight, but sounds like you're making progress.

I would take a hard line and tell them that they aren't entitled to their birthday celebrations if they put zero effort into celebrating your DH. THAT is something that will stick with them when they are older.

Stop kicking yourself Mom. You wanted to do what was best and to make DH feel loved and wanted. But there may be a root issue here.

I know for my family, we each have a tendency to focus on self (it is human nature, I understand). Sometimes we forget that others have feelings also. So we try to promote family unity, a team effort and an understanding that the others in our family are people, who have feelings and desires just like ours. Birthdays are just a good chance to do something that makes someone else feel loved and cared about.

We read books, which help a lot, and look at how other people care for others. We do service projects both in our home and outside our home. We are humans and our selfishness grows quickly if it is not kept in check. I know for us we started at a very early age teaching our children to serve, love and care for each member of our family. Helping one another around the home helps a lot to foster an unselfish attitude and so does outside the home projects.

Focus on the Family is an organization that helps families to thrive. They have many good resources for helping to generate an unselfish and respectful attitude in children and adults (sometimes this is needed also). I don't have a favorite but I suggest you go there and browse. You are a good Mom and just like the rest of us sometimes we get a wakeup call and have to regroup. I am praying for you as your regroup and maybe do some "catch up" in your family life. You go Mom!!!!!!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back. I’m laughing at the suggestion to do nothing for their birthdays, which are months away. I’m trying to teach them to be kind and giving, not vindictive!

I had taken some time away bc I was so aggravated and the older came and told me that he was sorry; he did want to make it a special day. That made a huge difference. The younger saw what a great reaction the older got with the apology so he followed suit. We made the cake together. Dad loved his poster (despite the less than stellar effort). I’m hoping it was just a bad day.

Glad to hear it! Thanks for reporting back, OP.

There you go! It is hard to see when you are in the thick of it, but you ARE getting through to them. It takes time and repeated, consistent effort but you will see the results. It's great that you responded positively and turned things around by making the cake. Kids need to know that they can mess up and then remedy the situation.

Anonymous wrote:OP back. I’m laughing at the suggestion to do nothing for their birthdays, which are months away. I’m trying to teach them to be kind and giving, not vindictive!

I had taken some time away bc I was so aggravated and the older came and told me that he was sorry; he did want to make it a special day. That made a huge difference. The younger saw what a great reaction the older got with the apology so he followed suit. We made the cake together. Dad loved his poster (despite the less than stellar effort). I’m hoping it was just a bad day.

Glad to hear it! Thanks for reporting back, OP.

You made it 10x more complicated than it had to be. NExt time, pre-emptively have a small poster board ready, stickers ready, markers ready, and leave it out on the dining room table (or whereever) and then when there is a lull in the day or when every one is feeling chipper usher them to the dining room and go from there. None of this haggling about picking out a Hallmark card (which are super expensive and cheesy to boot), finding a good gift (dads are hard to shop for anyway), and let go a bit - nothing says kids than stickers that are upside down, misspelled words, and silly messages. That is what makes the card special and genuine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s really sad. I would be very disappointed. Sure wouldn’t make a fuss about their birthdays anymore. I would say oops I didn’t feel like getting you any presents this year .

I don’t know anyone IRL who would actually do this and follow thru. Same thing with parents who threaten Santa won’t come. Either hollow threats or some really vindictive parents.

I wrote the first part. Really you don’t know anyone? I remember when I was about 10 my dad told me that if I talked back he would return my Christmas presents. Sure enough he had me open up a pink and yellow tape player. ( my big gift that year ) He took it back to the store. I learned my lesson.

Yes (thankfully) I really don't know anyone who would do that.
I hate when parents make gifts conditional. It's gross. It seems you think your dad handled it well (?) but I think it's just vindictive to buy the gift and return it - if anything just don't buy it in the first place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is your own being high strung and complicating things. How old are your kids? Did your DH ever do the same for you? I mean, I hate to say it as a woman, but most of our troubles are of our own creation. Why is everything a big deal? Pick a card and give it to your dh, why this much ado about nothing?
This reads to me like, it could have been a good day, but I decided to make it a misery, for kids, for me, for everyone. Why? When you went to the grocery store, you couldn't just pick a card?!

