Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, if you think this is a class or cultural issue, you like in a dangerous bubble. You need to meet more people who aren’t middle class Anglos.
Op here. I guess I thought this was a class/cultural thing. She just doesn’t seem to get how things work in the US, and she struggles to learn.
I’ve had the benefit of decades of living here, and so did my parents, etc.
I don’t think she grasps things like health insurance, or car registration. Her home country has nationalized health care.
Anonymous wrote:One of the basic techniques is a notebook with all actions and due outs. If it's a habit to write down anything/everything that needs to be done and cross it off once it's done, it goes a long way. For large tasks, you break them down into individual actions that can be written down and crossed off.
The key is actually DOING this. Adults with ADHD have a system like this, they have someone in their life who is doing it for them, or they are failing. For OP, the question is how much do you want to invest? You can certainly keep acting like your nanny's notebook or you could try to teach her to do this on her own, but at the end of the day she has to be the one to do it.
(There are a lot of other techniques like setting up autopayments on EVERYTHING and effectively maintaining and using a calendar, but the notebook is the first big one).
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:She sucks at them because she is basically learning a new language in her early 40s, albeit a financial language.
From the moment I read your post, I had a feeling she came from nationalized healthcare. And I was correct.
My own husband and brother have problems navigating the insurance and medical bills issues and they have lived here all their lives. I worked as a medical billing specialist and read the entire ACA for an ethics paper.
You need to tell her where to go instead of the ER. How much is her urgent care copay? Does she have a PCP?
The registration stuff can get bad quickly. Does she drive your kids? If she gets pulled over with an expired registration or license, the car can be impounded (ask me how I know)
Op here. I agree. That’s why I framed this as a class/cultural thing. I’ve had the benefit of generations of education, wealth (albeit middle class, but still much more than most of the world has). The nanny has only been in America a few years. Most of her friends, neighbors, and acquaintances have the same sorts of problems and aren’t very good at helping her solve things. That’s why I try to help. I’m the only middle class educated American she knows. She doesn’t have the network to call on that I do of people who just know how the world works.
I guess it just grates on me so much when I take all this time to help her and she only half listens or doesn’t follow through.
She did get her car registered, I took leave so she could go yesterday. I didn’t even ask her how it went (trying to stay out of things more now!) but she got it done.
Anonymous wrote:I'm with the others that pointed out that healthcare here doesn't make sense. So, in that case, it wouldn't be lack of common sense from her but the other way around: with common sense, the system would be entirely different. Even in my home country, where nothing works, healthcare is way better and there is no such thing as those huge medical bills ever.
Anonymous wrote:I bet she's from a country that only recently banned lead in gasoline.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My relatives are like this. They moved from South Asia in the late 90s but still haven't fully assimilated. They do the same things as your nanny. Ignoring prudent advice, going to the ER for non-emergencies, etc. I don't think it's a class or cultural thing.
Op here, ok what is it then, if not a class or a cultural thing?
Individual cognitive style. Lower IQ, learning/language disability, ADHD, who knows.
And I am not using those terms as an insult as some do on these boards. My younger son, the light of my heart, has low average IQ and learning disabilities. I am hopeful that as an adult he could follow very clear instructions like those you gave, even in a new country, but I don't know for sure. He is great with routines, struggles with new.
I'm sure she's a loving person, but as others have noted, do you think she could call an ambulance for your children if necessary? Call the police if someone was breaking in? Get all the kids out of the house if she saw a fire or smelled smoke? For some things you need someone who can think logically and quickly.
Op here. I work from home full time, so I’m here. It’s a blessing and a curse. She does take them to the zoo, storytime, park, etc., but we don’t live in DC and are in an area where all of this stuff is in a 2-3 mile radius from our house. So I’m able to tolerate some of these issues more than I would if I was far away all day.
I do think she could handle calling 911-they actually do answer in Spanish!
Her issues are more with big picture administrative tasks-she seems to REALLY struggle there. With the immediate stuff right in front of her, she’s great.
Anonymous wrote:You are causing stress to the nanny. Help her find a more pleasant job with a pleasant boss.
Anonymous wrote:Wow, reading this makes me think I absolutely have ADHD that has been undiagnosed my entire life. I have a high IQ so I get by, but nevermind follow through or breaking down complex tasks.