The straight talk cuts to the quick because it's so true (for me, NP). Thanks, PP for the tough love!

So because the kids didn’t want to do anything to acknowledge someone’s birthday who op says would have cared and appreciated the acknowledgement, you think she should drop it and just do it herself because they whines and dragged their feet? Kids whine and complain for a week and reject every suggestion and come up with nothing on their own = just do it yourself, woman because you're upsetting the kids by asking them to select and sign a card with a week notice?

Anonymous wrote:This is your own being high strung and complicating things. How old are your kids? Did your DH ever do the same for you? I mean, I hate to say it as a woman, but most of our troubles are of our own creation. Why is everything a big deal? Pick a card and give it to your dh, why this much ado about nothing?
This reads to me like, it could have been a good day, but I decided to make it a misery, for kids, for me, for everyone. Why? When you went to the grocery store, you couldn't just pick a card?!

The straight talk cuts to the quick because it's so true (for me, NP). Thanks, PP for the tough love!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back. I’m laughing at the suggestion to do nothing for their birthdays, which are months away. I’m trying to teach them to be kind and giving, not vindictive!

I had taken some time away bc I was so aggravated and the older came and told me that he was sorry; he did want to make it a special day. That made a huge difference. The younger saw what a great reaction the older got with the apology so he followed suit. We made the cake together. Dad loved his poster (despite the less than stellar effort). I’m hoping it was just a bad day.

Great update, OP!

That’s awesome!

Next time, when they start refusing sit down and talk. Ask them how it would feel if dad forgot their birthday. How they would feel if dad didn’t want to get them a card, or could t say something he loved about them.

A lot of empathy is taught. It’s ok to still have this conversation. To sit down and tell them that is made you disappointed, to discuss that you all could have done to make it a success for next time. It isn’t about making it up now, but learning for the future


Your expectations are entirely reasonable. I remover my lesson on getting a gift. I had always responded based on the gift, until someone sat down and took the time to teach me about being thankful not for the gift (which I may or may not like) but thankful that they cared enough to spend their time on me. Time to think about me, to shop, to wrap and to see me. That concept had never dawned on me (no idea why) but it helped me so much as a kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s really sad. I would be very disappointed. Sure wouldn’t make a fuss about their birthdays anymore. I would say oops I didn’t feel like getting you any presents this year .

I don’t know anyone IRL who would actually do this and follow thru. Same thing with parents who threaten Santa won’t come. Either hollow threats or some really vindictive parents.

I wrote the first part. Really you don’t know anyone? I remember when I was about 10 my dad told me that if I talked back he would return my Christmas presents. Sure enough he had me open up a pink and yellow tape player. ( my big gift that year ) He took it back to the store. I learned my lesson.

Sounds like that turned you into an adult who is looking forward to the chance to stick it to some mouthy kid.

Sounds good, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s really sad. I would be very disappointed. Sure wouldn’t make a fuss about their birthdays anymore. I would say oops I didn’t feel like getting you any presents this year .

I don’t know anyone IRL who would actually do this and follow thru. Same thing with parents who threaten Santa won’t come. Either hollow threats or some really vindictive parents.

I wrote the first part. Really you don’t know anyone? I remember when I was about 10 my dad told me that if I talked back he would return my Christmas presents. Sure enough he had me open up a pink and yellow tape player. ( my big gift that year ) He took it back to the store. I learned my lesson.

Anonymous wrote:OP back. I’m laughing at the suggestion to do nothing for their birthdays, which are months away. I’m trying to teach them to be kind and giving, not vindictive!

I had taken some time away bc I was so aggravated and the older came and told me that he was sorry; he did want to make it a special day. That made a huge difference. The younger saw what a great reaction the older got with the apology so he followed suit. We made the cake together. Dad loved his poster (despite the less than stellar effort). I’m hoping it was just a bad day.

Great update, OP!